When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my daughter several years ago, and it was especially tough after she had been “dirty rushed” by a couple of houses in the fall that cut her (they had winter recruitment at that school). She was devastated at the time, and it was what tipped her to transfer the next fall (particularly because it was already hard to be social during all the Covid lock downs and social distancing). At her new uni she gave sorority rush another chance and ended up in a house that was a great fit for her and gave her wonderful friends and leadership opportunities. So things can work out in the end.

Winter rush can be really tough, as girls build both expectations and anxieties based on how many people they already know or don’t know in the various chapters. Plus there’s the added worry of being the only one in a 1st semester friend group without a full spring social calendar. Best of luck to your daughter as she navigates everything and to you as you watch her go through it. It really does have to be her own process based on my experience.

What is dirty rush?

[Anonymous]

PP - just realized we don’t know the school here. Saw the reference to Michigan / UVA. But would still say the tiered houses idea is bogus, regardless of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone been in this position?

My daughter decided to rush and things have not gone well. She is either going to end up a lowest tier house or no house at all.
She is a lovely, fun girl with a great circle of deep high school friendships and actually had a great time in the rush activities (loved meeting the girls, thought she was having great connections) but things did not go her way. I think she hitched her star to several houses where older girls from her high school are and then didn't match with them and then fell down in the rankings. Or whatever. I'm not sure. We are not a sorority household.

The upshot is that she's pretty devastated and feeling like every friend she made this past fall (which she was feeling shaky about to begin with) will move on without her as they all are doing better in the rush process. Over winter break she had been casually mentioning wanting to transfer due to the social scene and I assume this will bring up that conversation again. I support her in whatever decision she makes.

If this happened to your daughter (sorority rush did not go well AT ALL), what ended up happening?
Please be kind. I think my child had a very healthy perspective on things but it does feel to her that everyone she knows (her roommate, her hall mates, her other friends) will be joining greek life while she will not and it feels really isolating. She doesn't care about Greek life but just deeply wants friends and a community.

Thank you!

Depends upon the school, but in this case transferring might be a good option to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

The girls in the so called lower tier house may be lovely people. If your DD truly doesn't care about the sorority social scene and wants a community of nice friends, then why are they so beneath her?

[Anonymous]

It happened to me, back in the day.

I am shy, so Greek life was arguably not going to be a great fit for me, anyway. I rushed because most of my friends were. I actually felt like it was going decently, but I got cut by a ton of houses.

I quit with just one round to go.

I got deeply involved with an extracurricular that I had tried freshman year. THAT was where I found my people. I wound up having a wonderful college experience. I think this would be the case for your daughter, too. Hopefully, the friends she's already made are true friends, and they can still be friends. But the girls will be busy with pledging. I'd DEFINITELY encourage your daughter to get involved in a different way. Maybe a choir, an intramural sport, an art club, a job? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP - just realized we don’t know the school here. Saw the reference to Michigan / UVA. But would still say the tiered houses idea is bogus, regardless of the school.

Guess again.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me when I was in college. Looking back it is all so dumb, but for a 19 year old it was hard to handle. I struggled through the pledge period when all my friends were busy (or dropped me) and ended up submitting several transfer applications. By the spring a few friends had come back and I made several new friends. I decided not to transfer and had a great group of friends from many sororities my sophomore year and beyond. I did end up pledging sophomore year and it was much easier as my friends had introduced me to most of their sororities in the fall and I went in knowing many more people. Having gone through recruitment on the other side, it is easy for girls to fall through the cracks, especially if they are quieter and don’t know many people.

[Anonymous]

It happened to my daughter. It was awful. Really traumatic and made her feel liek there was something wrong with her. She is objectively funny, smart, kind, gorgeous. I flew her home immediately-literally the day she was dropped by the top sororities. Her roommates were all into the sororities of choice and she didn’t want to be around them with all the activities, etc. This was at a winter rush school when the girls arrived a week before classes. She was invited back to the top sororities all week until the last night before bid day. She was dirty rushed by these two houses all fall. She discussed a transfer, but ended up staying. Rushed sophomore year and none of the top houses took sophomores that year, so she dropped out early on. It sucked. She still can’t talk about it without getting teary eyed. Tons of girls from these houses reached out to her afterwards. She ended up being best friends with girls from 3 different sororities and went to just as many formals as they did. They all invited her as their date (girls do this at her school) and invited to fraternity formals too. It turned out fine. Mom talking here, but my girl is pretty amazing and it truly taught her resilience. That said, I know HATE rush. My son is heading to college next year. He plans to rush and I really hope it isn’t as brutal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP - just realized we don’t know the school here. Saw the reference to Michigan / UVA. But would still say the tiered houses idea is bogus, regardless of the school.

Guess again.

Why guess? OP, name the school. No one will know who you are.

[Anonymous]

Why are you worried about this? Not worth the emotional energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my daughter several years ago, and it was especially tough after she had been “dirty rushed” by a couple of houses in the fall that cut her (they had winter recruitment at that school). She was devastated at the time, and it was what tipped her to transfer the next fall (particularly because it was already hard to be social during all the Covid lock downs and social distancing). At her new uni she gave sorority rush another chance and ended up in a house that was a great fit for her and gave her wonderful friends and leadership opportunities. So things can work out in the end.

Winter rush can be really tough, as girls build both expectations and anxieties based on how many people they already know or don’t know in the various chapters. Plus there’s the added worry of being the only one in a 1st semester friend group without a full spring social calendar. Best of luck to your daughter as she navigates everything and to you as you watch her go through it. It really does have to be her own process based on my experience.

What is dirty rush?

Houses aren’t supposed to recruit before Rush officially starts so that every girl has the same opportunity to meet the houses at the same time. Dirty rush is when some members of a house gets to know freshmen earlier, so that when Rush starts, the girls they want already have connections and interest in their house. The might target girls that seem like a fit for their house, but sometimes they get it wrong and sometimes they meet girls they want more during Rush. So the girl who was dirty rushed feels led on. Nothing is promised, it’s just a head start for some and technically not allowed but happens all the time (organically or not)

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would she transfer?? If she cannot make friends at this school without Greek Life, what’s the logic that she can make friends at other schools?

Presumably she chose this college because she liked the campus, program, location, vibe, culture.?

If it was my kid, I would have them branch out and make new friends. I would also downplay the whole sorority thing. Have them do a meager abroad. Sounds like she needs to broaden her perspective.

[Anonymous]

*semester abroad (auto correct)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

The girls in the so called lower tier house may be lovely people. If your DD truly doesn't care about the sorority social scene and wants a community of nice friends, then why are they so beneath her?

My two girls at different OOS flagships have ended up in "lower tier" houses and it has been great. They both were looking for "their" people and thankfully got away from the first semester freshman year friends. Their houses are lovely, both are involved in their execs, one will be a rho gamma next fall. Both were very hesitant during the process and thought they wanted other houses. But with encouragement they stuck with it and ended up exactly where they should be. Both have friends in a lot of different houses but their sisters are they close friends.

I would encourage her to stick with it and see what happens. Don't let her slide into the high school popularity shit. Let her grow.