What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Do you need a formal marriage to get the things in your last paragraph? You are ruling out a lot of men by refusing to consider men who are into long-term partnerships but not interested in marriage. Many men have been burned financially and emotionally going through divorce, and don’t see a need to potentially have to go through that again, given the stats on second marriage. I am in my late 50s now and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner since my early 40s, we are the same age. I know many couples who got together in their 40s and stayed together in a long-term partnership without getting married. I don’t think having a marriage certificate makes a relationship any more of a relationship if two people are committed to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Don’t worry PP, I’ll date you when you’re 60. Attractive successful female, mid 40s, quite upfront about not marrying.

Presumably when he's 60, you will be 60, too. 60+ men still think they are napoleons, and they would rather date a 40-50 y.o.woman who's after their money than a well-off 60 y.o. I have a friend who's a former female pilot, she's insanely wealthy and looks like Demi Moore. She says 60+ age for a woman is a big problem on dating apps, all men want younger

This is a blanket generalization. Sure men want younger, just like women want richer, and actually studies show most women prefer men their age versus a lot older. But people compromise, not everyone gets exactly what they want, and 60 year old men absolutely do not have their pick of the ladies, many of them would happily settle down with a nice woman who they have a good connection with who is around the same age. I’m sorry but many men this age have erectile problems and other health or money issues and are not out pursuing 40 year olds because they just can’t compete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Do you need a formal marriage to get the things in your last paragraph? You are ruling out a lot of men by refusing to consider men who are into long-term partnerships but not interested in marriage. Many men have been burned financially and emotionally going through divorce, and don’t see a need to potentially have to go through that again, given the stats on second marriage. I am in my late 50s now and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner since my early 40s, we are the same age. I know many couples who got together in their 40s and stayed together in a long-term partnership without getting married. I don’t think having a marriage certificate makes a relationship any more of a relationship if two people are committed to each other.

No I am not interested in such partnership. I am a lawyer myself and know that laws and trusts mechanisms are totally protecting pre-marital assets. If he still has hang ups about mixing incomes and be transparent with his financials, there are deep trust issues with the guy. I would rather stay alone than investing my time into this relationship. And it’s meant to downsize my dating pool, correct. I have no issues with that.
See I am still relatively young, didn’t have enough Dinsey trips with my only child and want to have a second child. Marriage is the best setting for that.

[Anonymous]

And the stats of second marriage in my exH case at least are in favorite of 2nd marriage. Yes it fell apart because he cheated on me. But just 1st marriage was 5 years long and no kids. The second was 16 years with a child and lots of growth professionally for him.

I won’t consider my second marriage a failure if I get from it what my exH got from his 2nd marriage. I know the mistakes we both made and can learn from it. Saying “I will never remarry because I was badly burnt” is not learning from mistakes, it’s running from them.

I would look for an equal partnership in my next marriage. I think I can make it work with a right person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

NP. Wondering why is your exh be bitter at you divorcing since he cheated? Doesn’t he just get to move on with someone new? Sometimes these things just don’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

Exactly! Once they turn 60 this "bravade" about tons of 20 y.o. women sleeping with them stops. They remarry hurriedly, and often not to a very decent or caring woman. This is particularly problematic in older age for men if they fall prey for a woman who's after their money.

This is the fantasy that divorced older women tell themselves about their hated XHs who are in reality doing fine and who are dating a woman who actually likes and desires them (a refreshing change after the final arid years of marriage).

They don't care. Really.

I only care in that even having to read this made me picture my ex husbands big fat pale puffy naked body swaggering around behind me as I put make up on to go out.

But I agree with the PP in that new partners want and desire him. He hasn’t had time to reveal who he is and he spends my money to front as a real success. It’s easy to want a stranger with a fat wallet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

Exactly! Once they turn 60 this "bravade" about tons of 20 y.o. women sleeping with them stops. They remarry hurriedly, and often not to a very decent or caring woman. This is particularly problematic in older age for men if they fall prey for a woman who's after their money.

This is the fantasy that divorced older women tell themselves about their hated XHs who are in reality doing fine and who are dating a woman who actually likes and desires them (a refreshing change after the final arid years of marriage).

They don't care. Really.

I only care in that even having to read this made me picture my ex husbands big fat pale puffy naked body swaggering around behind me as I put make up on to go out.

But I agree with the PP in that new partners want and desire him. He hasn’t had time to reveal who he is and he spends my money to front as a real success. It’s easy to want a stranger with a fat wallet.

What I meant is that regardless of how they are with someone else and how they improved they weren't good with you and so you would never want to return to it. Also just the bad memories. It's like wondering if someone misses their worst boss. Even if they improve they just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

NP. Wondering why is your exh be bitter at you divorcing since he cheated? Doesn’t he just get to move on with someone new? Sometimes these things just don’t make sense.

His "someone new" is still married to her husband, as far as I know. He was fine being married and cheating serially with multiple (usually married) women. He was presenting himself as a great family man and particular to his older executive friends. I broke this image, and took 50% of everything. He thinks I got too much (including his favorite painting) thus he's bitter. He just doesn't want ME to be happy and always tries to "punish" me via our son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Do you need a formal marriage to get the things in your last paragraph? You are ruling out a lot of men by refusing to consider men who are into long-term partnerships but not interested in marriage. Many men have been burned financially and emotionally going through divorce, and don’t see a need to potentially have to go through that again, given the stats on second marriage. I am in my late 50s now and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner since my early 40s, we are the same age. I know many couples who got together in their 40s and stayed together in a long-term partnership without getting married. I don’t think having a marriage certificate makes a relationship any more of a relationship if two people are committed to each other.

No I am not interested in such partnership. I am a lawyer myself and know that laws and trusts mechanisms are totally protecting pre-marital assets. If he still has hang ups about mixing incomes and be transparent with his financials, there are deep trust issues with the guy.

Imagine a guy who has been divorced not having "trust issues" about the financial aspects of getting married again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Do you need a formal marriage to get the things in your last paragraph? You are ruling out a lot of men by refusing to consider men who are into long-term partnerships but not interested in marriage. Many men have been burned financially and emotionally going through divorce, and don’t see a need to potentially have to go through that again, given the stats on second marriage. I am in my late 50s now and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner since my early 40s, we are the same age. I know many couples who got together in their 40s and stayed together in a long-term partnership without getting married. I don’t think having a marriage certificate makes a relationship any more of a relationship if two people are committed to each other.

No I am not interested in such partnership. I am a lawyer myself and know that laws and trusts mechanisms are totally protecting pre-marital assets. If he still has hang ups about mixing incomes and be transparent with his financials, there are deep trust issues with the guy.

Imagine a guy who has been divorced not having "trust issues" about the financial aspects of getting married again.

Well so be it. It doesn't mean I should be dealing with someone's trust issues. I can adopt on my own, if I can't find someone. Messing up with these "partnership" LTRs, living under one roof, taking care of stuff and not having a security of marriage or nothing joint with a man is not for me

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Do you need a formal marriage to get the things in your last paragraph? You are ruling out a lot of men by refusing to consider men who are into long-term partnerships but not interested in marriage. Many men have been burned financially and emotionally going through divorce, and don’t see a need to potentially have to go through that again, given the stats on second marriage. I am in my late 50s now and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner since my early 40s, we are the same age. I know many couples who got together in their 40s and stayed together in a long-term partnership without getting married. I don’t think having a marriage certificate makes a relationship any more of a relationship if two people are committed to each other.

No I am not interested in such partnership. I am a lawyer myself and know that laws and trusts mechanisms are totally protecting pre-marital assets. If he still has hang ups about mixing incomes and be transparent with his financials, there are deep trust issues with the guy.

Imagine a guy who has been divorced not having "trust issues" about the financial aspects of getting married again.

Well so be it. It doesn't mean I should be dealing with someone's trust issues. I can adopt on my own, if I can't find someone. Messing up with these "partnership" LTRs, living under one roof, taking care of stuff and not having a security of marriage or nothing joint with a man is not for me

If you need the "security of marriage" then it is you who has trust issues. Good luck finding a divorced 40-ish man who isn't leery of remarriage though.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.

As long as you're open about not wanting to re-marry or co-habilitate, and women are still willing, why not dating?

The posters above were discussing men marrying after 60. I presume you are still younger (and thus your dating options are open for now). But don't wait too long till you're 60: these well-off dcurbanmom types your are dating in theirs current late 30s-40s would be all remarried by the time you hit retirement age. You will be dealing with younger predatory women or LMC older women who look for support themselves in their late 50s.

I am early 40s and well-off (income of 300K+, investments, retirement, own house etc)). I stop communicating with any first and second dates who tell they are not interested in marriage. For me marriage is important and nothing can provide such stability to both man and woman when it's a true partnership. I had overall a happy marriage until my exH got nuts in his 50s with mid-life crisis. He still regrets his indiscretions and bitter over me filing for divorce. But I do want to remarry and have a stability of a true companionship, a larger joint income (2 joint incomes is better than 1 single, even when it's high), more opportunities to travel together, live that "couple life" with not just single friends but couple friends and possibly adopting a child in late 40s.

Do you need a formal marriage to get the things in your last paragraph? You are ruling out a lot of men by refusing to consider men who are into long-term partnerships but not interested in marriage. Many men have been burned financially and emotionally going through divorce, and don’t see a need to potentially have to go through that again, given the stats on second marriage. I am in my late 50s now and have been in a long-term relationship with my partner since my early 40s, we are the same age. I know many couples who got together in their 40s and stayed together in a long-term partnership without getting married. I don’t think having a marriage certificate makes a relationship any more of a relationship if two people are committed to each other.

No I am not interested in such partnership. I am a lawyer myself and know that laws and trusts mechanisms are totally protecting pre-marital assets. If he still has hang ups about mixing incomes and be transparent with his financials, there are deep trust issues with the guy.

Imagine a guy who has been divorced not having "trust issues" about the financial aspects of getting married again.

Well so be it. It doesn't mean I should be dealing with someone's trust issues. I can adopt on my own, if I can't find someone. Messing up with these "partnership" LTRs, living under one roof, taking care of stuff and not having a security of marriage or nothing joint with a man is not for me

If you need the "security of marriage" then it is you who has trust issues. Good luck finding a divorced 40-ish man who isn't leery of remarriage though.

No I am not insecure. I set the terms of the relationship upfront. Plenty of men remarry after 40

[Anonymous]

59 yo financially secure male here. Since my divorce several years ago, I have dated several similarly set (financially) women my age who are actively seeking marriage. In large part, it is for companionship rather than financial security. All were in longer marriages and are seeking a second chance at a solid marriage. All professional women in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:59 yo financially secure male here. Since my divorce several years ago, I have dated several similarly set (financially) women my age who are actively seeking marriage. In large part, it is for companionship rather than financial security. All were in longer marriages and are seeking a second chance at a solid marriage. All professional women in the DMV.

Exactly - I only date for marriage. I am early 40s female after a long marriage. I have more than most men have at 60 (NW 4.5mm). My premarital assets are protected in trusts with zero risk loosing what I already earned in divorce. I don’t have issues having joint accounts, living under one roof, filing joint tax returns and choosing the best health insurance that one of the spouses has. Also I work (20 years to retirement) and actively look not just for a husband but for a friend and a transparent partner with common financial and investment goals, to develop a joint vision for retirement. Two can have better, happier and more prosperous life in marriage than being single partners who live separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:59 yo financially secure male here. Since my divorce several years ago, I have dated several similarly set (financially) women my age who are actively seeking marriage. In large part, it is for companionship rather than financial security. All were in longer marriages and are seeking a second chance at a solid marriage. All professional women in the DMV.

Exactly - I only date for marriage. I am early 40s female after a long marriage. I have more than most men have at 60 (NW 4.5mm). My premarital assets are protected in trusts with zero risk loosing what I already earned in divorce. I don’t have issues having joint accounts, living under one roof, filing joint tax returns and choosing the best health insurance that one of the spouses has. Also I work (20 years to retirement) and actively look not just for a husband but for a friend and a transparent partner with common financial and investment goals, to develop a joint vision for retirement. Two can have better, happier and more prosperous life in marriage than being single partners who live separately.

Or you can just live together and not get married.

I have zero interest in marriage.