Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Since when are they not asked? I was asked for each of my adoptions and everyone living in the house had to undergo a criminal background check.

Please. An au pair goes through a more thorough background check.

No, they do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

We had to get a background check and our doctors had to fill out forms stating we were fit to adopt. It was part of the home study. I think that’s pretty common.

Was your adoption through an agency or private?

Curious about how physicians can attest to a patient's fitness for adoption. Was it solely your physical condition or did it include a psychological eval? Did you have to consent to a full-fledged disclosure or was in limited in scope? For example, did the form say "Are you aware of any physical condition that would preclude Larla from being a parent?" I think it's important for potential adopters to know this requirement going in, if it is common.

Why are you arguing with people who know what they are talking about when you do not. A medical exam, background checks and home visits are standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

We had to get a background check and our doctors had to fill out forms stating we were fit to adopt. It was part of the home study. I think that’s pretty common.

Was your adoption through an agency or private?

Curious about how physicians can attest to a patient's fitness for adoption. Was it solely your physical condition or did it include a psychological eval? Did you have to consent to a full-fledged disclosure or was in limited in scope? For example, did the form say "Are you aware of any physical condition that would preclude Larla from being a parent?" I think it's important for potential adopters to know this requirement going in, if it is common.

The home study is the same for private, foster and international. You are obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

We had to get a background check and our doctors had to fill out forms stating we were fit to adopt. It was part of the home study. I think that’s pretty common.

Was your adoption through an agency or private?

Curious about how physicians can attest to a patient's fitness for adoption. Was it solely your physical condition or did it include a psychological eval? Did you have to consent to a full-fledged disclosure or was in limited in scope? For example, did the form say "Are you aware of any physical condition that would preclude Larla from being a parent?" I think it's important for potential adopters to know this requirement going in, if it is common.

All adoptions go through a home study, whether private or not. Adoption falls under state laws, so the requirements may differ from state to state. As well, different agencies may have their own forms for your doctor to complete. All potential adopters do know this requirement, because it is part of the home study. As someone who wants to adopt, it would be your responsibility to make sure you can complete the forms and provide the documentation required by the home study. The doctors can attest to your physical fitness, whether, to their knowledge, you've had an addiction or other mental problem that would preclude you from being fit to parent (you may also need to have a urine drug test). The social worker also completes some sort of psychological assessment. There is also a criminal background check. Is it perfect? No, it is not. But the pp seems to think that no questions were asked prior to the adoption s/he mentions, which is simply not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Thanks for confirming for us all what you are -- trash.

Another example of how articulate you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Since when are they not asked? I was asked for each of my adoptions and everyone living in the house had to undergo a criminal background check.

Teachers, day care providers, substitutes all require back ground checks. Sometimes - also store employees, and well within the world of work. That's not very telling, is it? No one has a criminal record until they commit crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

We had to get a background check and our doctors had to fill out forms stating we were fit to adopt. It was part of the home study. I think that’s pretty common.

Was your adoption through an agency or private?

Curious about how physicians can attest to a patient's fitness for adoption. Was it solely your physical condition or did it include a psychological eval? Did you have to consent to a full-fledged disclosure or was in limited in scope? For example, did the form say "Are you aware of any physical condition that would preclude Larla from being a parent?" I think it's important for potential adopters to know this requirement going in, if it is common.

All adoptions go through a home study, whether private or not. Adoption falls under state laws, so the requirements may differ from state to state. As well, different agencies may have their own forms for your doctor to complete. All potential adopters do know this requirement, because it is part of the home study. As someone who wants to adopt, it would be your responsibility to make sure you can complete the forms and provide the documentation required by the home study. The doctors can attest to your physical fitness, whether, to their knowledge, you've had an addiction or other mental problem that would preclude you from being fit to parent (you may also need to have a urine drug test). The social worker also completes some sort of psychological assessment. There is also a criminal background check. Is it perfect? No, it is not. But the pp seems to think that no questions were asked prior to the adoption s/he mentions, which is simply not true.

So,in private adoptions, there's quite a lot of leeway in all this. Sometimes almost nothing is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Wow, just wow.

Seriously....are you 15? Put the phone down, sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

Serious question. Why aren't birth parents licensed before they are allowed to procreate? It leads to too many unfit-to-parent scenarios.

[Anonymous]

I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

You sound pretty awesome. Congrats to you and your kid your family. <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Why aren't birth parents licensed before they are allowed to procreate? It leads to too many unfit-to-parent scenarios.

When I hear horror stories about abuse, I tend to agree with you ... but abuse happens in wealthy adoptive families too. Abuse is separate from this. It happens everywhere unfortunately.

Children are best kept with their kin and if that is impossible, then adoption to people who are not just "educated" as in graduated something, but educated in how it works if your own parent could not keep you. Like, maybe you should not pretend like it is all the same because LOVE. It is not all the same. Might work out might be for the best, but not the same not equal, not like you should not look at what was lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Why aren't birth parents licensed before they are allowed to procreate? It leads to too many unfit-to-parent scenarios.

When I hear horror stories about abuse, I tend to agree with you ... but abuse happens in wealthy adoptive families too. Abuse is separate from this. It happens everywhere unfortunately.

Children are best kept with their kin and if that is impossible, then adoption to people who are not just "educated" as in graduated something, but educated in how it works if your own parent could not keep you. Like, maybe you should not pretend like it is all the same because LOVE. It is not all the same. Might work out might be for the best, but not the same not equal, not like you should not look at what was lost.

A parenaopcan love their child equally. Your comments are outlandish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Why aren't birth parents licensed before they are allowed to procreate? It leads to too many unfit-to-parent scenarios.

When I hear horror stories about abuse, I tend to agree with you ... but abuse happens in wealthy adoptive families too. Abuse is separate from this. It happens everywhere unfortunately.

Children are best kept with their kin and if that is impossible, then adoption to people who are not just "educated" as in graduated something, but educated in how it works if your own parent could not keep you. Like, maybe you should not pretend like it is all the same because LOVE. It is not all the same. Might work out might be for the best, but not the same not equal, not like you should not look at what was lost.

Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

Kudos to you. You are an example of what adoption should be about - finding a home for a child in NEED no matter their age. Not finding a baby for people who WANT one.