Wrong to not allow my teen DD to wear certain clothes

[Anonymous]

We teach ours that trashy is trashy. The conversation did not start with our daughter, but with our son who decided that he wanted to wear tight white wifebeaters. For both shorts must cover the butt cheek and then some. Clothes must fit - I shouldn’t be able to see the outlines of private parts (again, mostly for son, whose sweats/shorts can be too tight - that one is just because he doesn’t toss too small clothes).

You can have standards, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

You're assuming all girls that dress this way are heterosexual.

No, men and women will both stare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

No. It's a myth females dress to impress men, if they are looking for any outside affirmation it's to compete with other females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:same situation with my dd. its the trend... ugh! over here we are trying not not make it about her or her body. we have focused the conversation on thinking about what is okay to ear in different places. As in, THAT might be okay if you are headed to the beach or pool, but need to wear something different to go to school, to the mall, etc.

I was a teen in the 80s, the first time (or maybe the 2nd) that crop tops and short skirts/short shorts were in style. THat's basically the convo my parents had. Wear appropriate clothing for the event. Don't over dress or under dress, neither one is appropriate. You wouldn't wear the crop/shorts to school, and you wouldn't wear slacks and pumps to the pool. Or whatever. Made sense then, makes sense now.

Toxic parenting? GMAB.

It makes sense until you realize that what we wear to a pool etc was determined by the same people who have crop top in fashion and thus style and what is worn is fluid, it may not be easy but it's better to honest that your beliefs have to do with that girls/women should be covered up to prevent sexual harassment.

For me, this hits the nail on the head. DH has opposed some of the clothes DD (16 yo) wears. When pressed on what he finds objectionable, it's really hard for him to articulate. It comes down to her being viewed as sexual - and this isn't due to her exposing breasts/butt cheeks. DD is fit/trim and youthful. Unless she's wearing a burqa, you're going to see her figure.

Women/girls will be objectified no matter what they wear. It's not about 'provocative clothing' or them 'asking for it', it is about a world where men/boys feels comfortable in objectifying women/girls. Should we let them dictate our choice in clothing because they choose not to control themselves? I'm not talking about wearing a crop top/short shorts to church or the office (which would be inappropriate) but if for day-to-day, why should my DD choose to dress for men rather than for herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We teach ours that trashy is trashy. The conversation did not start with our daughter, but with our son who decided that he wanted to wear tight white wifebeaters. For both shorts must cover the butt cheek and then some. Clothes must fit - I shouldn’t be able to see the outlines of private parts (again, mostly for son, whose sweats/shorts can be too tight - that one is just because he doesn’t toss too small clothes).

You can have standards, OP.

How lovely of you. We teach our children not to make value judgments based on what clothes a person is Wearing. We also talk about why we don't like certain styles, but we don't use disparaging terminology to make our points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

No. It's a myth females dress to impress men, if they are looking for any outside affirmation it's to compete with other females.

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach ours that trashy is trashy. The conversation did not start with our daughter, but with our son who decided that he wanted to wear tight white wifebeaters. For both shorts must cover the butt cheek and then some. Clothes must fit - I shouldn’t be able to see the outlines of private parts (again, mostly for son, whose sweats/shorts can be too tight - that one is just because he doesn’t toss too small clothes).

You can have standards, OP.

How lovely of you. We teach our children not to make value judgments based on what clothes a person is Wearing. We also talk about why we don't like certain styles, but we don't use disparaging terminology to make our points.

That’s very woke of you, but people make snap judgments on first impressions. They may not say something out loud, but they’re thinking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is perfectly fine to parent according to your own family values. I can't thing of a single appropriate place for a crop top and short shorts other than maybe the beach. I don't care if we are talking about a boy or a girl. I would definitely let my own children know that we do not consider that to be appropriate attire. They are free to express themselves through clothes as long as the clothes are clean, reasonably modest, and don't have offensive sayings on them. People are simply afraid to parent these days.

How old are your kids? I think allowing kids to have freedom with clothing choices is OK.

I'm not this poster but i have a really skinny child so by the time clothes fit him around the waist, they are too tight in the pelvis. I've told him to change b/c it's too revealing and we can't show our private parts in public. That's how I put it to him.

Girl child (8) wears leggings and long tops so far... our rule on leggings is that the top has to cover the hips. I'm reading this thread to learn. I was such a good child, I have no idea how to address the challenging issues. Seriously, I was.

[Anonymous]

We’ve had a lot of conversations about this topic at our house and it’s one I struggle with. We’ve definitely loosened things up based on feedback from our daughters. They should be able to wear what they want without fearing unwanted male attention. But changing boy behavior is hard and it makes me really uncomfortable thinking about men or teen boys ogling my daughters. I don’t know the answer. We are just tryin FTI keep the conversation going about us wanting our daughters to date someone who likes who they are as people and not just how they look in crop tops or short shorts. Dyed hair is a lot easier for me to support!

[Anonymous]

I am surprised at all the posters saying they would tell their teens how to dress. I have told mine when I think shorts are too short. I have also told them that I think a tight fitting item should be worn with a baggy item. But that is not the style now and I am not going to make a hard rule about clothing. There are so many bigger issues. And I am definitely a strict parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is perfectly fine to parent according to your own family values. I can't thing of a single appropriate place for a crop top and short shorts other than maybe the beach. I don't care if we are talking about a boy or a girl. I would definitely let my own children know that we do not consider that to be appropriate attire. They are free to express themselves through clothes as long as the clothes are clean, reasonably modest, and don't have offensive sayings on them. People are simply afraid to parent these days.

People parent differently, actually. Just because they don't do it your way doesn't mean they are not "parenting."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach ours that trashy is trashy. The conversation did not start with our daughter, but with our son who decided that he wanted to wear tight white wifebeaters. For both shorts must cover the butt cheek and then some. Clothes must fit - I shouldn’t be able to see the outlines of private parts (again, mostly for son, whose sweats/shorts can be too tight - that one is just because he doesn’t toss too small clothes).

You can have standards, OP.

How lovely of you. We teach our children not to make value judgments based on what clothes a person is Wearing. We also talk about why we don't like certain styles, but we don't use disparaging terminology to make our points.

That’s very woke of you, but people make snap judgments on first impressions. They may not say something out loud, but they’re thinking it.

Hon, I'm not sure that you understand what "woke" means. So just stop.

And frankly, we do not cater to 3d party prejudices in our home. If someone is going to judge someone for their shorts and top, and think like a judgmental a-hole, they've given my kid a huge gift. And my kid has dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

Ew! Blaming women and girls for the toxic behavior of men and boys!

Isn't the point of wearing short shorts and crop tops together at once to gain male attention? It isn't as if they are comfortable or stylish. Wearing provocative clothing sends a signal. While it obviously isn't an invitation for sexual harassment, it is a cry for attention.

No. It's a myth females dress to impress men, if they are looking for any outside affirmation it's to compete with other females.

I agree with this.

I also "dress to impress" to, you know, feel good about myself. So there's that.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more important that teens learn to dress for the room they're walking into next.

You dress differently for a weekend afternoon at the mall with friends than you do for a school day/work than you do to eat out at Baja Fresh vs. a high-end, sit-down restaurant with the grandparents.

I see a lot of teenagers not being taught the difference at all between any of these venues. But how you dress can matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is perfectly fine to parent according to your own family values. I can't thing of a single appropriate place for a crop top and short shorts other than maybe the beach. I don't care if we are talking about a boy or a girl. I would definitely let my own children know that we do not consider that to be appropriate attire. They are free to express themselves through clothes as long as the clothes are clean, reasonably modest, and don't have offensive sayings on them. People are simply afraid to parent these days.

Completely agree.

+1 Same