Wrong to not allow my teen DD to wear certain clothes

[Anonymous]

I'm caught on this one. You obviously allow the clothing so why not together if that's how she chooses to wear them?

Don't buy the clothes if you don't want her to wear them.

I think it looks better with either short shorts or a more revealing top, but I'm not wearing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you spend more time thinking about WHO your daughter is than what she wears.

What she wears is a reflection of how she chooses to present who she is to the rest of the world. Surely you know that, PP.

+1

Yeah - she’s presenting as a freaking teenager. How many adult women are still wearing goth or Madonna wear? IMO if they are who I want them to be inside I don’t care about the outside. This is just the first step and the way that we teach our daughters to minimize who they are and what they say and do because “what will people say?”

DP. “Freaking teenager” is a broad category, just like “freaking adult”. “Cool moms” are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I don't care. Some teens will be sex traded anyways. If they take away the negative male attention and thus make other kids safer, then society wins. Besides, someone has to take on the job of the stripper too. Better someone else's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care. Some teens will be sex traded anyways. If they take away the negative male attention and thus make other kids safer, then society wins. Besides, someone has to take on the job of the stripper too. Better someone else's kid.

LOL

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that many of the responders on this thread are like "yes you should control how your teenage daughter dresses; her autonomy in this regard means nothing." Whereas on the thread about a teen choosing her safety over her reach school, the consensus was "you should trust her judgment." But the latter is a much more momentous decision than what shirt she picks out. A disturbing number of you seem to view the female body as inherently sexual and entirely through the prism of the male view. I hope you're not raising sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that many of the responders on this thread are like "yes you should control how your teenage daughter dresses; her autonomy in this regard means nothing." Whereas on the thread about a teen choosing her safety over her reach school, the consensus was "you should trust her judgment." But the latter is a much more momentous decision than what shirt she picks out. A disturbing number of you seem to view the female body as inherently sexual and entirely through the prism of the male view. I hope you're not raising sons.

You are very confused. Those are two much different events and age levels. But good job conflating issues. You get an A. I hope you're not raising a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

You can alert her to this possibility but do you really think she has not observed the effect that wearing certain styles has on some people? Teens are anything but clueless about fashion. I refuse to turn style into a battleground as my parents did. I went to college and wore exactly what I wanted and decided on my own to shift to a more conservative look. Let your DD grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do teenage girls want to wear revealing clothing? Let’s not pretend it is to express their “style.” It is, has, and always will be about the attraction and attention it puts on them. Spin it any way you want but this is all it is.

And so what?

This thread is ridiculous

OP's daughter will be pregnant at 15 or abused, either way, it's because she's a judgemental idiot instead of being a good parent.

Duggars perfect example of disgusting horrible ultra-conservative religious parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

You can alert her to this possibility but do you really think she has not observed the effect that wearing certain styles has on some people? Teens are anything but clueless about fashion. I refuse to turn style into a battleground as my parents did. I went to college and wore exactly what I wanted and decided on my own to shift to a more conservative look. Let your DD grow.

+1 and don't forget that some of us received unwanted attention no matter WHAT we were wearing. Don't you moms remember that? I sure do. Prepare them for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

You can alert her to this possibility but do you really think she has not observed the effect that wearing certain styles has on some people? Teens are anything but clueless about fashion. I refuse to turn style into a battleground as my parents did. I went to college and wore exactly what I wanted and decided on my own to shift to a more conservative look. Let your DD grow.

+1 and don't forget that some of us received unwanted attention no matter WHAT we were wearing. Don't you moms remember that? I sure do. Prepare them for that!

+1 Unwanted attention can come when they're wearing a hoodie and sweat pants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is unwise of you to limit her because by doing so you invest clothing with more importance than it otherwise would have. You also deny her the chance to connect consequences with choices. If she goes out skimpily dressed she will likely receive lots of unwelcome attention that she will have to decide how to handle. Let that process naturally unfold. Clothing selection for Western teens is a critical part of identity formation.

Ew, let your teen be sexually harrassed so she can figure out her fashion style.

You can alert her to this possibility but do you really think she has not observed the effect that wearing certain styles has on some people? Teens are anything but clueless about fashion. I refuse to turn style into a battleground as my parents did. I went to college and wore exactly what I wanted and decided on my own to shift to a more conservative look. Let your DD grow.

+1 and don't forget that some of us received unwanted attention no matter WHAT we were wearing. Don't you moms remember that? I sure do. Prepare them for that!

For real. Creep’s gonna creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you spend more time thinking about WHO your daughter is than what she wears.

What she wears is a reflection of how she chooses to present who she is to the rest of the world. Surely you know that, PP.

+1

Yeah - she’s presenting as a freaking teenager. How many adult women are still wearing goth or Madonna wear? IMO if they are who I want them to be inside I don’t care about the outside. This is just the first step and the way that we teach our daughters to minimize who they are and what they say and do because “what will people say?”

DP. “Freaking teenager” is a broad category, just like “freaking adult”. “Cool moms” are exhausting.

If you talked to my daughter she would tell you that I am not at all cool! Lol I guess treating your child as a person now is being a “cool mom”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do teenage girls want to wear revealing clothing? Let’s not pretend it is to express their “style.” It is, has, and always will be about the attraction and attention it puts on them. Spin it any way you want but this is all it is.

And so what?

This thread is ridiculous

OP's daughter will be pregnant at 15 or abused, either way, it's because she's a judgemental idiot instead of being a good parent.

Duggars perfect example of disgusting horrible ultra-conservative religious parents.

Soooo... if you don’t allow your daughter to be a Kardashian, you’re hyperbolically “a Duggar”. Ok.

P.s.: I’m a non-religious liberal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had a lot of conversations about this topic at our house and it’s one I struggle with. We’ve definitely loosened things up based on feedback from our daughters. They should be able to wear what they want without fearing unwanted male attention. But changing boy behavior is hard and it makes me really uncomfortable thinking about men or teen boys ogling my daughters. I don’t know the answer. We are just tryin FTI keep the conversation going about us wanting our daughters to date someone who likes who they are as people and not just how they look in crop tops or short shorts. Dyed hair is a lot easier for me to support!

I am a bit lost too. On the one hand, no amount of nakedness would ever excuse unwanted touch or behavior. On the other hand, there is no denying that we are animals and nakedness produces a sexual response in both men and women. Wearing ultra-revealing clothes give kids (and women) different form of attention than wearing other form of clothing. For a teenage girl who just developed, it is tempting to play and expererience with that power/attention.
Not sure that where I will draw the line if/when my daughters (now in oversized outfits) will ask, but I would have a full conversation with them about all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do teenage girls want to wear revealing clothing? Let’s not pretend it is to express their “style.” It is, has, and always will be about the attraction and attention it puts on them. Spin it any way you want but this is all it is.

Um, you do not speak for every person. That is, perhaps, what was going through your mind.

And, even if that is the case, so effing what? What is it your business? I know lots of young women and teenagers who dress in a way you would disapprove of but who are athletes, smart, nice kids. You think that they way they dress makes them less that way?

Why don't you worry about yourself. There's plenty to keep you busy there.

This is my 1st post in this thread, but wow PP, you are rude, a troll, and outrageously hypocritical in your harsh judgements of everyone else but complaining that others who express their opinions about what is going on with girls who dress in revealing clothing are looking for or communicating.

It's possible for reasonable people to disagree on all of this. But your posts in particular seem to be solely intended to piss off, shame, frustrate, or anger others. It's BS, it's not helpful to the discussion, and you must be really bored to enjoy trying to stir the pot the way you are.