Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody should be eating chicken nuggets. Why people even introduce those to kids is beyond me.

If I were you OP, I'd figure out a way to get out--LEARN how to find your way back to his family's house. Go for a walk, enjoy the new environment, smell the smells, eat the eats, and have fun. I doubt anyone is forcing you to sit around the house all day, it's a choice you're making out of fear. Make a different choice.

OP here. It's not safe. The traffic is crazy here and we don't speak the language. It would be very hard to understand unless you were here. The driving style is very unsafe. It's very, very different. We can't walk down the road and go to Starbucks...

So you go with a family member who speaks the language, and knows how to navigate the roadways. You are acting like you are visiting a zoo. So strange. Do you even think of his family as people? Equal to you and your family of origin? You sound so disdainful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think people are being overly tough on you. You know that 95% of these comments are made by middle-aged women living in upper-class comfort who would HATE to be where you are right now.

I'm not sure why you went though given the circumstances. There is room for compromise here. I’d shorten the trip or insist on the remainder being in a hotel.

100% agree. I'm an UC 59 year old and there's no way I would have gone, and I'm married to a person born in a 3rd world country (India). Fortunately, he has no desire to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is in a city of 2 million people. Hardly a village.

Ok, not many hotels but here's one for $27/night with... a hot shower:
https://www.booking.com/hotel/bd/raffles-inn.html#tab-main

You don't even have to sleep there. Just take it for a few nights and go to shower if you like.

Worried about walking on the streets? Take an Uber: https://www.uber.com/en-BD/newsroom/uber-expands-services-to-20-cities-across-all-8-divisions-in-bangladesh/

Though the streets look pretty normal to me for that region:
https://www.google.com/maps/@23.6073123,89.841811,3a,75y,81.59h,84.31t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sB4HMB2-_ueY_z1nFnSck9g!2e0!7i16384!8i8192?entry=ttu

English is taught in all schools there -- it's compulsory. Sure few are fluent, but English is hardly a "foreign" language there. You can peruse one of the 10 English language newspapers next time you're at a newsstand.

Op here. I doubt it is warm water showers like we are used to in the US. They use a water boiler in the bathroom but there isn't a way to combine both hot and cold water so it will come out of the shower head. His family told me they had a hot water shower before this visit but once I arrived I realized it's not what we are used to in the US. If I suggested going to a hotel my dh would balk or think his family would get offended. His family may own that hotel. I can check. One of his uncles owns a hotel around here.

Uber isn't in this city. The streets are usually more congested than that. There are also huge buses like mega bus types that go down those roads. I don't feel safe walking down those sidewalks.
The only thing we would be able to do is going to a corner shop and buy small items so it's not very exciting. My kids are having a good time as a side note. One of our kids is getting an x-ray today for his asthma and in the US the bill would be so much higher. There are definitely pros to visiting. I am going to take my sister in laws out shopping later to Aarong. It's a famous department store here.. Very high end clothing. I told them dh was treating them to a new dress. He balked at first but I insisted.

I’ve been scrolling through the Aarong website for like 20min. The textiles are gorgeous!

I also checked it out after reading your comment and I was underwhelmed with the designs. I can always find out stuff at Aza or FabIndia and then source it for far less from the merchants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is American born and raised SouthAsian?

Op here. No, if that was the case I would have probably been prepared. I am a white American from Connecticut. Before the first trip I think I watched a few videos and from the videos, I thought people would be riding on the tops of trains and I would see a lot of monkeys and elephants. I didn't see any monkeys. I saw one elephant and I didn't see any trains during the first visit. I went in blind. I wasn't even aware of mosquitos being a problem, no washer or dryers, or sleeping in a mosquito net. There are a lot of other things as well but I won't go into that. The people are so sweet though and they do seem happier than Americans. They enjoy life more it seems and have more friends and down time. If they aren't having downtime it seems a friend will always be around working with them. A lot of people own their own shops, car business etc, etc.

You cannot be this dumb. Seriously.

To be honest I’m Indian American and I know nothing about Bangladesh either

I would assume it’s just like India but when I sit and think about it I’ve never really heard of bangladeshi railways/trains either

Edit:

So I just looked it up and while Indian railways has been a thing for almost 200 years and has total track length of 80k miles

Bangladesh only has 2200 miles of track

That’s crazy. Rail is so central to my idea of south Asian identity even as a 2nd American — we grew up hearing about and visiting and riding on the railways that were terrible slow but extensive

Bangladesh really doesn’t even have that - crazy

Okay, i somehow let myself get sucked into this rabbit hole

When adjusted for size India has 1 mile of railway for every 15 meters of total square footage where as Bangladesh has 1 mile of railway for every 25 square miles. Not that shocking of a discrepancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think people are being overly tough on you. You know that 95% of these comments are made by middle-aged women living in upper-class comfort who would HATE to be where you are right now.

I'm not sure why you went though given the circumstances. There is room for compromise here. I’d shorten the trip or insist on the remainder being in a hotel.

100% agree. I'm an UC 59 year old and there's no way I would have gone, and I'm married to a person born in a 3rd world country (India). Fortunately, he has no desire to go back.

Your loss. India is a wonderful country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

You hired cooks in the US on a modest salary? How did you manage that?

If you live in places in the US that have a sizable Indian population you can either get aunties to come and cook in your home or pick up ready-made meals, often a few days or a week’s worth of food. The prices are very reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

It sounds like you live in a bubble

https://www.indiatoday.in/amp/diu/story/less-than-10-percent-indian-men-involved-household-chores-survey-1731199-2020-10-13

No. As I said, it is purely a SES issue.

In India, everyone in our circles and in our family have daily maids for chores. Each household has a daily cook who comes once or twice and cooks for the family or guests.

My nephews who are single young men working in big cities and living with flatmates have daily cooks who come in the morning before they leave for office and make their breakfast, pack their lunch and make dinner for them and keep it in the refrigerator.

In US, we cut down expenses on other things and paid for cleaners and landscapers. Now we can afford help when entertaining and pay for cooks, servers and bartenders when we are entertaining.

People may balk at the cost of domestic help in India or US, but, help is available in both countries if you are willing to pay a fair wage.

[Anonymous]

From Jeff's daily rundown:

"The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country". The thread was originally posted in the "Off-Topic" forum but I moved it to the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that she and her family are visiting her husband's family in a country that is much less developed than the United States. They are staying with her husband's family in a house in which taking a warm shower requires mixing boiling hot water with cold water and using a bucket. There is no air conditioning or heat and stores that have the items they would like to purchase are a three-hour drive away. The original poster and her kids are miserable but her husband is not understanding of the challenges they are facing. The original poster is very upset with him and using this thread to vent. This thread has already reached 21 pages. There are posters who are not sympathetic to the original poster and generally criticized her attitude and provided advice regarding what they believe are easy things that she can do to adjust. Other posters are more supportive of her and critical of her husband. The original poster has previously posted other threads about her husband and travels to his native country which results in the original poster being recognized by others who linked to her earlier threads. There are a number of disputes about whether or not the original poster is a troll, with one poster even starting a thread asking this in the "Website Feedback" forum. As I said in that thread, the poster is posting from Bangladesh, the country to which posters identified her as referring.

🚩However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work.

The thread is also full of Indians, people related to Indians, or people who have been to India who believe that they have all the answers for the original poster. But, as with all other advice, the original poster is not receptive and is convinced that what applies to India is irrelevent to Bangladesh. Some posters engage with this thread as if it is some sort of mystery that they most solve. The city in which she is visiting was identified and posters provided the average daily temperatures, population statistics, and other information that they think shows the original poster is misstating the reality of conditions.

🚩Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."


Come on, OP.
It's never good to sockpuppet your own posts -- especially when you're looking for support from us. 😕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

It sounds like you live in a bubble

https://www.indiatoday.in/amp/diu/story/less-than-10-percent-indian-men-involved-household-chores-survey-1731199-2020-10-13

No. As I said, it is purely a SES issue.

In India, everyone in our circles and in our family have daily maids for chores. Each household has a daily cook who comes once or twice and cooks for the family or guests.

My nephews who are single young men working in big cities and living with flatmates have daily cooks who come in the morning before they leave for office and make their breakfast, pack their lunch and make dinner for them and keep it in the refrigerator.

In US, we cut down expenses on other things and paid for cleaners and landscapers. Now we can afford help when entertaining and pay for cooks, servers and bartenders when we are entertaining.

People may balk at the cost of domestic help in India or US, but, help is available in both countries if you are willing to pay a fair wage.

Yes, and only a tiny percentage of people in the US, regardless of ethnic background, can afford this level of domestic help therefore, as previously stated, you obviously live in a bubble that is not representative of most Indian immigrants and your feigned shock in your prior post

“ Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. ”

just makes you sound ridiculous and out of touch. I’m betting you also post in the money and finances forum wondering how families can possibly survive on less than 250k per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
From Jeff's daily rundown:

"The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country". The thread was originally posted in the "Off-Topic" forum but I moved it to the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that she and her family are visiting her husband's family in a country that is much less developed than the United States. They are staying with her husband's family in a house in which taking a warm shower requires mixing boiling hot water with cold water and using a bucket. There is no air conditioning or heat and stores that have the items they would like to purchase are a three-hour drive away. The original poster and her kids are miserable but her husband is not understanding of the challenges they are facing. The original poster is very upset with him and using this thread to vent. This thread has already reached 21 pages. There are posters who are not sympathetic to the original poster and generally criticized her attitude and provided advice regarding what they believe are easy things that she can do to adjust. Other posters are more supportive of her and critical of her husband. The original poster has previously posted other threads about her husband and travels to his native country which results in the original poster being recognized by others who linked to her earlier threads. There are a number of disputes about whether or not the original poster is a troll, with one poster even starting a thread asking this in the "Website Feedback" forum. As I said in that thread, the poster is posting from Bangladesh, the country to which posters identified her as referring.

🚩However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work.

The thread is also full of Indians, people related to Indians, or people who have been to India who believe that they have all the answers for the original poster. But, as with all other advice, the original poster is not receptive and is convinced that what applies to India is irrelevent to Bangladesh. Some posters engage with this thread as if it is some sort of mystery that they most solve. The city in which she is visiting was identified and posters provided the average daily temperatures, population statistics, and other information that they think shows the original poster is misstating the reality of conditions.

🚩Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."


Come on, OP.
It's never good to sockpuppet your own posts -- especially when you're looking for support from us. 😕

I called it long ago in this thread. It’s obvious OP was sockpuppeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
From Jeff's daily rundown:

"The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country". The thread was originally posted in the "Off-Topic" forum but I moved it to the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that she and her family are visiting her husband's family in a country that is much less developed than the United States. They are staying with her husband's family in a house in which taking a warm shower requires mixing boiling hot water with cold water and using a bucket. There is no air conditioning or heat and stores that have the items they would like to purchase are a three-hour drive away. The original poster and her kids are miserable but her husband is not understanding of the challenges they are facing. The original poster is very upset with him and using this thread to vent. This thread has already reached 21 pages. There are posters who are not sympathetic to the original poster and generally criticized her attitude and provided advice regarding what they believe are easy things that she can do to adjust. Other posters are more supportive of her and critical of her husband. The original poster has previously posted other threads about her husband and travels to his native country which results in the original poster being recognized by others who linked to her earlier threads. There are a number of disputes about whether or not the original poster is a troll, with one poster even starting a thread asking this in the "Website Feedback" forum. As I said in that thread, the poster is posting from Bangladesh, the country to which posters identified her as referring.

🚩However, this morning I noticed that the original poster has done quite a bit of sock puppeting, mostly offering what appears to be third-person defenses of herself. The thread is full of repeated patterns in which the original poster complained about something, posters offered advice for improving whatever that is, the original poster then explains why the advice won't work, other posters criticize her, the original poster sock puppets a supportive message, and then the original poster again explains why the advice won't work.

The thread is also full of Indians, people related to Indians, or people who have been to India who believe that they have all the answers for the original poster. But, as with all other advice, the original poster is not receptive and is convinced that what applies to India is irrelevent to Bangladesh. Some posters engage with this thread as if it is some sort of mystery that they most solve. The city in which she is visiting was identified and posters provided the average daily temperatures, population statistics, and other information that they think shows the original poster is misstating the reality of conditions.

🚩Given the frequency with which the original poster has been posting — over 60 posts in 24 hours — it is clear that while the home in which she is staying may not have running warm water, heat, or a modern kitchen, it has a good Internet connection."


Come on, OP.
It's never good to sockpuppet your own posts -- especially when you're looking for support from us. 😕

DCUM Troll, one of their many OPs every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

You hired cooks in the US on a modest salary? How did you manage that?

If you live in places in the US that have a sizable Indian population you can either get aunties to come and cook in your home or pick up ready-made meals, often a few days or a week’s worth of food. The prices are very reasonable.

Uhh isn’t this illegal?

[Anonymous]

To be fair to Jeff (not a sock puppeter!!) I lived in India in a very posh neighborhood (my pharmaceutical company paid for the guest house) and I had no hot water.

Guess what? It's because I didn't know how to operate the hot water. For 3 fing months!!! I learned on my return visit and then almost burned down my friends apartment- no joke! Water + fire not a fun combo.

We always had pretty awesome internet in India.

They also don't have heat because it doesn't actually get cold there, but our rooms did have AC. I know plenty of Indians that don't feel they need heat or AC.

For kitchen - she just doesn't understand that Indian cooking doesn't require ovens. So you have a basic cook top. It's not that it isn't modern it just isn't WESTERN which is a totally different thing.

Finally, access to western food was limited when I was in India, but it's much more common now. I'm sure Bangladesh doesn't have much, that said, obviously you can get Indian-flaored pizza. That's what we we do plus McDonalds lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair to Jeff (not a sock puppeter!!) I lived in India in a very posh neighborhood (my pharmaceutical company paid for the guest house) and I had no hot water.

Guess what? It's because I didn't know how to operate the hot water. For 3 fing months!!! I learned on my return visit and then almost burned down my friends apartment- no joke! Water + fire not a fun combo.

We always had pretty awesome internet in India.

They also don't have heat because it doesn't actually get cold there, but our rooms did have AC. I know plenty of Indians that don't feel they need heat or AC.

For kitchen - she just doesn't understand that Indian cooking doesn't require ovens. So you have a basic cook top. It's not that it isn't modern it just isn't WESTERN which is a totally different thing.

Finally, access to western food was limited when I was in India, but it's much more common now. I'm sure Bangladesh doesn't have much, that said, obviously you can get Indian-flaored pizza. That's what we we do plus McDonalds lol.

One correction - it wasn't cold in most of India. Obviously Darjeeling, Ladahk and the like were crazy cols.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

You hired cooks in the US on a modest salary? How did you manage that?

There are Indian people who will come to your house and cook food for you for a reasonable amount of money. You can also order and pick up food by weight from many home cooks at very reasonable price. It is an informal market system. Ask around. This is not advertised. The menu options are very limited and mainly vegetarian food.

You could be picking up daal, roti, vegetable entree etc. Food is made with less oil, less spices and made fresh every day. You need to pre-order and agree to a pick up time. Over the years, you actually form a social relationship with them.

We used to hire a person who worked in a restaurant for several hours on the weekend who would cook food in bulk. Some of the food can be frozen also. We used to split the food, material and labor cost with 4 other families. This was during the time when our salary was quite modest.

Now, this same person comes to our house once a month instead of every week. She cooks food for dinner parties of 20-30 people at a time, and there is enough food left over for me to share with some other families. Also, we do have leftovers for our guests to take home.

Currently cost of cooks and helpers is running from $25 -$45/hour. These include cooks, servers and bartenders. They help out in home parties. Minimum of 4-6 hours each. Ask around. These are not advertised.

Another source of home cooked, vegetarian food is your local Hindu temple and they will cater for religious events. There are also local Indian restaurant/caterer who specialize in vegetarian food. They sell by tray size or weight.

Finally, for ordering smaller quantities (for a family of 5 for example) on a day to day basis, you can try out SHEF.COM.

There are other informal ways to get a home cooked meal on the table, including sharing entrees with friends.