Tell me about adoption
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Anonymous
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International adoptions are more often closed while domestic adoptions are more often open.
https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/closed-adoption Potential Pros of a Closed Adoption • Emotional closure: For some prospective birth parents, an open adoption might be too painful to pursue; they may feel that a closed adoption will provide a better sense of closure for them as they process their feelings of grief and move forward in their lives. (On the other hand, it should be noted that most birth parents actually find the opposite to be true — seeing their child growing up happy, healthy and loved in an open adoption can provide this sense of closure, reaffirming that they made the right decision for their child. It all depends on the birth parent’s personal perspective!) • Safety: If the prospective birth parent is considering a closed adoption because of a toxic or abusive environment, it might be in everyone’s best interest to have less contact. • Privacy: For any number of reasons, a prospective birth parent may choose to keep their pregnancy and adoption plan secret from certain people in their lives. A closed adoption may make it easier for them to keep this secret long-term (though prospective birth parents are advised to confide in their loved ones about their adoption whenever possible). • Less effort from the adoptive family: Like any relationship, maintaining a bond with your child’s birth parent(s) requires effort, patience, clear communication, healthy boundaries and more. When you don’t have a relationship with your child’s birth family, you obviously won’t need to remember to stick to a contact schedule or put in the effort to work through any complications that arise. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean closed adoption is easier — in fact, there are a number of challenges that can arise from a lack of a relationship, which we’ll outline below. As you can see, the advantages of closed adoption are few — and most of them apply only in specific situations. However, if a prospective birth parent truly feels that a closed adoption will be best in their situation, it is their right to make that decision, and the adoptive family should respect those wishes. Cons of a Closed Adoption While a closed adoption might seem like a good idea at first, there are generally more drawbacks than benefits of this type of adoption: • Identity challenges: This type of adoption may make children more likely to struggle with their self-esteem and identity as they grow up. Adoptees will have questions about their biological parents and personal history throughout their lives, but they won’t have anyone to answer them. These unanswered questions can lead to many emotional challenges, such as feelings of rejection or abandonment, a sense that they were “unwanted” or unloved by their birth parents, and more. • Emotional challenges for birth parents: Similarly, a lack of information about their children can leave birth parents with lifelong questions and can lead to feelings of guilt, shame and depression. Birth parents in closed adoptions often struggle to fully grieve their loss and move forward in healthy ways. In an open adoption, on the other hand, some of these feelings can be relieved when birth parents receive updates showing them that their children are growing up happy, healthy and loved. Birth parents in closed adoptions often do not receive the reassurance they need to feel good about their adoption decision. • Lack of medical history: Even in closed adoptions, adoptive parents will be provided medical background information about their child and his or her birth family — but this information is often limited to what is available at the time of the adoption. Without ongoing contact, adoptive parents have no way of knowing if and when new medical concerns arise in the birth family. If a serious hereditary condition is discovered in a biological family member, adoptive parents could be missing out on potentially life-saving information for their child. • Challenges answering questions: When adopted children have lingering questions about their personal history, it doesn’t just affect them — it can affect their parents, too. Adoptive parents often have a hard time watching their children struggle with the identity issues that are common in closed adoptions. Not being able to provide their child with the information and reassurance they need can be heartbreaking and may even strain the parent-child relationship. • Difficulties establishing contact: Over time, it is not uncommon for birth and/or adoptive parents to wish to open up their relationship. However, when the initial arrangement was a closed adoption, it can be difficult to make this happen. Similarly, many adult adoptees in closed adoptions eventually choose to conduct a search for their birth parents on their own, which can be an extremely logistically and emotionally challenging process. • Missed opportunities: If you do not have a relationship with your child’s birth family, you won’t have the opportunity to get to know the people who made the selfless decision to give you the greatest gift of your life — your child! Many birth and adoptive families end up creating a unique, lifelong bond stronger than they would have ever imagined; the opportunity to form this relationship is lost in a closed adoption. • Challenges of keeping adoption closed: Finally, closed adoptions are simply becoming increasingly difficult to maintain. In today’s world, social media and at-home DNA tests are making it relatively easy to quickly discover the identities of biological relatives and reconnect with them — whether or not they wish to be found. |
Anonymous
C.A.S.E. was recently awarded a grant from the Maryland Department of Human Services, Center for Adoption Support and Education (C.A.S.E.™) is pleased to offer FREE individual and family psychotherapy, support groups and live and pre-recorded webinars to post-adoptive families throughout Maryland. Families formed through adoption and foster care face unique challenges – it’s not always easy to tell if an issue that a child or family is experiencing may or may not be related to adoption. Accessing adoption competent support and preservation services after adoption can assist you and your family with a wide range of issues. C.A.S.E.’s highly skilled therapists are TAC™ trained (Training in Adoption Competency), the only evidence based accredited program in the country. They are also certified in delivering telehealth services. This expertise equips them with special knowledge and experience in treating children and families with a history of trauma, including abuse and neglect. Eligibility • Maryland families who have adopted publicly, privately or internationally. • Any post-finalization family whose child is 18 and under. • Any new post-adopt families to C.A.S.E. • Services are available on a first-come, first-served basis. Benefits for Families • Services are easily accessible, flexible and tailored to meet the families’ needs. • Supporting families in navigating the adoption transition process. • Working with adoptive children in resolving loss and grief. • Equipping adoptive parents with the skills needed to manage their child’s trauma-related behaviors. |
Anonymous
Its very possible a distant relative used it. You never know. |
Anonymous
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This is one of the worst places to seek advice on adoption as the threads always attract people who are anti-adoption. As an adoptee and adoptive parent, I just want to say that:
- not all birth parents want to maintain contact long term. Our social worker told us that often birth parents will request some meetings/communication then fade away within a few years; this was our experience after my child turned two. - Adoption agencies have information meetings that will answer your questions, and the screening/training process for agencies like adoptions together will thoroughly prepare you to be an adoptive parent - personally our infant adoption process was relatively short; we matched with a prospective birth mother about three months after we completed all the training and screening, and our daughter was placed with us 45 days after her birth - if you adopt from states with longer time periods for birth parents to change their mind about placing the child for adoption (like MD's 30 day period), you may have a failed placement if the birth parents change their mind after you match. Those longer time periods are absolutely in the best interest of the birth parents, and are fair, but practically speaking that means that the infants are not truly 'available' until that time period ends. - many people choose adoption after infertility and the training/screening will help you work through that loss of your hope to have a biological child. - Literally every adoptive parent I know is absolutely thrilled with their decision to bring their child(ren) into their family. - not every adoptee feels a need to track down biological relatives. I have a wonderful family and see no need to expand it based on genetics. Many people do feel a need for that tie but it is not as inevitable as the press makes it sound. |
Anonymous
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OP, if you are still reading this thread then you MUST do your research with a critical eye to both those who have positive experiences with adoption and those who have had negative experiences.
Likewise with the information each side presents. When looking up organizations read about who they are and what their stance is: If they are pro-adoption their materials will present info that way. If they are critical of adoption, their materials will present info that way. Never forget there is a financial aspect to adoption which is often ignored. There are gray areas in law which make profiting from it easy for organizations, attorneys and in some cases birth parents. Any time there is money involved, there is an opportunity for coercion, corruption and greed. The fact is the private adoption process here in the U.S. is highly unregulated. Until there is greater oversight and legislation, the adage is "caveat emptor." https://time.com/6051811/private-adoption-america/ |
Anonymous
Intersting quote from Time article: "Experts say that reports of any organization’s putting pressure on birth parents to go through with an adoption would raise concerns about whether those parents placed their children under duress—which can be grounds for invalidating consent and potentially overturning adoptions. And ANLC may be violating consumer-protection laws with a clause in its agreement that makes clients “agree not to talk negatively about ANLC’s efforts, service, positions, policies and employees with anyone, including potential Birth Parents, other adoption-related entities or on social media and other Internet platforms.' |
Anonymous
| Op, ignore the rambling poster and go for it. |
Anonymous
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I'd recommend any would-be adoptive parent listen to S2 of the podcast This Land, which looks at the shadowy interests looking to overturn the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).
The podcast does a great job of universalizing some of the issues that face both indigenous and non-indigenous adoptive families and adoptees, including the ways in which kids who were placed with families that shared their heritage fared better in both the foster care system and as adoptees. You may still decide to adopt, but I'd recommend listening to the podcast. |
Anonymous
| I disrupted a foster-to-adopt placement. Assume that kids who have been in the foster care system long enough for parental rights to be terminated and are not being adopted by their extended families or their current foster parents are going to have serious effects both from whatever abuse and neglect led to their removal, and from their time in care (in addition to any underlying issues). Someone needs to do it but I could not handle a physically violent child who weighed as much as I did and was often not in touch with reality. You need to expect that in any adoption you will not be given the whole truth. Birth parents have reasons to not be forthcoming. So do private adoption agencies and CPS. Sometimes they don't know all the facts and sometimes they are not sharing what they do know so you'll go through with adoption. Again, adoption can be wonderful and there are kids who truly need homes. But if you are not sure whether you can handle a child with PTSD, prenatal substance exposure, or serious mental illnesses with strong genetic components, then you should rule it out. |
Anonymous
+2 domestic adoption quicker but has same background checks … check out CASE and online reviews for any adoption agency you are considering using. Think carefully about what type of adoption you can handle. Adoption is well worth it but it is best to go in well informed and prepared. Post adoption services are critical for adoptee and adoptive parents. We all need help and support. |
Anonymous
If it's not too revealing, can you please elaborate a bit on what those problems were in the open adoptions? |
Anonymous
Why…? People trying to adopt in the 21st century aren’t going to be adopting Native American kids against the will of the tribes. |
Anonymous
Domestic Biological mother inserting herself inappropriately and too often International Biological family hitting up adoptive family for money Biological mother rejecting biological child who wanted relationship of some kind due to new marriage where new husband not aware of previous child who was adopted out. Biological mother rejecting biological child and refusing any future contact |
Anonymous
In the domestic situation, do you know how the couple handled bio mom? |
Anonymous
With kid gloves … pandered to last minute indulgent requests, bought stuff she asked for, allowed a lot of photos that went onto social media, and generally put up with a lot for her adopted dd. Not easy but they seem to be getting through it . |