When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Has anyone been in this position?

My daughter decided to rush and things have not gone well. She is either going to end up a lowest tier house or no house at all.
She is a lovely, fun girl with a great circle of deep high school friendships and actually had a great time in the rush activities (loved meeting the girls, thought she was having great connections) but things did not go her way. I think she hitched her star to several houses where older girls from her high school are and then didn't match with them and then fell down in the rankings. Or whatever. I'm not sure. We are not a sorority household.

The upshot is that she's pretty devastated and feeling like every friend she made this past fall (which she was feeling shaky about to begin with) will move on without her as they all are doing better in the rush process. Over winter break she had been casually mentioning wanting to transfer due to the social scene and I assume this will bring up that conversation again. I support her in whatever decision she makes.

If this happened to your daughter (sorority rush did not go well AT ALL), what ended up happening?
Please be kind. I think my child had a very healthy perspective on things but it does feel to her that everyone she knows (her roommate, her hall mates, her other friends) will be joining greek life while she will not and it feels really isolating. She doesn't care about Greek life but just deeply wants friends and a community.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Can you encourage her to give the “lowest tier” house a real chance? My sorority was the least well regarded on campus and I had a blast and found a wonderful community.

Bonus: when we had “movie and pizza night” on the suite, we actually ate the pizza. (Other sororities had too much disordered eating ro that.)

[Anonymous]

If she just wants friends and a community, what's wrong with the "lowest tier" houses? If all she wants is friends and a community, why would she care about the presumed prestige of a sorority? For that matter, if all she wants is friends and a community, why rush at all? There are many other ways to make friends.

[Anonymous]

If she likes the girls she met at the houses that are still on her list, I would encourage her to complete the rush process and see where she ends up. If she doesn’t care about Greek life per se, then the hierarchy shouldn’t matter to her.

[Anonymous]

It's a ruthless system. I'm sorry. I would encourage her to look more deeply for clubs. This happened to some of my friends. It will sting for a while as the new pledge activities roll out, but getting involved in something else and having something else to do will help.

[Anonymous]

Is she at a school where she could rush next year? I pledged my freshman year as did my roommate, hall mates etc. We all landed at houses we wanted except for one friend who did not get a bid. She was devastated. But, she moved on, we all still did stuff and the next year she pledged my sorority.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The lowest tier houses mean she'll be separated from all her current friends. And the lower tier houses are not a guarantee themselves. She could very likely not be either of them either.

I guess my true question is (let's not get caught up in house tiering) is: what happened to your kid if they were either not matched to any house or separated from all their current friends? Did they bounce back socially? Did they transfer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you encourage her to give the “lowest tier” house a real chance? [b] My sorority was the least well regarded on campus and I had a blast and found a wonderful community.

Bonus: when we had “movie and pizza night” on the suite, we actually ate the pizza. (Other sororities had too much disordered eating ro that.)

+1, there might be more chance for friendship and leadership then in a "top" house. And we all know the "rankings" are BS.

[Anonymous]

Can you give a general description of the type of school? Public/Private? Big/small? This impacts the nature of the situation.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the school. At some of the smaller private schools like Vanderbilt or Northwestern, you end up being friends with girls in other houses that you were with freshman year. Those friendships don’t change.

Plus a lot of people rush as sophomores as well.

Michigan /UVA is very very different.

[Anonymous]

If she transfers why does she think she will "do better"?

[Anonymous]

There are no “lowest tier” houses at UVA. This is just a construct made up by the students. If she wants to participate in Greek life, encourage her to give the houses that are still in the mix a chance. Which one feels like a fit for her? This should not be about status (or perceived status).

Also, if she ends up with nothing and still really wants to participate, she has options. Continuous Open Bidding (COB) is an option if she hasn’t accepted elsewhere. And there is next year.

Deep breath and deal with the cards dealt. It’s not about her. It’s the flawed process.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my daughter several years ago, and it was especially tough after she had been “dirty rushed” by a couple of houses in the fall that cut her (they had winter recruitment at that school). She was devastated at the time, and it was what tipped her to transfer the next fall (particularly because it was already hard to be social during all the Covid lock downs and social distancing). At her new uni she gave sorority rush another chance and ended up in a house that was a great fit for her and gave her wonderful friends and leadership opportunities. So things can work out in the end.

Winter rush can be really tough, as girls build both expectations and anxieties based on how many people they already know or don’t know in the various chapters. Plus there’s the added worry of being the only one in a 1st semester friend group without a full spring social calendar. Best of luck to your daughter as she navigates everything and to you as you watch her go through it. It really does have to be her own process based on my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone been in this position?

My daughter decided to rush and things have not gone well. She is either going to end up a lowest tier house or no house at all.
She is a lovely, fun girl with a great circle of deep high school friendships and actually had a great time in the rush activities (loved meeting the girls, thought she was having great connections) but things did not go her way. I think she hitched her star to several houses where older girls from her high school are and then didn't match with them and then fell down in the rankings. Or whatever. I'm not sure. We are not a sorority household.

The upshot is that she's pretty devastated and feeling like every friend she made this past fall (which she was feeling shaky about to begin with) will move on without her as they all are doing better in the rush process. Over winter break she had been casually mentioning wanting to transfer due to the social scene and I assume this will bring up that conversation again. I support her in whatever decision she makes.

If this happened to your daughter (sorority rush did not go well AT ALL), what ended up happening?
Please be kind. I think my child had a very healthy perspective on things but it does feel to her that everyone she knows (her roommate, her hall mates, her other friends) will be joining greek life while she will not and it feels really isolating. She doesn't care about Greek life but just deeply wants friends and a community.

Thank you!

As a freshman at a big OOS school my DD didn’t get the sorority she wanted. Got another one but wasn’t her vibe so dropped out. Her friends were all in other sororities she wanted, but didn’t end up affecting social life freshman year. Friends invited her to parties, events etc. One of her roommates dropped out early, so was nice. Felt bad beginning of sophomore year because most friends living in sorority. She rushed again and it was easy. She and roommate got their top choice. And now going to live in apartment w many friends next tear. Freshman year she was out of state and everyone had people in state recommending them. Long story. It worked out. I don’t like whole Greek life but she wanted it. We went to a brunch Family Weekend and it was very nice actually. Hang on. I told my daughter at the time in beginning of sophomore year to extend her life to other giris who don’t care abour sororities.

[Anonymous]

What in the world is a lower tier house?