Resentful, bitter young adult child (newly graduated)

[Anonymous]

Pampered, spoiled brat, will never mature into a responsible adult. Parents paid and continue to pay her expenses. She blames her parents for her own failings. She seeks to be an artist- then do so! Work during the day, seek artistic expression in the evenings.


M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pampered, spoiled brat, will never mature into a responsible adult. Parents paid and continue to pay her expenses. She blames her parents for her own failings. She seeks to be an artist- then do so! Work during the day, seek artistic expression in the evenings.


M

OP even your title presents bias and sets off loonies like the person above. There is a middle group. Take the above point of view and don't be surprised if her depression becomes worse, she feels gaslit and starts having suicidal ideation. She is suffering right now. Setting off a bunch of angry parents with their pitchforks ready to label your daughter isn't helping you learn to accept her and help her move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to grow up and get her own place. She has a job, right? That’s good. She wouldn’t have a job if she had majored in art.

She’s welcome to go live on the beach and do art all day... but not on your dime!

She could take art classes. With money she earns from her job. My mother took many art classes as an adult.

That’s not true yiu know about art. My niece did art, and have friends. They have all types of interesting work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pampered, spoiled brat, will never mature into a responsible adult. Parents paid and continue to pay her expenses. She blames her parents for her own failings. She seeks to be an artist- then do so! Work during the day, seek artistic expression in the evenings.


M

OP even your title presents bias and sets off loonies like the person above. There is a middle group. Take the above point of view and don't be surprised if her depression becomes worse, she feels gaslit and starts having suicidal ideation. She is suffering right now. Setting off a bunch of angry parents with their pitchforks ready to label your daughter isn't helping you learn to accept her and help her move forward.

Plus one

[Anonymous]

I think the world is a tough place for young people now. Much tougher than when I was growing up. I am sure you took care of your daughter however when she says she grew up in the wrong family she may have a point.

You are a black and white thinker, driven by action. You probably didn't discuss emotions and probably never tolerated them in the household. Your frustration with your daughters emotion was probably very obvious to her, that's something you probably can't see or understand.

On the other hand your daughter is sensitive and emotional. She felt things deeply and yet in her family, no one around her understood her. Your lack of ability to relate to her was probably very crushing to her.

You discouraged her from taking a course she wanted to take and in the end she took one she thought you would approve of and now she is miserable. She probably feels stuck and now has student loans for something she despises which she did because of your disapproval of the course she originally really wanted to take. You have led her in life to how you believe she should live it and now she is miserable. She doesn't yet have the confidence to live the life she truly wants to live.

In part yes she needs to grow up and she will. She needs to get out of your house and find herself without your influence as you are the opposite to her.

In essence yes any parent can feed and clothe and put a roof over a child's head but giving them a life where they feel loved, accepted and safe, that's something entirely different. You were not able to meet your daughter on her level, she will always be this way, something tells me you will never fully accept this part of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the world is a tough place for young people now. Much tougher than when I was growing up. I am sure you took care of your daughter however when she says she grew up in the wrong family she may have a point.

You are a black and white thinker, driven by action. You probably didn't discuss emotions and probably never tolerated them in the household. Your frustration with your daughters emotion was probably very obvious to her, that's something you probably can't see or understand.

On the other hand your daughter is sensitive and emotional. She felt things deeply and yet in her family, no one around her understood her. Your lack of ability to relate to her was probably very crushing to her.

You discouraged her from taking a course she wanted to take and in the end she took one she thought you would approve of and now she is miserable. She probably feels stuck and now has student loans for something she despises which she did because of your disapproval of the course she originally really wanted to take. You have led her in life to how you believe she should live it and now she is miserable. She doesn't yet have the confidence to live the life she truly wants to live.

In part yes she needs to grow up and she will. She needs to get out of your house and find herself without your influence as you are the opposite to her.

In essence yes any parent can feed and clothe and put a roof over a child's head but giving them a life where they feel loved, accepted and safe, that's something entirely different. You were not able to meet your daughter on her level, she will always be this way, something tells me you will never fully accept this part of her.

OP, don't let the bolded scare you.

I am the opposite of my mother, but I love her dearly and appreciate her for all that she could do. Could she do everything for me? Of course not. But she did what she could, and she loved me every step of the way. I fully accept her, and she fully accepts me. There was a time when I wanted her to be more like me and vice versa. But now we know we are very different, and we are both happy with who we are.

You can give her a life where she feels loved, accepted and safe(I actually think you have given her that, which is why she is so open with her thoughts; she feels safe with you).
If she doesn't know it now, she will recognize that this is what you were trying to do all along. Eventually, it will not matter that she thinks you failed on your first or second try. It will matter that you tried and never gave up until you got there. You can do it now. It's not too late. You got this.

[Anonymous]

Has she considered becoming an art therapist, music therapist or expressive arts therapist?

She could go to grad school for social work in mental health or for art, music or expressive arts therapy and be surrounded by all sorts of people who share her world view and sensitive artist disposition. Either route would lead to private practice where she can feel her emotions all day long, do art and rant against capitalism and the NWO. If it fits your value system, offer to pay for the grad degree and then the problem is fixed.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

She is freaking 22! Not 32 or 42 married with kids hustling to pay a mortgage. The world is her dang oyster. If she wants to pursue art, she can!! She can get a PT job and enroll in a artsy program and continue her studies.

[Anonymous]

Some of you have no idea what you’re talking about. I got a degree in fine art (I paid for it myself btw) and I now have a nice job making 6 figures working for a big name company. I have worked with others in the past who were art or English majors and do very well.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a clueless and selfish Gen Zer. Typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you have no idea what you’re talking about. I got a degree in fine art (I paid for it myself btw) and I now have a nice job making 6 figures working for a big name company. I have worked with others in the past who were art or English majors and do very well.

Doing what?

[Anonymous]

Just came here from the “more childless adults won’t be having kids” thread and want to say….reading this doesn’t inspire confidence in anyone to have children. OP wasn’t abusive and provided well for her daughter and instead of gratitude, the daughter is resentful and bitter. Why would anyone want to have children if this is the kind of outcome you can expect?

[Anonymous]

I don't think we are getting the whole story here. My parents controlled me--no parties, told me my friends hated me, didn't buy food and then got mad at me for eating at friend's houses and telling friend's families about the lack of food. On the outside, my parents look and sound great. Nice house. Paid for college (they chose because we couldn't choose). They seemed super supportive and prouded even when they told me they were surprised I got into a top 10 grad school. They are actually terrible people and were awful to me and my sister. However, my mother probably would say the same things at the OP. My mother always presents herself as a victim. I think there is truth somewhere in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You’re definitely not an Asian mom. Point out to your daughter how dumb it is to vilify capitalism and yet expect people to pay money for her artwork. If she’s genuine, she’ll survive by bartering and living off the grid. Your daughter is not just spoiled but a phoney who is deluded.

OP here. Lol I am actually half Asian (south Asian not Chinese). But raised in different countries. Global nomad if there is truly such a thing. But south Asians have that rigid standard of things. I wouldn't have dared say the types of things to my parents that my daughter says to me.

Well as an Asian non-parent, I salute you for being accommodating and super nice to your kid. You are right that she would not be tolerated in the cultures we come from.

[Anonymous]

I’m beginning to believe that part of what is going wrong in our society and youth is that the kids aren’t experiencing real trauma. As crazy as it sounds, the kids with worse childhoods (I don’t mean impoverished or abusive, but just less catered to) are doing better. At least that’s what I’m seeing.