Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is the best answer for half the kids in this country. Welfare is not necessary. I keep my money; the anti-adoption troll who keeps responding to herself on this and so many other threads (it's so obvious) can give all hers away to women who expect their breeding to be supported by others.

there is one poster who is clearly identifiable who seems to have some trauma or mental illness of some kind. I’m sympathetic to her belief that biological parents should never be coerced into termination of parental rights; however, most of her statements are harmful stereotypes or outdated generalizations.

There are many many posters here discussing the detrmental issues of adoption. There is only one actual troll, likely you, who seems to call everyone out as anti-adoption with terms like mental illness, etc. You are what's known as a sock puppet. Not buying it- no one else is either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype.

In my DH's adoption situation, his birth mother already had kids with multiple uninvolved men. She struggled with drug addiction. Her family highly encouraged her to put her next child up for adoption. (My DH) She then went on to have additional children with the same man in a more stable stint, but that eventually fell apart as well as she still struggles with drugs.

My DH eventually was found by his siblings as an adult and has had some frank conversations with them about the way they grew up. They consider him the lucky one, and he agrees. They do have a close sibling bond through supporting each other through trauma and I think initially they expected to fold him into that. DH was raised as an only and doesn't have that, but he feels like his childhood was happy and full. He feels very close to his parents who raised him. He's glad to have met his siblings and is fine with a cordial relationship with them.

Adoption is complex and every situation is different. I do think my husband's adoption story drives him to be the phenomenal father that he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is the best answer for half the kids in this country. Welfare is not necessary. I keep my money; the anti-adoption troll who keeps responding to herself on this and so many other threads (it's so obvious) can give all hers away to women who expect their breeding to be supported by others.

there is one poster who is clearly identifiable who seems to have some trauma or mental illness of some kind. I’m sympathetic to her belief that biological parents should never be coerced into termination of parental rights; however, most of her statements are harmful stereotypes or outdated generalizations.

There are many many posters here discussing the detrmental issues of adoption. There is only one actual troll, likely you, who seems to call everyone out as anti-adoption with terms like mental illness, etc. You are what's known as a sock puppet. Not buying it- no one else is either.

Whoa, speak for yourself, only! It's really troubling to see every adoption thread here being over run with trolls and/or people with deep seated, obviously unresolved emotional issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype.

In my DH's adoption situation, his birth mother already had kids with multiple uninvolved men. She struggled with drug addiction. Her family highly encouraged her to put her next child up for adoption. (My DH) She then went on to have additional children with the same man in a more stable stint, but that eventually fell apart as well as she still struggles with drugs.

My DH eventually was found by his siblings as an adult and has had some frank conversations with them about the way they grew up. They consider him the lucky one, and he agrees. They do have a close sibling bond through supporting each other through trauma and I think initially they expected to fold him into that. DH was raised as an only and doesn't have that, but he feels like his childhood was happy and full. He feels very close to his parents who raised him. He's glad to have met his siblings and is fine with a cordial relationship with them.

Adoption is complex and every situation is different. I do think my husband's adoption story drives him to be the phenomenal father that he is.

Your DH info is exactly why this is complex. I'd say "don't throw the baby out with the bath water" but somehow that's the wrong metaphor here...lol.

But here's the thing. I am adopted, close with my family, happy and probably lucky, like your DH. However, that doesn't negate the larger systemic issues with the adoption industry, so I'm happy to address that when discussing adoption. I am, and your husband, aren't the examples of why we all need to reexamine adoption and start looking at it as not a supplier of babies to wealthier families, but a reason to start looking into the support and rights of women, the help they need, the help they need to keep their children if they want to, keeping the adoption industry out of these choices, and the mother's choice if she wants to terminate a pregnancy. It's a bigger issue that our personal situation.
This reminds me of the BLM movement. The problems are generational, rooted in systemic issues, racial and elitist, legal, etc. But then someone says.."What about the protests, shootings or drugs in ....( insert city or situation) ..We need to understand the layers that brought us here.

There's just a poor understanding of these societal issues. They aren't binary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is the best answer for half the kids in this country. Welfare is not necessary. I keep my money; the anti-adoption troll who keeps responding to herself on this and so many other threads (it's so obvious) can give all hers away to women who expect their breeding to be supported by others.

there is one poster who is clearly identifiable who seems to have some trauma or mental illness of some kind. I’m sympathetic to her belief that biological parents should never be coerced into termination of parental rights; however, most of her statements are harmful stereotypes or outdated generalizations.

There are many many posters here discussing the detrmental issues of adoption. There is only one actual troll, likely you, who seems to call everyone out as anti-adoption with terms like mental illness, etc. You are what's known as a sock puppet. Not buying it- no one else is either.

That’s not the case and you can ask Jeff to verify if you don’t believe it. Hope that you are able to get the help that you need to find some peace with your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is the best answer for half the kids in this country. Welfare is not necessary. I keep my money; the anti-adoption troll who keeps responding to herself on this and so many other threads (it's so obvious) can give all hers away to women who expect their breeding to be supported by others.

there is one poster who is clearly identifiable who seems to have some trauma or mental illness of some kind. I’m sympathetic to her belief that biological parents should never be coerced into termination of parental rights; however, most of her statements are harmful stereotypes or outdated generalizations.

There are many many posters here discussing the detrmental issues of adoption. There is only one actual troll, likely you, who seems to call everyone out as anti-adoption with terms like mental illness, etc. You are what's known as a sock puppet. Not buying it- no one else is either.

That’s not the case and you can ask Jeff to verify if you don’t believe it. Hope that you are able to get the help that you need to find some peace with your situation.

You are kind of one-note, aren't you? Everyone needs to get help, apparently.
And, yes, we see you clearly.

[Anonymous]

Projecting your issues onto others is what I see here. Please stop and consider what you can do to help you understand why you are so hurting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Projecting your issues onto others is what I see here. Please stop and consider what you can do to help you understand why you are so hurting.

Let's see how long we can keep you going. I mean, it's literally been weeks. Keep it up. Looking forward to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Projecting your issues onto others is what I see here. Please stop and consider what you can do to help you understand why you are so hurting.

Let's see how long we can keep you going. I mean, it's literally been weeks. Keep it up. Looking forward to this.

I drop in and out of this discussion, but every time I look SHE'S STILL HERE

[Anonymous]

TROLL is on every thread that mentions adoption. We follow these threads as an "adoption family" -- my DH is adopted and our 3 kids are too -- and we shake our heads at the mentally ill poster.

[Anonymous]

Like anything involving humans, adoption isn't perfect. Often it's beautiful. Sometimes it's the best solution at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We adopted DD from foster care. The reason DD was in foster care was that her biological mother simply didn't feed her daughter enough and left her child on its own for many hours at a time. It saddens me to think of a baby frequently left hungry and alone. To give you an idea, DD weighed the same amount at 4 months than she did at birth. Money wasn't the issue. This was a middle class family. A doctor and her/his staff seized DD from the biological mother at the four month check up. What pushed the decision was the biological mother's lack of concern for her own daughter. The biological mother was charged with cruelty. DD then spent 10 days in hospital after her seizure, where she was helped to overcome Failure to Thrive. Even after all that had happened the biological mother was given the opportunity to resume being a fulltime mother. But she had no interest as evidenced by missed appointments and lack of engagement in a children and family services program. PP has to understand that not every biological mother wants to mother their child or is good enough at it that the child isn't in danger. It is sad but true. (DD is now a happy and healthy 3rd grader). No money changed hands and the biological mother wasn't coerced. The biological father didn't step in, but had the option. Adoption was the best outcome for this child.

I am a completely new poster on this thread. Your comment makes my blood curdle. What you are describing is PPD. Was this women offered treatment before you STOLE her baby from her and concluded that she just wasn't good enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like anything involving humans, adoption isn't perfect. Often it's beautiful. Sometimes it's the best solution at hand.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We adopted DD from foster care. The reason DD was in foster care was that her biological mother simply didn't feed her daughter enough and left her child on its own for many hours at a time. It saddens me to think of a baby frequently left hungry and alone. To give you an idea, DD weighed the same amount at 4 months than she did at birth. Money wasn't the issue. This was a middle class family. A doctor and her/his staff seized DD from the biological mother at the four month check up. What pushed the decision was the biological mother's lack of concern for her own daughter. The biological mother was charged with cruelty. DD then spent 10 days in hospital after her seizure, where she was helped to overcome Failure to Thrive. Even after all that had happened the biological mother was given the opportunity to resume being a fulltime mother. But she had no interest as evidenced by missed appointments and lack of engagement in a children and family services program. PP has to understand that not every biological mother wants to mother their child or is good enough at it that the child isn't in danger. It is sad but true. (DD is now a happy and healthy 3rd grader). No money changed hands and the biological mother wasn't coerced. The biological father didn't step in, but had the option. Adoption was the best outcome for this child.

I am a completely new poster on this thread. Your comment makes my blood curdle. What you are describing is PPD. Was this women offered treatment before you STOLE her baby from her and concluded that she just wasn't good enough?

You are seriously off. This child was in foster care so the parents were offered help in terms of services and reunification prior to this child being placed for adoption. Usually it takes a year or two to even change the goal to adoption and then another 9-12 months for an adoption to happen with many court hearings in-between. And, if the foster care workers did their job right, they searched for relatives.

This is not PPD. Its neglect. And, even if you want to call it PPD, go for it but the biological mother was given time and help and refused it.

[Anonymous]

Stop feeding htis anti-adoption troll. She keeps responding to herself.

--Mom of 2 kids, both adopted privately