When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Ugh UVA alum. I didn’t get any bids. It sucked for about a semester but then I found a new group of friends through other organizations and classes. Looking back, I wasn’t ever going to fit in as a sorority girl. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time joining. Also there are a large amount of kids that aren’t Greek. Just need to find them or latch on to those that are and attend their social events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight they will submit a ranking again. Tomorrow morning, they will get their sisterhood party invitation schedule. There are a maximum of seven sororities for each girl. If they had fewer than seven for philanthropy, obviously they will still have fewer than seven for the next round. On Monday night, they will submit rankings again for preference round. They can only attend a maximum of two. Some girls will get one. I suppose it is possible that some girls will also get zero. Based on the timing of the other releases, I would expect their preference schedule to come out about an hour to an hour and a half before they have to be there. I believe that is this weekend.

Why do you know all this?

lol—NP but what many of you who are non-Greek may not be aware of is that there are 26 NPC sororities that each have between 46-180 collegiate chapters all over the country and at least that many alumnae groups. These are multi-million dollar businesses and most have at least 40 paid full time staff members and an “army” of trained volunteers who serve as collegiate chapter advisory boards to support recruitment efforts, marketing, leadership development, fundraising, housing operations, and money management.
It’s not just a club. It’s a fine-tuned machine and for every college campus that holds formal recruitment, there are 100+ alumnae members of that Greek system who can tell you exactly what the dates are, what the stats are, and the party structure, including how many parties the PNMs can attend and when bid day is. These aren’t chosen at random. The dates and part structure numbers and process are all voted on by the chapter representatives and deigned to make the intake process “fair” to the longevity of the chapters in the system, with the goal being survival of the system such that each chapter is thriving within the system.

I thought the poster who discussed alumni contributions from Greek members had an interesting point: follow the money. This feels like a giant money machine with adults as the beneficiaries at the expense of teens.

I'm the poster who made that comment. I hadn't thought about it in such detail, but it sort of is as you describe. What's in it for the schools? Future alums who statistically give a lot more. What's in it for the sororities? A made-up network that can pay off in job and social connections for members for years. All funded by families who want their kids to have a fun college experience, and to be better connected when they graduate.

It's a fascinating process when you consider the size and scope of these organizations, and how embedded they are in American culture.

They really aren’t embedded in American culture anywhere that matters.

Not true at all. The Greek Life system is uniquely American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GDI is the only chapter which should exist in this day and age.

Well, given that sororities and fraternities are more popular now than they've been in years, you're clearly wrong about this. Although not sure what "this day and age" has to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, and DD isn't at UM, but I've been following
Because my kid was also rushing g this week.

Reporting back that she got a bid and she's happy! Not the top house, but a solid mid tier, better than she thought she'd get if you'd asked her four days ago.

I asked her, would you rather not be in. Sorority or would you rather be in this one? And the answer was in a sorority. Sometimes, you just want to be included.

All the ranking stuff becomes irrelevant over time. Just find people you like!

The entire process is so strange. Why not "just find people you like" on your own, without other entities telling you if you are "good enough for them" or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those saying that kids will hold onto to their friends despite Rush results---the friendships coming out of freshman fall are in their infancy. They're more acquaintances than anything.

My daughter is very social and if you looked at her Instagram she's always with a pack of 6-8 girls and looks like she's having a great time. However, only 1 of that group has turned into a ride-or-die friend and I think that's actually doing pretty well for the girls only being in college for 3-4 months. The rest are somewhere in the casual friend stage an are vulnerable to ending if schedules don't align due to Rush or whatever.

Well I see it differently. My daughter had her friend group by 6-8 weeks into freshman year. It has only grown from there, but the core has remained the same. My DD rushed (at a school with Jan rush, and only 20% are greek). Only did it as all friends were rushing and it's the best way to guarantee good housing for sophomore year (must live on campus/in sorority/frat thru sophomore year). She also ended up in a house where 80% of the girls are in the same EC she is in, so these girls were already her acquaintances/friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those saying that kids will hold onto to their friends despite Rush results---the friendships coming out of freshman fall are in their infancy. They're more acquaintances than anything.

My daughter is very social and if you looked at her Instagram she's always with a pack of 6-8 girls and looks like she's having a great time. However, only 1 of that group has turned into a ride-or-die friend and I think that's actually doing pretty well for the girls only being in college for 3-4 months. The rest are somewhere in the casual friend stage an are vulnerable to ending if schedules don't align due to Rush or whatever.

Well I see it differently. My daughter had her friend group by 6-8 weeks into freshman year. It has only grown from there, but the core has remained the same. My DD rushed (at a school with Jan rush, and only 20% are greek). Only did it as all friends were rushing and it's the best way to guarantee good housing for sophomore year (must live on campus/in sorority/frat thru sophomore year). She also ended up in a house where 80% of the girls are in the same EC she is in, so these girls were already her acquaintances/friends.

how did she find them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those saying that kids will hold onto to their friends despite Rush results---the friendships coming out of freshman fall are in their infancy. They're more acquaintances than anything.

My daughter is very social and if you looked at her Instagram she's always with a pack of 6-8 girls and looks like she's having a great time. However, only 1 of that group has turned into a ride-or-die friend and I think that's actually doing pretty well for the girls only being in college for 3-4 months. The rest are somewhere in the casual friend stage an are vulnerable to ending if schedules don't align due to Rush or whatever.

Well I see it differently. My daughter had her friend group by 6-8 weeks into freshman year. It has only grown from there, but the core has remained the same. My DD rushed (at a school with Jan rush, and only 20% are greek). Only did it as all friends were rushing and it's the best way to guarantee good housing for sophomore year (must live on campus/in sorority/frat thru sophomore year). She also ended up in a house where 80% of the girls are in the same EC she is in, so these girls were already her acquaintances/friends.

That is super fortunate and definitely what the instagram feeds remind kids of every day!
I was also extremely lucky to meet my group of lifelong friends freshman year. But it’s just not the case for everyone! I didn’t rush because I had met these women. But maybe I would have if I hadn’t met them. My daughter rushed and pledged a sorority second semester of freshman year and it’s just one of her activities at school. I think it’s hard for some to really get that there’s not one marker of a happy social life at college and especially freshman year …could be a big group, could be more one on one relationships. Social media sure doesn’t help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight they will submit a ranking again. Tomorrow morning, they will get their sisterhood party invitation schedule. There are a maximum of seven sororities for each girl. If they had fewer than seven for philanthropy, obviously they will still have fewer than seven for the next round. On Monday night, they will submit rankings again for preference round. They can only attend a maximum of two. Some girls will get one. I suppose it is possible that some girls will also get zero. Based on the timing of the other releases, I would expect their preference schedule to come out about an hour to an hour and a half before they have to be there. I believe that is this weekend.

Why do you know all this?

lol—NP but what many of you who are non-Greek may not be aware of is that there are 26 NPC sororities that each have between 46-180 collegiate chapters all over the country and at least that many alumnae groups. These are multi-million dollar businesses and most have at least 40 paid full time staff members and an “army” of trained volunteers who serve as collegiate chapter advisory boards to support recruitment efforts, marketing, leadership development, fundraising, housing operations, and money management.
It’s not just a club. It’s a fine-tuned machine and for every college campus that holds formal recruitment, there are 100+ alumnae members of that Greek system who can tell you exactly what the dates are, what the stats are, and the party structure, including how many parties the PNMs can attend and when bid day is. These aren’t chosen at random. The dates and part structure numbers and process are all voted on by the chapter representatives and deigned to make the intake process “fair” to the longevity of the chapters in the system, with the goal being survival of the system such that each chapter is thriving within the system.

I thought the poster who discussed alumni contributions from Greek members had an interesting point: follow the money. This feels like a giant money machine with adults as the beneficiaries at the expense of teens.

I'm the poster who made that comment. I hadn't thought about it in such detail, but it sort of is as you describe. What's in it for the schools? Future alums who statistically give a lot more. What's in it for the sororities? A made-up network that can pay off in job and social connections for members for years. All funded by families who want their kids to have a fun college experience, and to be better connected when they graduate.

It's a fascinating process when you consider the size and scope of these organizations, and how embedded they are in American culture.

They really aren’t embedded in American culture anywhere that matters.

Not true at all. The Greek Life system is uniquely American.

Dp, but you missed their point entirely, again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

Depends on the school. At my school you needed a certain gpa to rush and a few popular girls I knew did not rush freshman year but did so sophomore year and got into the top sorority. Their bffs vouched for them ie: made signs for them, etc... spoke up at meetings, introduced them to people. Two I can think of got in easily. Agree she can still attend many of the events if she doesn't join especially these days where girls would rather bring a friend as their date than some random guy - this is for the formals etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

This isn't true. Even Old Row houses at Ole Miss take sophomores. Does r get harder to get into than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, and DD isn't at UM, but I've been following
Because my kid was also rushing g this week.

Reporting back that she got a bid and she's happy! Not the top house, but a solid mid tier, better than she thought she'd get if you'd asked her four days ago.

I asked her, would you rather not be in. Sorority or would you rather be in this one? And the answer was in a sorority. Sometimes, you just want to be included.

All the ranking stuff becomes irrelevant over time. Just find people you like!

The entire process is so strange. Why not "just find people you like" on your own, without other entities telling you if you are "good enough for them" or not?

Less selective sororities are the best!

I'm serious! For those who didn't do the whole sorority thing in college, I get that it seems strange. Like you're "paying for friends" or being fake to impress people who are standing in judgment of you. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Here's the upside: Once you accept a bid to ANY sorority, you suddenly have tons of regular opportunities to meet and get to know 150 additional women - without having to do the hard work of "putting yourself out there" again and again on your own, trying to strike up a conversation with strangers to see if you click. With a sorority, it's all right there - incredibly easy to meet a whole bunch of new people and keep spending time with the ones you like.

Will you like all of them? No, probably not. There will be at least a few who rub you the wrong way. But that's ok. In an organization of that size, you'll have tons of other people to hang out with, and it's it's easy to steer yourself towards them instead of those you don't click with.

Plus, NOTHING about pledging a sorority requires you to stop hanging out with your previous friends from your dorm, classes, other activities etc. It's additive, not exclusive.

And, going back to the start of my post - YES, there really is a distinction between the "top sororities" (according to the status seekers on campus) and the "less selective" or "bottom tier" sororities that may not cut as many rushees along the way.

Here's the distinction: It's not that there's something wrong with the women in the less selective / lower tier sororities or houses. It's that, by definition, they're far less likely to be the judgy, status-seeking, "you're not good enough for us" types. Why not? Because their (unspoken) ranking and the selection process itself prevents that.

The superficial, status-seeking girls self-sort themselves elsewhere. They go after bids from different houses, and if they get cut along the way, they tend to drop out of rush rather than take a bid from a "lower tier" sorority. That leaves less status-chasing girls who are considering sororities for other reasons - not just following the status train. (Also, even the less selective sororities cut rushees who are condescending or rude to them, or just so blatently superficial or status-seeking that they make the sisters uncomfortable. So that helps, too.)

If you pledge, you're introduced to a large group of women to get to know. Not all at once - but over time. Plus the older girls organize a ton of events (some structured, some unstructured) to make it all easier for you. Again, not forced friendship!! Just lots of opportunities for everyone to keep meeting new people. If you show up, it's almost certain you'll meet a bunch of new people you like, but whom you would not have met otherwise, out of the group of 150-200.

Again, I'm not suggesting this is what everyone wants from their college experience. But I'm certain it doesn't have to be an exercise in being fake or dealing with people telling you you're not good enough. Sororities can be quite different from each other, even on the same campus. If you're interested, keep an open mind and find the people you like or want to get to know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

Depends on the school. At my school you needed a certain gpa to rush and a few popular girls I knew did not rush freshman year but did so sophomore year and got into the top sorority. Their bffs vouched for them ie: made signs for them, etc... spoke up at meetings, introduced them to people. Two I can think of got in easily. Agree she can still attend many of the events if she doesn't join especially these days where girls would rather bring a friend as their date than some random guy - this is for the formals etc...

What does it mean to be a "popular girl" as a sophomore on a college campus of 2,000 to 30,000 people? How does that work exactly??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

Depends on the school. At my school you needed a certain gpa to rush and a few popular girls I knew did not rush freshman year but did so sophomore year and got into the top sorority. Their bffs vouched for them ie: made signs for them, etc... spoke up at meetings, introduced them to people. Two I can think of got in easily. Agree she can still attend many of the events if she doesn't join especially these days where girls would rather bring a friend as their date than some random guy - this is for the formals etc...

Things have changed in the few decades since you graduated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

Depends on the school. At my school you needed a certain gpa to rush and a few popular girls I knew did not rush freshman year but did so sophomore year and got into the top sorority. Their bffs vouched for them ie: made signs for them, etc... spoke up at meetings, introduced them to people. Two I can think of got in easily. Agree she can still attend many of the events if she doesn't join especially these days where girls would rather bring a friend as their date than some random guy - this is for the formals etc...

Things have changed in the few decades since you graduated.

I just think every school is different.

W&L alum and sophomore rush was almost non existent.