Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

I’m so embarrassed for you. She is being utterly graceful, and acting like this is “refreshing,” but it’s not. You were beyond immature and rude; who she invited to her birthday—whether it was thrown by her or not—is NONE of your business. You can bet she and the other friends in the group are now discussing how to “navigate” you going forward. Ugh.

Yeah, that’s kind of my read on it, too.

+2. I won't be surprised if OP is slowly phased out of this group.

You just seem to relish drama. Get over it. It was an honest and forthright communication between adults instead of passive-aggressive junior high bull. Why are you so cynical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

I’m so embarrassed for you. She is being utterly graceful, and acting like this is “refreshing,” but it’s not. You were beyond immature and rude; who she invited to her birthday—whether it was thrown by her or not—is NONE of your business. You can bet she and the other friends in the group are now discussing how to “navigate” you going forward. Ugh.

“Fruitful” and “healthy” adult relationships do not start with one friend whining “But what about meeeeeeeee” because they didn’t get invited to every little thing.
Yeah, that’s kind of my read on it, too.

+2. I won't be surprised if OP is slowly phased out of this group.

Not OP but this cynical take on things is very sad. I previously thought OP shouldn’t reach out to the friend but she did in a very respectful manner and got a similar response. My take is this will bring the friendship closer. As adults, if we want fruitful, healthy relationships with those around us, we need to be comfortable expressing our fears/concerns/vulnerabilities when we’re hurt in order to move things forward.

[Anonymous]

I wish more people could be direct and vulnerable in this way! But I can see why people are afraid to, thanks to these judgmental and mean-girl posts about the OP being "phased out" and needing to be "navigated." Every person wants to feel INCLUDED and SEEN. It is a human need. This doesn't mean we all have to be invited to everything all the time, but when someone legitimately feels hurt by a slight or an exclusion, it's GREAT TO SAY SO. It opens up the lines of communication. It's not needy. It's honest and bold.

Don't play into passive-aggressive drama. Don't snicker and fuel it. Don't be a drama gurl. BE REAL BE HONEST BE TRUE. Let's model this for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

This is not real. OP, why are you faking this? Lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

This is not real. OP, why are you faking this? Lame.

Um....OK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

This is not real. OP, why are you faking this? Lame.

Um....OK?

Another cynic………

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP you are getting phased out. Can’t believe you sent the text! Should have just vaguebooked it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP you are getting phased out. Can’t believe you sent the text! Should have just vaguebooked it

Is this 2011? vaguebooked!? What's next, deleting someone from your MySpace top 9?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

That's a great resolution OP.

Game recognize game. OP got played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

That's a great resolution OP.

Game recognize game. OP got played.

Um, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and just heard back:

This is one of tbe more refreshing texts I have received in my adult life. I apologize that you were hurt and now can see why you were. A friend planned the party for me, I gave her a guest list, and because we only see each other mainly in a larger group I didn't even think to invite you--and it only now when you texted occurred to me that everyone else in our grouo was invited. Stupid me. Please know this was not personal, just a function of us needing to hang out more. Would you like to grab coffee next week?

I feel RELIEF that I was direct.

And I am not in Dc area any longer so feel posiitve she is not on dcum

and THIS is why you respectfully ask. I predict this friendship now grows closer.
Good job, OP.

On what planet?

[Anonymous]

No no no. She’s being polite. I would have ignored the whole party thing and if I wanted to get closer to the friend just invite her out for coffee. Now you will be known as a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

There’s no good outcome left after OP texted, the very polite (and socially conscientious) response notwithstanding. The PP about phasing out is entirely correct. That’s what will happen.

If any of this is true, which at this point I give about 25% of being the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had my sympathy. But you’ve just ensured that next get together—if there is another one—is going to be really awkward.

It’s already gonna be awkward when the friend has chosen to invite everyone in the circle except ONE person.

[Anonymous]

I think Dawn D is OP and Sonya L and Chubky Monkeys are the responders on this thread …