Resentful, bitter young adult child (newly graduated)

[Anonymous]

She needs to have some practical worries on her plate. Like making rent.

[Anonymous]

Her creativity isn't the mental illness part, The part where where she thinks she's going to make thousands with what is likely marginal and cliche talent with very little work and research, life will be better in europe, the nwo is coming beliefs, her refusal to work eyc . rtx, many severe mental illnesses start around her age

I have thought about that. I know she is depressed. She said the pandemic has been awful for her to graduate and she got her heart broken a few months ago. Plus the job market and her dream of landing a sexy well paying job in an art museum sadly didn't pan out

In terms on making thousands she did really think she'd make 1k iin a day at a craft market. But she didn't although plenty of people asked her if she gave art lessons to kids. She was not interested. After a day of that it brought her delusion crashing to earth and she hasn't talked about it since in those unrealistic terms. She also saw how much other amazing art there was out there and although her art is good, it's good for someone who is 22. She was in awe of how great some of the other artists were. She was going to join a guild to network etc but didn't want to at the end of the day. She is depressed that art isn't valued in a society as much as it should be.

She is working now but not happy about it. Bottom line is, If I can quote a Gen X movie,

REALITY BITES.

[Anonymous]

I would get her better therapy. There are a LOT of bad therapists out there, and it sounds like this one is not treating her depression. Tell her she needs to get CBT/ACT.

[Anonymous]

Her creativity isn't the mental illness part, The part where where she thinks she's going to make thousands with what is likely marginal and cliche talent with very little work and research, life will be better in europe, the nwo is coming beliefs, her refusal to work eyc . rtx, many severe mental illnesses start around her age

I have thought about that. I know she is depressed. She said the pandemic has been awful for her to graduate and she got her heart broken a few months ago. Plus the job market and her dream of landing a sexy well paying job in an art museum sadly didn't pan out

In terms on making thousands she did really think she'd make 1k iin a day at a craft market. But she didn't although plenty of people asked her if she gave art lessons to kids. She was not interested. After a day of that it brought her delusion crashing to earth and she hasn't talked about it since in those unrealistic terms. She also saw how much other amazing art there was out there and although her art is good, it's good for someone who is 22. She was in awe of how great some of the other artists were. She was going to join a guild to network etc but didn't want to at the end of the day. She is depressed that art isn't valued in a society as much as it should be.

She is working now but not happy about it. Bottom line is, If I can quote a Gen X movie,

REALITY BITES.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm somehow I believe she is twisting what she may be getting in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I do not encourage therapy for this reason - most people who go are not mature enough (regardless of age) to understand that delving into their parents' choices doesn't mean accusing them. Most therapists are not intelligent or skilled enough to make that distinction. So a common consequence of therapy, particularly for the young, is that they come back and say it's all their parents' fault.

In addition, teens and young adults often struggle with accepting that they are their own people who can shape their own lives from now on. It's really tempting to place all blame on parents. I did that, and never went near therapy! It took me many years to accept that my parents were extremely limited in their outlook and just could not have reacted differently than they did, and that it was unfair for me to judge them and their era based on what parenting is today.


So... give her space, and remember that she doesn't have to be factually right to have real feelings about it. Hopefully she'll mature soon.

You are full of sugar honey ice tea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like she should start working on her art in her spare time and put that marketing degree to use for herself and learn how to market her art so it sells.


I'm sure in some ways she is being dramatic and selfish, but there are 2 sides to every story.

Agreed. I did suggest that her marketing background could be a benefit to launching her website. She started to work on it but lost interest. There are always two sides, agreed. That's why I don't want to diminish her feelings BC those are valid. But it is painful when you're told you failed as a mother. She on my took this current job BC we started pressuring her to apply for more jobs as we were coming up to a year since graduation and I am tiring if the extended adolescence. She turned down three jobs prior to accepting this one.

I just don't like this victim mentality her therapist seems to feed into.

Your daughter seems to be delusional and possible at onset of mental illness, her therapist playing hardball with her the way you want her too would not get you the results you think it would.

Creativity is not a mental illness per se, although creative people may be more prone to mental illness.

Not sure being hard line/ black and white approach will help much here. As the way more mature grown up, OP needs to help heal the relationship for both of their sakes.

Life will knock a lot of the nonsense out of her. It is good if parents can be a safe place to call home while setting realistic boundaries, which OP is already doing.

Her creativity isn't the mental illness part, The part where where she thinks she's going to make thousands with what is likely marginal and cliche talent with very little work and research, life will be better in europe, the nwo is coming beliefs, her refusal to work eyc . rtx, many severe mental illnesses start around her age

Hmmm you may be right - probably good to consider magical thinking from both benign and malignant possibilities. I do hope it is relatively normal immaturity and entitlement that reality will deal with … I empathize having a highly creative daughter myself … it is hard to get the balance right between enforcing every day disciplines and honoring creative bent. OP’s daughter is an adult and that is a different arena …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just the age. Everyone I know went through something similar once they graduated. I think a lot of it is getting smacked hard in the face by reality - you work hard to get this degree, think you’ll be able to find a good job easily, and hundreds of applications later you’re still just waiting tables. And the options are pretty bleak - either go back to school for an advanced degree and hope that helps, do unpaid internships to pad your resume, or just keep sending out applications. Meanwhile your soul dies a little more with every rejection. It’s stressful, and easy to blame parents for everything going wrong.

I’d be empathetic, listen, and do what you can to support her emotionally. Maybe you could share stories from when you were her age and how difficult it was for you. Not in a “see, I had it hard too, suck it up!” way, but more of a “I understand because I also faced challenges XYZ. Would you like to know more about how I handled it?”

+ 1,000

My DD went through the same. It is hard to get back home from staying in a dorm in the college. Most of all, kids feel bad that they did not really "launch" and need more education. Another thing is that the real world does not have the high concentration of young people like in college. The pandemic did not help and these kids felt stuck at home with their parents. Socialization and dating also suffered a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP I thought I wrote this post but it’s about my sister, literally same stories where the blame goes on my parents she wants to do nothing but paint society is dumb to pursue money literalllyyyyy all of it. I have no advice I just commiserate I hear this bs everyday from her as a close sister.

It’s everyone’s fault but theirs, no one “understands” them, and the world owes them everything but god forbid they work.

I’m so bitter because my parents fully support her, pay her loans, her car, her rent, just so she can bs a bit with “art” money. Im a practical person who sees our privilege and her privilege so this is all BS to me I have no patience for this shit.

[Anonymous]

She thought she was going to get a sexy high paying job in an art museum at age 22?

She sounds either stupid or delusional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young adult child (22) one year out of college. Just started first job. She is bitter and resents her family and me BC she said we didn't support her childhood artistic pursuits. Growing up she loved music and we paid for many years of private lessons at our house. In summer I would send her to various camps like art studio, pottery etc. Bought musical instruments and art supplies, easel, paints etc.. She mulled over going to art school for painting, but she never liked painting much at the time and was more into pottery.. I do acknowledge that I did discourage her from art school unless she was interested in teaching eiher high school or uni level. She wasn't interested. She went to a 4 year school and chose her own major (marketing). For the past 6 months she's been in counseling. I thought it was helpful, she wanted to go. But they dredge up everything and she routinely brings up the wrongs of her childhood. Her therapist seems to be feeding into this victim mindset. Apparently I was a terrible mother who emotionally abused her BC I was neglectful by not asking her more about feelings. I was always more of a black and white what's the problem let's see what a fix could be. Apparently I'm not gray in my mindset and did her a disservice. She said she was born into the wrong family and will cut ties as soon as she moves out. I told her how much I love her and that I made mistakes but did my best, and never intended to emotionally neglect her. I told her that act one is done and she can take charge of her own life and mold it into what she wants, but she said it's too late and Ive ruined her with generational trauma and all this other psych babble. And no, although her childhood wasn't perfect there was no divorce, her dad and I get along, they had privileged upbringing and I worked part time for many many years so I could be there as a mother. She has mentioned that she doesn't like the idea of working for the evil capitalist model and wants to live on the beach and paint art all day. She says boomers and Gen X had it easy and now the world is going to hell and she's not cut out for this world. She's always been sensitive and more emotional than her sibling. She is creative. Sorry for the dump. Thoughts? Im shocked but trying to be understanding since this is her feeling. I just think the therapy is worsening it. The interesting thing is she worked through college and after, and her colleagues always like her. She is a hard worker. I'm just baffled.

Bwahahahaha "as soon as I can afford to live on my own I'm never speaking to you again! And in the meantime, half pepperoni half olives had better be on this week's pizza night menu!"

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs to cut back on social media and grow up. She really does not seem prepared for the real world and needs a good dose of what they now call "adulting."

I mean, maybe you messed up, OP, but not the way she thinks you did. Maybe you spoiled and overprotected her. Personally, I don't think it was you. All the stuff she is peddling in right now came from outside of the home -- and she has been fed some pretty unrealistic ideas. How old is her therapist btw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She thought she was going to get a sexy high paying job in an art museum at age 22?

She sounds either stupid or delusional

With a marketing degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just the age. Everyone I know went through something similar once they graduated. I think a lot of it is getting smacked hard in the face by reality - you work hard to get this degree, think you’ll be able to find a good job easily, and hundreds of applications later you’re still just waiting tables. And the options are pretty bleak - either go back to school for an advanced degree and hope that helps, do unpaid internships to pad your resume, or just keep sending out applications. Meanwhile your soul dies a little more with every rejection. It’s stressful, and easy to blame parents for everything going wrong.

I’d be empathetic, listen, and do what you can to support her emotionally. Maybe you could share stories from when you were her age and how difficult it was for you. Not in a “see, I had it hard too, suck it up!” way, but more of a “I understand because I also faced challenges XYZ. Would you like to know more about how I handled it?”

+ 1,000

My DD went through the same. It is hard to get back home from staying in a dorm in the college. Most of all, kids feel bad that they did not really "launch" and need more education. Another thing is that the real world does not have the high concentration of young people like in college. The pandemic did not help and these kids felt stuck at home with their parents. Socialization and dating also suffered a lot.

[Anonymous]

Tough love. You said she is moving out soon. That is a great plan. I would not engage with the BS talk. Say I hear you but we need to move on.

She needs to grow up. Only she can do that. You should try and not react to what she is saying. Hard to do.