Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No no no. She’s being polite. I would have ignored the whole party thing and if I wanted to get closer to the friend just invite her out for coffee. Now you will be known as a drama queen.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

I am vested in this now. OP, please give us an update 6 months down the line about how this group of friends act towards you. If they are still your friends or if you've been phased out.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she sent you an white. Did you check the spam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

I’m so embarrassed for you. She is being utterly graceful, and acting like this is “refreshing,” but it’s not. You were beyond immature and rude; who she invited to her birthday—whether it was thrown by her or not—is NONE of your business. You can bet she and the other friends in the group are now discussing how to “navigate” you going forward. Ugh.

Yeah, that’s kind of my read on it, too.

+2. I won't be surprised if OP is slowly phased out of this group.

Not OP but this cynical take on things is very sad. I previously thought OP shouldn’t reach out to the friend but she did in a very respectful manner and got a similar response. My take is this will bring the friendship closer. As adults, if we want fruitful, healthy relationships with those around us, we need to be comfortable expressing our fears/concerns/vulnerabilities when we’re hurt in order to move things forward.

This is a naive take. Women just don’t function this way especially people who have no qualms about excluding group members and then pretend to not realize it. The future of this friendship is toast.

[Anonymous]

Op there was no other way she could reply. As she said she made the guest list which included the rest of the group, how could she not notice that you were left out. I would try to get to know her better but honestly she does seem like she is a little immature cliquey type that likes a little drama.

Hopefully I am wrong and it goes well for you. At this stage it is more important to make sure the other friendships are strong. I wouldn't trust this woman just yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

OP-- honestly, it was a bad idea to contact her. Your group knew in advance you weren't invited and that it was deliberate (and must have been discussed ahead of time)-- otherwise your friends wouldn't have acted evasive.

[Anonymous]

Op, so many people concerned about how others perceive you. But, you have to live with yourself first. It’s not a game you must navigate. You did well. And good things will come to you. If not these friends than others. You will know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

I’m so embarrassed for you. She is being utterly graceful, and acting like this is “refreshing,” but it’s not. You were beyond immature and rude; who she invited to her birthday—whether it was thrown by her or not—is NONE of your business. You can bet she and the other friends in the group are now discussing how to “navigate” you going forward. Ugh.

+1

The other woman is very elegant and the OP is… not. At all.

I can see why she doesn’t like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she sent you an white. Did you check the spam

What kind of racist shit is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

That's a great resolution OP.

Game recognize game. OP got played.

Um, what?

Birthday girl had a smooth response. She played OP. PP recognized this.

[Anonymous]

I like the response. I hope you have coffee and the friendship gets closer! Keep us posted.