When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, and DD isn't at UM, but I've been following
Because my kid was also rushing g this week.

Reporting back that she got a bid and she's happy! Not the top house, but a solid mid tier, better than she thought she'd get if you'd asked her four days ago.

I asked her, would you rather not be in. Sorority or would you rather be in this one? And the answer was in a sorority. Sometimes, you just want to be included.

All the ranking stuff becomes irrelevant over time. Just find people you like!

The entire process is so strange. Why not "just find people you like" on your own, without other entities telling you if you are "good enough for them" or not?

Less selective sororities are the best!

I'm serious! For those who didn't do the whole sorority thing in college, I get that it seems strange. Like you're "paying for friends" or being fake to impress people who are standing in judgment of you. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Here's the upside: Once you accept a bid to ANY sorority, you suddenly have tons of regular opportunities to meet and get to know 150 additional women - without having to do the hard work of "putting yourself out there" again and again on your own, trying to strike up a conversation with strangers to see if you click. With a sorority, it's all right there - incredibly easy to meet a whole bunch of new people and keep spending time with the ones you like.

Will you like all of them? No, probably not. There will be at least a few who rub you the wrong way. But that's ok. In an organization of that size, you'll have tons of other people to hang out with, and it's it's easy to steer yourself towards them instead of those you don't click with.

Plus, NOTHING about pledging a sorority requires you to stop hanging out with your previous friends from your dorm, classes, other activities etc. It's additive, not exclusive.

And, going back to the start of my post - YES, there really is a distinction between the "top sororities" (according to the status seekers on campus) and the "less selective" or "bottom tier" sororities that may not cut as many rushees along the way.

Here's the distinction: It's not that there's something wrong with the women in the less selective / lower tier sororities or houses. It's that, by definition, they're far less likely to be the judgy, status-seeking, "you're not good enough for us" types. Why not? Because their (unspoken) ranking and the selection process itself prevents that.

The superficial, status-seeking girls self-sort themselves elsewhere. They go after bids from different houses, and if they get cut along the way, they tend to drop out of rush rather than take a bid from a "lower tier" sorority. That leaves less status-chasing girls who are considering sororities for other reasons - not just following the status train. (Also, even the less selective sororities cut rushees who are condescending or rude to them, or just so blatently superficial or status-seeking that they make the sisters uncomfortable. So that helps, too.)

If you pledge, you're introduced to a large group of women to get to know. Not all at once - but over time. Plus the older girls organize a ton of events (some structured, some unstructured) to make it all easier for you. Again, not forced friendship!! Just lots of opportunities for everyone to keep meeting new people. If you show up, it's almost certain you'll meet a bunch of new people you like, but whom you would not have met otherwise, out of the group of 150-200.

Again, I'm not suggesting this is what everyone wants from their college experience. But I'm certain it doesn't have to be an exercise in being fake or dealing with people telling you you're not good enough. Sororities can be quite different from each other, even on the same campus. If you're interested, keep an open mind and find the people you like or want to get to know better.

This makes a lot of sense!

[Anonymous]

One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

This isn't true. Even Old Row houses at Ole Miss take sophomores. Does r get harder to get into than that.

They don't, Old or New Row, at Alabama when I was there. The houses are so strange now though. They all look 30 at 18, same hair style, same hair color, same makeup, same clothing.

When I was in college we looked 18-22, for the most part and weren't all clones of each other,.or some Instagram/TikTok influencer.

"Bama Rush" and social media, inngenersl, are scourge in the sororities and I blame it for what it's become. I'm sure fraternities have changed in the last couple of decades too but not like this and even perhaps for the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my daughter's situation, but loads of friends have had this.
1. Wait until rush is over - a lot happens with COB (continuous open bidding).
2. She's better off not joining a sorority then joining a house she won't fit in. Oftentimes, the sorority friends will include her in things and parties.
3. She can rush again sophomore year and it is almost always easier.

I am sorry, mama. This hurts, but it will be okay.

Sophomores rush does not exist at most schools. Only those where it isn’t particularly hard to get on the first time.

Depends on the school. At my school you needed a certain gpa to rush and a few popular girls I knew did not rush freshman year but did so sophomore year and got into the top sorority. Their bffs vouched for them ie: made signs for them, etc... spoke up at meetings, introduced them to people. Two I can think of got in easily. Agree she can still attend many of the events if she doesn't join especially these days where girls would rather bring a friend as their date than some random guy - this is for the formals etc...

Things have changed in the few decades since you graduated.

I just think every school is different.

W&L alum and sophomore rush was almost non existent.

This is true, but also rush has become far far more popular since RushTok and Covid, and many schools that had COB and sophomore rush only a few years ago now don’t have at all or only at least popular houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GDI is the only chapter which should exist in this day and age.

Well, given that sororities and fraternities are more popular now than they've been in years, you're clearly wrong about this. Although not sure what "this day and age" has to do with it.

DP. Neo Naziism and the Kardashians are also popular now.

Where did you get the idea that popularity = something positive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

I'm not the PP but chiming in here anyway. Yes, that can happen. The "top" houses make bigger cuts because most of the girls they choose will choose them back. The "bottom" houses make smaller cuts because most of the girls they choose will NOT choose them back (even if it means dropping out of rush altogether). And the whole point is to get every house a full pledge class.

But keep in mind, at the end of the day, each sorority can only extend, lets say, 50 bids. So the girl ranked 70 at the top house is not ultimately getting into that house and cutting her early gives her the opportunity to explore other options that might not be on her radar while under the false hope she's destined to be a [insert top house here].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

With respect to your last sentence, yes, exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

I'm not the PP but chiming in here anyway. Yes, that can happen. The "top" houses make bigger cuts because most of the girls they choose will choose them back. The "bottom" houses make smaller cuts because most of the girls they choose will NOT choose them back (even if it means dropping out of rush altogether). And the whole point is to get every house a full pledge class.

But keep in mind, at the end of the day, each sorority can only extend, lets say, 50 bids. So the girl ranked 70 at the top house is not ultimately getting into that house and cutting her early gives her the opportunity to explore other options that might not be on her radar while under the false hope she's destined to be a [insert top house here].

While this is true, there seems to be a sentiment on this thread that the girls should accept bids from "lower" houses because the girls there "wanted" them more. Might not be the case on either side, the lower house just wants a full pledge class. Top houses don't have to worry about meeting quota.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

I'm not the PP but chiming in here anyway. Yes, that can happen. The "top" houses make bigger cuts because most of the girls they choose will choose them back. The "bottom" houses make smaller cuts because most of the girls they choose will NOT choose them back (even if it means dropping out of rush altogether). And the whole point is to get every house a full pledge class.

But keep in mind, at the end of the day, each sorority can only extend, lets say, 50 bids. So the girl ranked 70 at the top house is not ultimately getting into that house and cutting her early gives her the opportunity to explore other options that might not be on her radar while under the false hope she's destined to be a [insert top house here].

While this is true, there seems to be a sentiment on this thread that the girls should accept bids from "lower" houses because the girls there "wanted" them more. Might not be the case on either side, the lower house just wants a full pledge class. Top houses don't have to worry about meeting quota.

Adding there is often a lot of pressure from National (who get a chunk of the dues) to have a full pledge class. A less popular house may have 30 girls they want, and 10 that are "filler" to meet quota. This may later lead to higher drop rates as the pledge class moves through college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

I'm not the PP but chiming in here anyway. Yes, that can happen. The "top" houses make bigger cuts because most of the girls they choose will choose them back. The "bottom" houses make smaller cuts because most of the girls they choose will NOT choose them back (even if it means dropping out of rush altogether). And the whole point is to get every house a full pledge class.

But keep in mind, at the end of the day, each sorority can only extend, lets say, 50 bids. So the girl ranked 70 at the top house is not ultimately getting into that house and cutting her early gives her the opportunity to explore other options that might not be on her radar while under the false hope she's destined to be a [insert top house here].

Adding to this: some of these top houses could fill their pledge classes with legacies, young women whose sisters, cousins, mothers, aunts and grandmothers were members. Forty years ago, at my sorority, we created our ideal pledge class list long before rush, which included only a percentage of legacies, which meant many were cut after a few courtesy invitations. All lovely young women and very disappointed. The rest of the ideal pledge class had support not only from current members, but also multiple recommendations from extremely well connected alumnae. So there really weren't too many spots open for unhooked rushees. Think of it like the unhooked admissions lottery at colleges only accepting single digits.

Of course, this isn't the norm at all colleges. But at some it's reality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing that was interesting for my daughter, was that she met more people with similar majors in certain sororities. There definitely seemed to be some sororities which either attracted more pre-health students or, perhaps, kept them through the process. When you look at their highlighted internship opportunities, it made sense. These may not have been the most prolific on social media, but likely a better house for someone with the type of academic schedule that comes along with being pre-health.

That is deliberate on the sorority’s part. A result of the overorchestrarion of rush these days. Girls are often limited to only talking to those with the same major and only a few girls each night, much different from meet as many sisters as possible rushes of past decades. Girls then have to hope their assigned girls have a lot of pull in the sorority or they need preexisting ties to the sorority, such as other girls from their high schools attending, an older sibling, etc. . .

Many posters don’t seem to understand how rush works these days. Everything is computerized, and designed to get the highest yield at each house. The top houses have to cut a ton on girls each night, the lower houses keep far more. A bottom house that underperforms reaching quota by a lot each year will be allowed to cut almost no girls. It’s possible for a girl to be ranked far higher at a top houses where she is cut than a bottom house where she keeps getting invited back, in fact, often the case.

Ha! My daughter told me she kept meeting girls with similar ECs or majors. I figured she must have been assigned them on purpose. That's interesting about how the cuts are made.So are you saying a girl could be 80 at one house, but they invite 70 and 110 at another house that invites 140?

I'm not the PP but chiming in here anyway. Yes, that can happen. The "top" houses make bigger cuts because most of the girls they choose will choose them back. The "bottom" houses make smaller cuts because most of the girls they choose will NOT choose them back (even if it means dropping out of rush altogether). And the whole point is to get every house a full pledge class.

But keep in mind, at the end of the day, each sorority can only extend, lets say, 50 bids. So the girl ranked 70 at the top house is not ultimately getting into that house and cutting her early gives her the opportunity to explore other options that might not be on her radar while under the false hope she's destined to be a [insert top house here].

While this is true, there seems to be a sentiment on this thread that the girls should accept bids from "lower" houses because the girls there "wanted" them more. Might not be the case on either side, the lower house just wants a full pledge class. Top houses don't have to worry about meeting quota.

I'm the PP and I (for one) don't think any girl should accept a bid from a house she's not interested in. And unlike some, I don't think it's necessarily snobbery on her part; choice works both ways and it's supposed to me MUTUAL selection. I'm just saying I think it's better to know sooner than later what your actual options are.

I think this analogy came up on a similar thread at some point, but it's like if I have a crush on the star QB and I (along with every other girl at school) is hoping he'll ask me to prom. He seems to like me and he's showing some interest in me (and why not, I'm pretty and fun and nice), so I've got my hopes up... but he likes the cheer captain better than he likes me. I may not be his last choice, but I'm not his first choice either, so the sooner I know he's going with the cheerleader the better. Then I can at least consider if I want to go to prom with the drum major or the mathlete or the class president or the newspaper editor instead. I don't have to go with any of them if I don't like them, but maybe (MAYBE) I'd rather accept one of their invitations than be home dateless on prom night.

[Anonymous]

Not reading all of the responses, but here to say that I did not pledge freshman year but my BFF did that I met at orientation. She was in a top tier sorority and we remained best friends through college. If she made meaningful friendships- they will survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not reading all of the responses, but here to say that I did not pledge freshman year but my BFF did that I met at orientation. She was in a top tier sorority and we remained best friends through college. If she made meaningful friendships- they will survive.

Can confirm. My DD is a senior now. She lives in a house with 4 other girls, friends from freshman year. They are all in different sororities, some “top tier” others not as much. They really don’t care.