Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

So what is this person with 4 free tickets supposed to do?

Not invite anyone?

Skip over someone but it's ok if it's not your husband?

I don't get it. I don't understand this idea that it's an insult not to be the closest person to x. I bet your husband did not consider this guy his best friend; why isn't it ok for the guy not to consider your husband his bestie? Why is that an insult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

So what is this person with 4 free tickets supposed to do?

Not invite anyone?

Skip over someone but it's ok if it's not your husband?

I don't get it. I don't understand this idea that it's an insult not to be the closest person to x. I bet your husband did not consider this guy his best friend; why isn't it ok for the guy not to consider your husband his bestie? Why is that an insult?

NP. If I were the person with the tickets and genuinely wanted to include everyone, I’d suggest to the group that we buy one more ticket and split the cost 5 ways. So okay, the event is no longer totally free, but everyone pays 20% of the price of a ticket, which is still a good deal. I’ve had a similar situation come up with a group of friends, and everyone was happy to handle it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel hurt to (because this suggests that the birthday celebrant is not as close to you as the others). But there is really not much you can do about that. It sounds like she was not your fave anyway.

I would NOT be hurt because your other friends did not tell you. It is awkward to be invited to something when another is not. It is NOT their place to reveal that to the uninvited person. They did not want to hurt you or have to discuss the inviter's reasoning.

Just move forward knowing that you are not among the birthday girl's closest friends.Continue to invite the people whose company you enjoy to events. It is part of life. But your feelings are understandable.

I would feel hurt, too, but for the exact opposite reasons. It's fine for the birthday girl not to invite someone to whom she isn't that close, but it's not ok for the friends not to be upfront about it, which makes it awkward and weird when it doesn't have to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

Lol I hope you are joking about vague-booking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

So what is this person with 4 free tickets supposed to do?

Not invite anyone?

Skip over someone but it's ok if it's not your husband?

I don't get it. I don't understand this idea that it's an insult not to be the closest person to x. I bet your husband did not consider this guy his best friend; why isn't it ok for the guy not to consider your husband his bestie? Why is that an insult?

All I’m saying is that we got the message - noted, not in your top 4.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this happened to you. The other friends may not have known until everyone showed up, unless she specifically told them you weren’t invited and not to say a word to you. It makes things awkward for sure. Hopefully this isn’t your only friendship circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

Lol I hope you are joking about vague-booking.

No not joking. These are the situations FB is perfect for. That way you don’t have to actually confront anyone, everyone already knows that you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

No, saying "Get a hobby" like a teen.

It's shorthand for "find better ways to invest your time and energy rather than focusing on petty nonsense." There you go, if you need things spelled out...like a toddler.

You sound so nasty and unhappy.

Who would take advice from the likes of you?!

[Anonymous]

How do you know these people and how long have you known them?

If this is a group of friends you've known for 15+ years from college, then yeah it's really sh#tty.

If this is a group you've only met in the last 12-18 months, just let it roll off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a social group with four other couples. The men hang out regularly, as do the women, and sometimes in a group. However, there's one woman out of the group with whom I'm not especially close, but we get along well when we see each other in these larger settings.

Last weekend, I asked these friends to hang out and everyone was busy but didn't say doing what.

Then my husband saw the guy "group" last night, and men being men and having no clue about social stuff, were open about the fun their wives had at this woman's birthday party. I guess she had a dinner at an outdoor restaurant and invited every woman in the group except me (and a few other women outside this group came too).

I am really pretty hurt. I'm inclusive and friendly. Would it have killed her to invite me? It just feels like a weird slight, especially as I include her in every group thing, and we all hang out as couples as well.

What would you think and how would you feel? I cannot tell if I'm being babyish or if I'm right to feel miffed.

Why do women (largely, this is women) do sh-- like this? I don't understand it. In every stage of life (from MS through adulthood). There's always one or 2 a--holes who cannot bother to be inclusive. If they are all part of a group that meets regularly and was not invited - the only one- that's a pretty deliberate snub and absolute a-hole behavior. One more would not have killed her. If she had / has an issue with OP, she should out it to her instead of making things awkward and engaging in queen bee behavior.

If you're a woman and do sh-- like this, you suck. And if you're the complicit friends, you also suck. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

Lol I hope you are joking about vague-booking.

No not joking. These are the situations FB is perfect for. That way you don’t have to actually confront anyone, everyone already knows that you know.

Vague-booking is quite literally THE WORST ADVICE I've ever heard. Grown ups don't vague book. And if you did this, in our 40s, about not being invited to a birthday dinner I would know I made the right choice because you are a psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

Lol I hope you are joking about vague-booking.

No not joking. These are the situations FB is perfect for. That way you don’t have to actually confront anyone, everyone already knows that you know.

Oh my goodness, no. This would not only ostracize her from this group, but any other would-be friends. I would avoid anyone IRL who did something like this. Totally pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s trying to edge you out of the group. Proceed with caution.

How old are you? I assume most adults in their 30s or older don't have time for this kind of crap. A woman is allowed to invite your friends to a birthday party without inviting you. You can continue being friends with all your friends - and even her, if you want. It doesn't matter.

Np. True. But why did the friends lie and not tell her why they were busy? I think op knows she doesn't have the right to every invitation but lying is sneaky and exclusionary.

Op I would try to find another group of friends and not view them as good friends anymore. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

No, saying "Get a hobby" like a teen.

It's shorthand for "find better ways to invest your time and energy rather than focusing on petty nonsense." There you go, if you need things spelled out...like a toddler.

You sound so nasty and unhappy.

Who would take advice from the likes of you?!

If you don't like what I'm saying, you can stop questioning and engaging me at any time, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

Lol I hope you are joking about vague-booking.

No not joking. These are the situations FB is perfect for. That way you don’t have to actually confront anyone, everyone already knows that you know.

I still think / hope you're joking. But if not - NO ONE LIKES VAGUE BOOKING! LOL.