Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Wow, just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Thanks for confirming for us all what you are -- trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of amazed. In public, people will say things like,

"Giving up a child for adoption is a gift! So selfless!"

But it turns out that they really think:

"Poor and stressed mothers OUGHT to give up their children for adoption, or else they are selfish. And they should relinquish them on my timetable, too, because I wanted a baby YESTERDAY."

My child's birth mom is dead. You are really obnoxious.

Are you just not able to see the larger picture in this topic or are you a narcissist with a low IQ that generalizes everything to your experience? Secondly- you've been entrusted with a kid (!) considering your limited world view and lack of empathy-that alone clarifies some of the concerns here. You'd best bolster your arguments by probably just not commenting. You aren't doing the adoptive community any favors.

I am being very serious that my child's birth mom is dead. Sorry you have no empathy and would rather push your agenda. This rant shows you have zero empathy.

So, an adopted child might have an agenda, and is pushing this agenda? And who is the adopted child supposed to have empathy for? The adoptive parent? You? Do you even hear yourself?


See, you just cannot see outside of your own situation. Your child's birth mother is dead. So what? How on earth does that change any narrative here? It's clear that you have basic and quite severe comprehension issues. You have no relevant points with with to debate, you continually repeat that "everyone needs help and therapy"- and you parrot everyone's comment back to whomever is writing. It's almost like a child's taunt "Whatever you saayyy goes baack to yoou....." over and over, all the while not realizing that your stance is the EXACT reason there's many complex issues in the adoption arena. I mean, quite apart from the debate- you are really just too limited, for lack of stronger word, (even though we all know there is a better word), to be in this discussion. You aren't adding anything here other than proving a lot of points, unfortunately. You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope.

Thanks for confirming for us all what you are -- trash.

The PP waa only trying to say that you are as dumb as a rock. I don't mind saying it outright.

[Anonymous]

I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Selfishness is EXACTLY what it is. My child sat as a ward of the state for years more than was necessary because neither

birth parent or extended family was willing to relinquish custody and release the child for adoption. Nor did they ever visit or provide support. Women who cannot face the reality that they are unable to meet their child's basic needs and seek a better life for that child are the definition of selfish. There is an interim societal position between the evils of past coercive practices and the emphasis on biological family preservation that exists now.

There are plenty of toxic foster situations as well- and adoptions where the child's needs were never meant. So, this is probably not a good argument. How about resources to help families, period?

Precisely. So many of these adoptees feel entitled to other peoples children because they have more money and more stability. Cue Georgia Tan. No. Preying upon vulnerable people and beating them down psychologically so that you can take their babies from them is not benevolent to anyone, including the baby who is forever severed from his kin.

As a PP said, abuse and neglect are totally separate issues. I could link bomb this whole thread with news stories about abusive adopters. I am still so haunted every day about the white couple who considered themselves saviors of their black adoptive children (who had loving, stable kin who wanted to adopt but were denied) who murdered all of the children in a suicide off the cliff. Those women were SO convinced that what they were doing was so benevolent and selfless.

Some adopters here are attacking those of us who are showing OP the coercive and immoral aspects of the adoption industry because they cannot for a minute allow themselves to face the truth that they might have actually stolen someone else’s baby. Someone who desperately wanted her baby. They can’t even handle the term “first mother.” They have to see the woman as a temporary uterus; only they are allowed to be called “mother”. It’s truly Handmaid’s Tale stuff.

Your comments have nothing to do with adoption. There are also women who choose to place their children and have zero interest in parenting.

What are you talking about? Those comments have everything to do with adoption. An infinitesimal number of women in this country carry pregnancies to term “with no interest in parenting.” Most women in that situation will terminate this pregnancies. The fact that many anti-abortion people reference adoption as an alternative to abortion just shows thei complete lack of understanding of the connection between a mother and a born infant, and also shows their callous disregard for the life and health of women who are then forced to be pregnant in order to provide someone else with a baby. And even if a woman truly does not wish to parent, she is and always will he her child’s first mother. Even your term of “place” is so callous, like she’s an unfeeling person setting a table. “Relinquished” or “surrendered” are used more often by those of in who acknowledge the emotional costs of relinquishment.

Abortions cost money. Not everyone has easy access to abortions. You clearly don't understand all the aspects to this kind of thing. Your posts are really offensive.

Abortions are infinitely more affordable than all the costs related to carrying a baby to term even in the context of adoption where healthcare costs are paid.

My brother is adopted. There are so so so many aspects of it that were deeply traumatic for both him and his birth mother (he since found her). I’m glad people are speaking openly about this stuff. Adoption is not a substitute for fertility and while there will always be some children who need to be adopted, the primary focus, for everyone, should be making that as rare as possible.

Abortions cost money. If you are just trying to survive, you don't have that kind of money. If you carry the pregnancy, you can get medicaid to pay for the medical expense as well as wic. You can also get social service supports and plenty of organizations to help.

That's unfortunate your brother's experience was traumatic. Its too bad you didn't try to help him more.

Wow. Eff you. My brother and I are incredibly close but you can’t erase trauma with love and support. Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Since when are they not asked? I was asked for each of my adoptions and everyone living in the house had to undergo a criminal background check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Since when are they not asked? I was asked for each of my adoptions and everyone living in the house had to undergo a criminal background check.

Please. An au pair goes through a more thorough background check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Since when are they not asked? I was asked for each of my adoptions and everyone living in the house had to undergo a criminal background check.

Please. An au pair goes through a more thorough background check.

Admittedly I have no clue about the background check for an au pair and maybe things have changed, but the background d check I went through was very thorough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

We had to get a background check and our doctors had to fill out forms stating we were fit to adopt. It was part of the home study. I think that’s pretty common.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PPs and a single mom by choice. My home- study was extremely thorough including fingerprints, background checks, financial checks, and the fire department came to my house (in their truck!) to inspect everything. If only every expected child had their family this thoroughly investigated, It seems we only protect adopted children, not bio children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think adoption is much too serious an issue to let a troll derail the discussion so I will choose to ignore their incidiary posts. Back to topic.

Per PP, this issue stood out for me:

"...You needed a lot more counseling before you were allowed to adopt. I suggest the sooner the better before your kid is older. You will need it. There's going to be some surprises in your future and you have not one tool with which to cope."

Counseling and screening of adoptive parents is virtually non-existent especially when their checkbook tips the balance scale.

In our family's adoption situation both adoptive parents have serious mental health issues (which can impact a child's development) yet they were not adequately screened as part of the adoption process. They are able to put on a very convincing public face for a short period of time.

I think they looked very good superficially with their UMC existence and professions yet the rest of us all know the incredible dysfunction, violence, criminality and addiction that is in both their backgrounds.

IMO if the birth family had any knowledge of the parents' background they never would have agreed to the adoption.

That is frightening and another example of lack of accountability in the adoption world.

I was stunned that such basic background questions like, "Is/was there addiction in your immediate family? Is/was there domestic violence in your immediate family? Do any of your immediate family have a criminal record? Is there a history of mental illness in your family?"

How in the world can an adoption take place without asking these basic questions? But it did.

Even if questions are asked, there is huge incentive to lie or minimize.

We had to get a background check and our doctors had to fill out forms stating we were fit to adopt. It was part of the home study. I think that’s pretty common.

Was your adoption through an agency or private?

Curious about how physicians can attest to a patient's fitness for adoption. Was it solely your physical condition or did it include a psychological eval? Did you have to consent to a full-fledged disclosure or was in limited in scope? For example, did the form say "Are you aware of any physical condition that would preclude Larla from being a parent?" I think it's important for potential adopters to know this requirement going in, if it is common.