Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

[Anonymous]

That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

I don’t know what you mean, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

Yep. People love the power and exercising it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just not a friend group gal. I prefer seeing friends 1-1 or occasionally is a very small group. I find once the group gets larger there is always some power play, or some diva who doesn't like me or some sort of BS. I get invited to girl group stuff and usually make an excuse. I finally gave in with one group and by the second meet up sure enough there was a queen who made it ever so clear she had invited me and was not happy I had been included. No thanks. I make it clear to the ones I am friends with I am open to getting together, but I will not get together with a group of women without our husbands there. For some reason, even the divas are pleasant when the husband is there to witness.

+1 Every group of females friends I’ve ever been on the periphery of as an adult has thrown up so many red flags. Even worse when the husbands are all expected to be friends as well.

This is not my experience and makes me think the problem might be you. I'm in several different groups of girlfriends and we're all adults who care about, support each other and enjoy each other's company. Adult women who think other women are sO mUcH dRamA are usually the ones with the issue.

Hahaha, ok, thanks. Noted. FWIW, I have several very close adult female friends me who mean the world to me. It’s more the groups of 4+ women that form around kid friendships/neighborhood blocks/schools/etc. that I’ve learned to avoid. I’m glad to hear it’s not universal, though.

Love you. I am the other one who is not into large lady groups, but I do fine with female friends and forming close friendships. Your response made me laugh and it was so what i would do. Don't get noted and just be like "OK lady thanks for sharing!" I also laugh because I worked with someone who always bragged about her massive group of lady friends who meant the world to her....until she dumped them all and complained what a bunch of b&tches they were. She used to go on and on about the love and kinship they all shared and then all of sudden she sang a different tune....and obsessed about how awful they were daily.

LOL.
This was a friend of mine who invited me to a few events. I immediately knew most were not my kind of crowd and were likely backstabbers. Or drama filled. I went my own way, and was busy with my young kids at the time, and family vacations. Sure enough they all ended up being enemies though many lived nearby! When the bubble burst half lost their homes because they were so busy tapping the equity out of their homes, and buying huge suburbans they couldn't afford to impress each other. It was a sh$t show. In fact, the one snobby home decorator who asked me... then didn't take my advice invited me once again after the bubble burst to become one of the investors in her travel pyramid scheme. She never learned, but I'm glad it taught me a long time ago a person's character is very important. Avoid people who have a poor character at all costs, and learn to spot those red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Something sort of similar happened to us where a guy had 4 free tickets and there were 5 of us in the group & my husband did not make the cut. We are still friends with them but we made a note of it for interactions going forward if you know what I mean. Sorry - it sucks.

I don’t know what you mean, actually.

Lol well mainly we consider the person who had the tickets as the one who made the decision so we don’t hold it against the others. But just like ok - noted - I’m not in your top 4 haha. And we do try to be inclusive but if there was ever a situation where we couldn’t fit everyone - we wouldn’t have to feel bad if that guy didn’t make the cut.

This was a number of years ago and we are largely over it at this point. Haha.

[Anonymous]

I would feel hurt to (because this suggests that the birthday celebrant is not as close to you as the others). But there is really not much you can do about that. It sounds like she was not your fave anyway.

I would NOT be hurt because your other friends did not tell you. It is awkward to be invited to something when another is not. It is NOT their place to reveal that to the uninvited person. They did not want to hurt you or have to discuss the inviter's reasoning.

Just move forward knowing that you are not among the birthday girl's closest friends.Continue to invite the people whose company you enjoy to events. It is part of life. But your feelings are understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

No, saying "Get a hobby" like a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

No, saying "Get a hobby" like a teen.

It's shorthand for "find better ways to invest your time and energy rather than focusing on petty nonsense." There you go, if you need things spelled out...like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

No, saying "Get a hobby" like a teen.

It's shorthand for "find better ways to invest your time and energy rather than focusing on petty nonsense." There you go, if you need things spelled out...like a toddler.

DP. Please. We’re all here for the petty nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine giving shyt about not being invited to the birthday of a woman *with whom you are not even close and only see in a group setting.* Get a hobby.

Imagine feeling the need to post this!

...imagine what, posting one's opinion on an opinion-posting forum?

No, saying "Get a hobby" like a teen.

It's shorthand for "find better ways to invest your time and energy rather than focusing on petty nonsense." There you go, if you need things spelled out...like a toddler.

Oh, dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just not a friend group gal. I prefer seeing friends 1-1 or occasionally is a very small group. I find once the group gets larger there is always some power play, or some diva who doesn't like me or some sort of BS. I get invited to girl group stuff and usually make an excuse. I finally gave in with one group and by the second meet up sure enough there was a queen who made it ever so clear she had invited me and was not happy I had been included. No thanks. I make it clear to the ones I am friends with I am open to getting together, but I will not get together with a group of women without our husbands there. For some reason, even the divas are pleasant when the husband is there to witness.

Where do you live, out of curiosity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

Lmao!