Resentful, bitter young adult child (newly graduated)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m beginning to believe that part of what is going wrong in our society and youth is that the kids aren’t experiencing real trauma. As crazy as it sounds, the kids with worse childhoods (I don’t mean impoverished or abusive, but just less catered to) are doing better. At least that’s what I’m seeing.

Posted too soon. Adding that kids who don’t have actual things to complain about manufacture them. I think humans need some kind of push to become adults and when their parents have been pretty good overall, the kids have to make up stuff to be upset about so they can launch themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound super critical and not emotionally supportive.

Why not just tell her you love her and she's 22 and can be anything she wants to be? It will take hustle and work, but she can be an artist or work in a snazzy art gallery or whatever she wants. Even if she's not thrilled with her marketing degree, you're proud of her for getting it because it taught her some skills and is a great backup plan that will pay the bills while she works on her next step. It will be the joy of your life watching her come into her own as an adult and you can't wait to see what she becomes.

Just love her and have faith in her. Acknowledge life is hard. Share stories where you worked hard to get on your feet as an adult or had bad jobs or bad bosses. Let her know you think she can do amazing things but don't try to orchestrate them for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m beginning to believe that part of what is going wrong in our society and youth is that the kids aren’t experiencing real trauma. As crazy as it sounds, the kids with worse childhoods (I don’t mean impoverished or abusive, but just less catered to) are doing better. At least that’s what I’m seeing.

Posted too soon. Adding that kids who don’t have actual things to complain about manufacture them. I think humans need some kind of push to become adults and when their parents have been pretty good overall, the kids have to make up stuff to be upset about so they can launch themselves.

I 100% agree. That has been the case with my DD. Insane entitled behavior all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound super critical and not emotionally supportive.

Why not just tell her you love her and she's 22 and can be anything she wants to be? It will take hustle and work, but she can be an artist or work in a snazzy art gallery or whatever she wants. Even if she's not thrilled with her marketing degree, you're proud of her for getting it because it taught her some skills and is a great backup plan that will pay the bills while she works on her next step. It will be the joy of your life watching her come into her own as an adult and you can't wait to see what she becomes.

Just love her and have faith in her. Acknowledge life is hard. Share stories where you worked hard to get on your feet as an adult or had bad jobs or bad bosses. Let her know you think she can do amazing things but don't try to orchestrate them for her.

OP does not sound overly critical and emotionally unsupportive. If anything, she sounds like a saint, who if fed up with her DD's BS!
Her DD is 22 years old for gosh's sake! If she wants to be an artist she can become an artist! But, she wants mom to "make" her into an artist while she watchess Netflix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m beginning to believe that part of what is going wrong in our society and youth is that the kids aren’t experiencing real trauma. As crazy as it sounds, the kids with worse childhoods (I don’t mean impoverished or abusive, but just less catered to) are doing better. At least that’s what I’m seeing.

Millennial here whose grandmother survived a war and nearly got killed and had to hide from being raped by the occupying soldiers. Anytime I think I am having a bad day, I remind myself that I don’t have the right to be because women in previous generations in my family had it worse. They were illiterate, forced into marriage, forced to have children. In comparison, I have full autonomy over my body and money of my own. All this to say I agree with you PP.

[Anonymous]

Op, I feel you. I have all but cut off my 24-year-old resentful daughter. She is toxic and has a mean spirit, which looking back, I realized when she was younger.

I did the best I could with raising her, and also realize that her misery/victimhood is hers to own. I am hopeful that she will outgrow it, but fully understand that this may just be who she is. My middle sister is the same way as my daughter, and my sister has sadly only gotten worse over the years.

Loathsome, resentful people are sometimes the opposite outcome of what was put into them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You parented the kid you wanted instead of the kid you got… you reap what you sow.

What the hell does this even mean?! Shut up and stop trying to sound deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound super critical and not emotionally supportive.

Why not just tell her you love her and she's 22 and can be anything she wants to be? It will take hustle and work, but she can be an artist or work in a snazzy art gallery or whatever she wants. Even if she's not thrilled with her marketing degree, you're proud of her for getting it because it taught her some skills and is a great backup plan that will pay the bills while she works on her next step. It will be the joy of your life watching her come into her own as an adult and you can't wait to see what she becomes.

Just love her and have faith in her. Acknowledge life is hard. Share stories where you worked hard to get on your feet as an adult or had bad jobs or bad bosses. Let her know you think she can do amazing things but don't try to orchestrate them for her.

OP does not sound overly critical and emotionally unsupportive. If anything, she sounds like a saint, who if fed up with her DD's BS!
Her DD is 22 years old for gosh's sake! If she wants to be an artist she can become an artist! But, she wants mom to "make" her into an artist while she watchess Netflix.

Oh come on, OP was clearly gloating that her DD didn't sell a single piece of art, like it justified her not encouraging her daughter to pursue art. She could have instead told the same story, but it could have been about her daughter putting herself out there and trying and being discouraged. Not all kids would have even tried. There's being actually supportive and being "supportive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m beginning to believe that part of what is going wrong in our society and youth is that the kids aren’t experiencing real trauma. As crazy as it sounds, the kids with worse childhoods (I don’t mean impoverished or abusive, but just less catered to) are doing better. At least that’s what I’m seeing.

Posted too soon. Adding that kids who don’t have actual things to complain about manufacture them. I think humans need some kind of push to become adults and when their parents have been pretty good overall, the kids have to make up stuff to be upset about so they can launch themselves.

Some of that, yes. But also the media in general and social media in particular create a very unrealistic impression of what adult life is like. Even for the people who haven't experienced a major tragedy, there are all sorts of curveballs that life throws at them.