Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even Joe Flacco declined an invite to the pro bowl so he could be with is very pregnant wife in case she gave birth. Some other football players would not have made that same choice - the player could have said to himself: i've worked so hard for this; it will affect my future and bring in more money for my family; the pro bowl is 1 day and what are the odds my wife would give birth that day; even if she did go into labor that day, i could jump on a jet and get to the hospital in time; being there to support the baby for his whole life is more important than being there on the day he is born which he wouldn't even remember; and so on. But Joe Flacco had a different view and put his family first. I suspect they have a strong marriage.

I hear what you are saying but the Pro Bowl is an all star exhibition game - a lot of players skip it for various reasons. But ask him if he would have missed the Super Bowl - which is the championship game for his sport.

[Anonymous]

Op, should let sister know - once - that she is disappointed. And then she should drop it. And not hold a grudge. And not discuss with Mom, and family, and stir up drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, should let sister know - once - that she is disappointed. And then she should drop it. And not hold a grudge. And not discuss with Mom, and family, and stir up drama.

+1000000

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

np here. I think you reeeeeally misunderstood the update.

I don't think so. I think the people who say that she's just ranting her anonymously misunderstood the update. She's clearly not just ranting here anonymously. By her own admission, she's talking with other family members about how terrible her sister's choices are and how much better hers are and will be. That's not just anonymous ranting; that's turned into being nasty in her own family. It's terrible, spoiled behavior.

Look, sometimes people don't go to weddings for reasons other than the choice you might personally make. It happens. In my family, wedding would trump child sports, but going around talking about how awful other people are about making other choices would definitely not be okay. That's unkind behavior no matter what the circumstances. OP's update makes it clear to me that the people who spotted her as a Bridezilla early on were right. Talking unkindly about her sister to family member -- and worse, by implication, doing the same about her her nephew/niece -- is a self-centered and crappy thing to do.



You seem a bit over the top and not in touch with anyone's reality but what you fantasize.

What you said: She is talking with other family members about how terrible her sister's choices are and how much better hers are and will be. She's going around talking about how awful the sister is in making the choice she made.
Your translation: That's nasty in her own family and terrible, spoiled behavior. It's talking unkindly about her sister and nephew. Self-centered.

What OP said: She spoke with her mom about the situation, who could've been irate or sympathetic and called her about it. She told her mom to give her hell if she makes the same choice in 14 years.
A rationale person's translation: In what family would the aunt and mom NOT have a conversation about what transpired? The aunt could have been talking the mom off the ledge with some humor. Clearly the mom had an issue with it too. Can they not be privately mad at or disappointed in the sister? Can they not process it together? Weird experctation that everyone just remain silent and do not discuss the nephew's surprise absense.

Looks like if you were the sister, you'd be the one causing family drama (man are you over-dramatic; your interpersonal lens is OFF) and a long-lasting family riff. Nice.

FYI, there's one person on here saying Bridezilla. No one else agrees. So it's probably you despite your "change of heart" claim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even Joe Flacco declined an invite to the pro bowl so he could be with is very pregnant wife in case she gave birth. Some other football players would not have made that same choice - the player could have said to himself: i've worked so hard for this; it will affect my future and bring in more money for my family; the pro bowl is 1 day and what are the odds my wife would give birth that day; even if she did go into labor that day, i could jump on a jet and get to the hospital in time; being there to support the baby for his whole life is more important than being there on the day he is born which he wouldn't even remember; and so on. But Joe Flacco had a different view and put his family first. I suspect they have a strong marriage.

I hear what you are saying but the Pro Bowl is an all star exhibition game - a lot of players skip it for various reasons. But ask him if he would have missed the Super Bowl - which is the championship game for his sport.

Agree that this nephew's pre-season tournament is the equivalent of the SuperBowl. As an aside, he's paid millions each year to show up at the SB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, should let sister know - once - that she is disappointed. And then she should drop it. And not hold a grudge. And not discuss with Mom, and family, and stir up drama.

+1000000

Exactly.

Agree. Somewhere in this crazy thread, this is exactly what she said she was going to do or did do! How very bridezilla. Apparently no one knows what a bridezilla is. If you think it's this OP, I worry about your ability to maintain any relationships in life. Eek.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people who love me missed my wedding.

I was gracious and said, only nice things to them about it. Life went on and it just didn't matter.

Thanks! This is how mature people feel about it.

What if your sister missed your wedding because she had a work Xmas party or your mom missed because she volunteers every weekend at her church. Give me a break. Not what pages OP's responses are on (they all start "OP here") but she never said she didn't say only nice things about it to the sister or nephew. This is an anonymous online vent. Or actually she said she was checking her thinking with us.

Really? That's your analogy? Do you really think my mom would do something like that if it weren't typical of who she was, for better or worse (and what if her volunteering was a very large soup kitchen, and her backup was sick -- I'd be fine. I'd still be married. or what if she was being selfish and this was typical -- then I'd be angry about her being a selfish person and probably be glad she baled.) Again, it is just a wedding. I'd be a lot more upset if she came to my wedding and then was awful to my spouse thereafter. That is the part that really matters.

That it is just a wedding is your value. Is it an abomination to think of a wedding as more than a dumb event that the couple might as well do by themselves in a courthouse? Apparently if you think it is more than just a routine event, you're a nut and self-centered or selfish. I thought of my wedding as a family moment beyond just me and my husband. I guess I'm a real dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, should let sister know - once - that she is disappointed. And then she should drop it. And not hold a grudge. And not discuss with Mom, and family, and stir up drama.

+1000000

Exactly.

Agree. Somewhere in this crazy thread, this is exactly what she said she was going to do or did do! How very bridezilla. Apparently no one knows what a bridezilla is. If you think it's this OP, I worry about your ability to maintain any relationships in life. Eek.

No, OP already said she talked about it with her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people who love me missed my wedding.

I was gracious and said, only nice things to them about it. Life went on and it just didn't matter.

Thanks! This is how mature people feel about it.

What if your sister missed your wedding because she had a work Xmas party or your mom missed because she volunteers every weekend at her church. Give me a break. Not what pages OP's responses are on (they all start "OP here") but she never said she didn't say only nice things about it to the sister or nephew. This is an anonymous online vent. Or actually she said she was checking her thinking with us.

Really? That's your analogy? Do you really think my mom would do something like that if it weren't typical of who she was, for better or worse (and what if her volunteering was a very large soup kitchen, and her backup was sick -- I'd be fine. I'd still be married. or what if she was being selfish and this was typical -- then I'd be angry about her being a selfish person and probably be glad she baled.) Again, it is just a wedding. I'd be a lot more upset if she came to my wedding and then was awful to my spouse thereafter. That is the part that really matters.

That it is just a wedding is your value. Is it an abomination to think of a wedding as more than a dumb event that the couple might as well do by themselves in a courthouse? Apparently if you think it is more than just a routine event, you're a nut and self-centered or selfish. I thought of my wedding as a family moment beyond just me and my husband. I guess I'm a real dick.

My real point, without the name calling, is that none of us control the universe and none of us are at the center of other people's universes. No good comes from creating family drama. A wedding is not a routine event, that is for sure, but honestly, my wedding mattered more to me than to anyone else. I appreciate those who came to celebrate with me, but I waste no energy judging on those who did not.

[Anonymous]

In what family with two sisters and a mom would the aunt and the mom NOT talk about it? I just don't relate to the shock and appall at that fact. In my mind, OF COURSE the mom talked about it with the aunt and likely with the sister too. It's a close family. The nephew is not coming.

Here's me in that situation:

Sister call to aunt: Hey we have an issue and Jimmy can't come.
Aunt: Oh no. How did this happen? Any way around it?

Sister to mom: Need to tell you something crappy. Jimmy can't go to the wedding.
Mom: WTF!

Aunt to mom: I guess you heard about Jimmy.
Mom: I'm beside myself about it.
Aunt: I'm bummed about it too, but it is what it is.

PURE EVIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even Joe Flacco declined an invite to the pro bowl so he could be with is very pregnant wife in case she gave birth. Some other football players would not have made that same choice - the player could have said to himself: i've worked so hard for this; it will affect my future and bring in more money for my family; the pro bowl is 1 day and what are the odds my wife would give birth that day; even if she did go into labor that day, i could jump on a jet and get to the hospital in time; being there to support the baby for his whole life is more important than being there on the day he is born which he wouldn't even remember; and so on. But Joe Flacco had a different view and put his family first. I suspect they have a strong marriage.

I hear what you are saying but the Pro Bowl is an all star exhibition game - a lot of players skip it for various reasons. But ask him if he would have missed the Super Bowl - which is the championship game for his sport.

Agree that this nephew's pre-season tournament is the equivalent of the SuperBowl. As an aside, he's paid millions each year to show up at the SB.

Yea, good one....EXCEPT the PP talks about Flacco and the Pro Bowl. I was addressing that. I stopped addressing the OP's situation about 4 pages ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When one of my kids was 14, she was penalized for missing one (JV) high school game to come to the hospital when I was having breast lumps removed and worried I had cancer (thankfully I did not). I thought it was shitty of the coach but didn't say a word. It also wasn't something life threatening, I realize..I said it was ok for her to go to the game but she decided to come for the surgery instead. She wasn't kicked off the team but wasn't allowed to play a game or two and was chewed out for missing one.single.game. She did later go on to college with a full athletic scholarship for her sport.
Anyway, yeah it sucks he may miss the wedding but just let it go and don't worry about it OP

And I bet you you and your daughter looking back on that day realize her being there was as great thing to do and made your bond even stronger. And alas, she is still in her sport with a scholarship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, should let sister know - once - that she is disappointed. And then she should drop it. And not hold a grudge. And not discuss with Mom, and family, and stir up drama.

yeah right, not discuss it with her mom. Give me a break. The mom will already find out herself why her grandson is bailing on the wedding. It will be discussed by many people besides the bride. If they are a close family, the sister will be embarrassed to keep telling family "Hey where is Billy?" sister "Oh he is at a soccer game." "For real??"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even Joe Flacco declined an invite to the pro bowl so he could be with is very pregnant wife in case she gave birth. Some other football players would not have made that same choice - the player could have said to himself: i've worked so hard for this; it will affect my future and bring in more money for my family; the pro bowl is 1 day and what are the odds my wife would give birth that day; even if she did go into labor that day, i could jump on a jet and get to the hospital in time; being there to support the baby for his whole life is more important than being there on the day he is born which he wouldn't even remember; and so on. But Joe Flacco had a different view and put his family first. I suspect they have a strong marriage.

I hear what you are saying but the Pro Bowl is an all star exhibition game - a lot of players skip it for various reasons. But ask him if he would have missed the Super Bowl - which is the championship game for his sport.

Agree that this nephew's pre-season tournament is the equivalent of the SuperBowl. As an aside, he's paid millions each year to show up at the SB.

And the nephew is in a pre-season tournament as a freshman. Less than the Super Bowl AND the pro-bowl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people who love me missed my wedding.

I was gracious and said, only nice things to them about it. Life went on and it just didn't matter.

Thanks! This is how mature people feel about it.

What if your sister missed your wedding because she had a work Xmas party or your mom missed because she volunteers every weekend at her church. Give me a break. Not what pages OP's responses are on (they all start "OP here") but she never said she didn't say only nice things about it to the sister or nephew. This is an anonymous online vent. Or actually she said she was checking her thinking with us.

Really? That's your analogy? Do you really think my mom would do something like that if it weren't typical of who she was, for better or worse (and what if her volunteering was a very large soup kitchen, and her backup was sick -- I'd be fine. I'd still be married. or what if she was being selfish and this was typical -- then I'd be angry about her being a selfish person and probably be glad she baled.) Again, it is just a wedding. I'd be a lot more upset if she came to my wedding and then was awful to my spouse thereafter. That is the part that really matters.

That it is just a wedding is your value. Is it an abomination to think of a wedding as more than a dumb event that the couple might as well do by themselves in a courthouse? Apparently if you think it is more than just a routine event, you're a nut and self-centered or selfish. I thought of my wedding as a family moment beyond just me and my husband. I guess I'm a real dick.

My real point, without the name calling, is that none of us control the universe and none of us are at the center of other people's universes. No good comes from creating family drama. A wedding is not a routine event, that is for sure, but honestly, my wedding mattered more to me than to anyone else. I appreciate those who came to celebrate with me, but I waste no energy judging on those who did not.

So if your parents decided to be somewhere else you would have been fine?

I love how people say it is only for me. Then have it at the courthouse with your fiancee. Stop the BS that it is just for you. You invited people and you really want the close people in your life there. That is EVERYONE's intentions when they have a wedding.

The OP is close with her niece and nephew and wanted them there to celebrate. That does not make her a bridezilla and it doesn't make her selfish. She is allowed to be disappointed.