Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Why aren't birth parents licensed before they are allowed to procreate? It leads to too many unfit-to-parent scenarios.

Because men do the f###ing

[Anonymous]

Children born to their bio parents are taken out of the hospital and taken to god knows where without ever being checked for appropriate-ness to parenting. No criminal background check, no health screening, no financial check, no educational check, no safety check from the fire dept., no mental health check from a social worker, no recommendations from friends and family who agree to be interviewed.

We do all this for adopted kids, and to an extent for dogs. We do NOTHING for bio kids going to bio parents. God help them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

Kudos to you. You are an example of what adoption should be about - finding a home for a child in NEED no matter their age. Not finding a baby for people who WANT one.

It is not bad to want a baby. It is, in fact, very normal ;especially if you understand the importance of the first year of life.

It still makes me sad that there was any part of my child’s life I did not share. That is not selfish, it is love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

Kudos to you. You are an example of what adoption should be about - finding a home for a child in NEED no matter their age. Not finding a baby for people who WANT one.

It is not bad to want a baby. It is, in fact, very normal ;especially if you understand the importance of the first year of life.

It still makes me sad that there was any part of my child’s life I did not share. That is not selfish, it is love.

The selfish aspect is the priority of adoptive parents over birth parents. We need to shift away from the savior construction and more into the welfare of families who want to be families.

[Anonymous]

I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.

Is this a common issue? Or is it your perception, your point of view as someone who would like to adopt more kids? I'd like to see how you can show that it's a common issue.

From my perspective, prioritizing the birth family IS prioritizing the child, because I believe the child is better off with his family (absent issues of abuse or neglect), and families should be supported in efforts to keep their wanted children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.


Is this a common issue? Or is it your perception, your point of view as someone who would like to adopt more kids? I'd like to see how you can show that it's a common issue.

From my perspective, prioritizing the birth family IS prioritizing the child, because I believe the child is better off with his family (absent issues of abuse or neglect), and families should be supported in efforts to keep their wanted children.

Out of curiosity---do you think there should be limits to society (i.e., taxpayers) "prioritizing birth families"? How many unplanned pregnancies should society pick up the tab for? 2, 3, 7?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.


Is this a common issue? Or is it your perception, your point of view as someone who would like to adopt more kids? I'd like to see how you can show that it's a common issue.

From my perspective, prioritizing the birth family IS prioritizing the child, because I believe the child is better off with his family (absent issues of abuse or neglect), and families should be supported in efforts to keep their wanted children.

Out of curiosity---do you think there should be limits to society (i.e., taxpayers) "prioritizing birth families"? How many unplanned pregnancies should society pick up the tab for? 2, 3, 7?

I don't even know where to start with this question. I don't agree with your assumptions.

You are saying: "Society will end up paying for the children resulting from unplanned pregnancies, whose mothers decide to raise them." You are assuming all mothers with unplanned pregnancies are on government assistance, or will be, and that's not true.

Underneath that, you're saying: "Poor people don't deserve to keep their own children, because it costs society, and I would like to control who gets to have those children." This is an immoral stance, in my view. Keep going down that path, you've dehumanized other humans because you believe you are superior.

This is the consequence of the division of people into "we/they," where "WE" are good and deserving of children, and "THEY" are poor, possible leeches on society who should give those kids up to us.

[Anonymous]

Agree birth families need to be looked at more carefully, and children released for adoption more quickly from foster care. No need for welfare -- there are adoptive families galore waiting for children. It needs to be done when the children are very young before the the bio family f*cks them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree birth families need to be looked at more carefully, and children released for adoption more quickly from foster care. No need for welfare -- there are adoptive families galore waiting for children. It needs to be done when the children are very young before the the bio family f*cks them up.

Tell me about why you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree birth families need to be looked at more carefully, and children released for adoption more quickly from foster care. No need for welfare -- there are adoptive families galore waiting for children. It needs to be done when the children are very young before the the bio family f*cks them up.

Every child who is given for adoption experiences a primal wound from being separated from her mother. Then she endures the losses (a list of losses) of being an adopted child. Then she might endure of the trauma of being placed with an unempathetic, inexperienced, stupid and bigoted person such as yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Thanks for confirming for us all what you are -- trash.

The PP waa only trying to say that you are as dumb as a rock. I don't mind saying it outright.

I’m not the person quoted, but good try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Thanks for confirming for us all what you are -- trash.

The PP waa only trying to say that you are as dumb as a rock. I don't mind saying it outright.

I’m not the person quoted, but good try.

You are so immature, I began to wonder, are we actually conversing with a child? Are you under 18?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.

Is this a common issue? Or is it your perception, your point of view as someone who would like to adopt more kids? I'd like to see how you can show that it's a common issue.

From my perspective, prioritizing the birth family IS prioritizing the child, because I believe the child is better off with his family (absent issues of abuse or neglect), and families should be supported in efforts to keep their wanted children.

And, that's what foster care does. But that is foster care, not adoption. Not every birthmom wants to or is in a position to parent. You don't seem to get that. Sometimes its not as simple as supporting. And, what exactly are you doing to support or do you just complain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.

Is this a common issue? Or is it your perception, your point of view as someone who would like to adopt more kids? I'd like to see how you can show that it's a common issue.

From my perspective, prioritizing the birth family IS prioritizing the child, because I believe the child is better off with his family (absent issues of abuse or neglect), and families should be supported in efforts to keep their wanted children.

And, that's what foster care does. But that is foster care, not adoption. Not every birthmom wants to or is in a position to parent. You don't seem to get that. Sometimes its not as simple as supporting. And, what exactly are you doing to support or do you just complain?

Adoption is usually a permanent solution to what is often a temporary problem. I think many birth mothers say they aren't in a position to parent because of their current situation. I would like to see statistics as to how many birth mothers still feel that way 10 or 20 years later, when their life situation may be vastly different (and often better) than it was when they first chose adoption.