Wrong to not allow my teen DD to wear certain clothes

[Anonymous]

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

+1 And that is not the type of daughters we want to raise in our household. We want strong, independent girls and women, not girls and women who judge themselves based on the attention they get from others according to how they dress. Yuck.

Yet, you judge others and ascribe motive to others based on what they're wearing. That's not how you raise strong, independent women who make choices based on their preferences rather than their fear of judgement.

Actually you make my point. When a girl wears extreme clothes because she wants other peoples' responses to it...that is not a strong, independent girl. That is a girl who is insecure and shallow. My girls will judge away, and they stay away from that train wreck.

No, I'm not. It is your continued judgements and assumptions that negatively impacts the healthy development of girls. For example, you are judging clothing choice to be 'extreme'. You are judging the girls as insecure and shallow because of their clothing choices. You are encouraging your children - not just your girls - to judge others for the clothing choices they make and call these girls 'train wrecks'.

You, Karen, are the problem. Are you, perchance, a fundie? You sure sound like one. You judge others not by their character but by their compliance with your misogynistic views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighbors DD used to wear revealing clothes even as a tween. Mom would shrug and say "What can you do?". I kept thinking that the mom could stop it since she was paying for the stuff.

Found out that this little girl was hooking with teen boys for cash. People found out about it because of her myspace trainwreck. Anyways, she was dressing for the profession. Turned out she was also sexually molested as a small kid. Ah well! The world is not a safe and fair place.

Ah, the always reliable anecdata! And so timely, with the Myspace reference.

Yup! Slutty Whory behavior was happening from the time of MySpace...I guess things are a lot more hidden now, no?

[Anonymous]

Why do teenage girls want to wear revealing clothing? Let’s not pretend it is to express their “style.” It is, has, and always will be about the attraction and attention it puts on them. Spin it any way you want but this is all it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do teenage girls want to wear revealing clothing? Let’s not pretend it is to express their “style.” It is, has, and always will be about the attraction and attention it puts on them. Spin it any way you want but this is all it is.

Um, you do not speak for every person. That is, perhaps, what was going through your mind.

And, even if that is the case, so effing what? What is it your business? I know lots of young women and teenagers who dress in a way you would disapprove of but who are athletes, smart, nice kids. You think that they way they dress makes them less that way?

Why don't you worry about yourself. There's plenty to keep you busy there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach ours that trashy is trashy. The conversation did not start with our daughter, but with our son who decided that he wanted to wear tight white wifebeaters. For both shorts must cover the butt cheek and then some. Clothes must fit - I shouldn’t be able to see the outlines of private parts (again, mostly for son, whose sweats/shorts can be too tight - that one is just because he doesn’t toss too small clothes).

You can have standards, OP.

How lovely of you. We teach our children not to make value judgments based on what clothes a person is Wearing. We also talk about why we don't like certain styles, but we don't use disparaging terminology to make our points.

That’s very woke of you, but people make snap judgments on first impressions. They may not say something out loud, but they’re thinking it.

Hon, I'm not sure that you understand what "woke" means. So just stop.

And frankly, we do not cater to 3d party prejudices in our home. If someone is going to judge someone for their shorts and top, and think like a judgmental a-hole, they've given my kid a huge gift. And my kid has dodged a bullet.

DP - That's fine and all, but your use of the word prejudices seems a bit dramatic. Human nature is what it is and people have internal biases. Full Stop. I personally would not hire someone who has full face tattoos. You can try and shame me for that all you want, but whatever. It doesn't mean I think they don't deserve the job, or are an awesome and interesting person, but I still would not choose to have them in a client- facing position in my industry.

I get you that you think you are empowering your kid, but do keep in mind that while they may have been given a "gift" there are absolute negative repercussions that can come with it. If having your own style is the hill you want your kid to die on, go ahead, but perceptions matter. If you don't get the job, the contract, get picked, given the chance, etc - call it whatever you want - because you want to wear what you want just be prepared for the consequences. You may not like it, but it is the way of the world.

People will judge you based on all kinds of things - some you can control, some you can't - and act accordingly. For Example: I personally have not hired a realtor based partially on the fact that they had bright, long rainbow hair. Its fine that she had it, it was actually not "offensive" to me, but it definitely made me look at her as not quite professional enough for my needs. Someone else may hire her BECAUSE of her hair and think she's super cool and hip. But my point is, she lost the sale for my home due to a perception I had based on how she presented herself. And I can assure you she didn't "dodge a bullet" by not having me as a client. Maybe not the best example, but it's the first one to spring to mind. I actually think the issue of *children* wearing skimpy or sexy clothing to highlight their bodies is a much more important and potentially troublesome issue... but you don't need a license to parent, so you do you.

That's a lot of words for what can be boiled down to: I'm a judgmental bi---. There are a lot of judgmental bi---es out there. So you should have your kid dress in a way to appease said judgmental bi---es.

No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

+1 And that is not the type of daughters we want to raise in our household. We want strong, independent girls and women, not girls and women who judge themselves based on the attention they get from others according to how they dress. Yuck.

Yet, you judge others and ascribe motive to others based on what they're wearing. That's not how you raise strong, independent women who make choices based on their preferences rather than their fear of judgement.

Actually you make my point. When a girl wears extreme clothes because she wants other peoples' responses to it...that is not a strong, independent girl. That is a girl who is insecure and shallow. My girls will judge away, and they stay away from that train wreck.

No, I'm not. It is your continued judgements and assumptions that negatively impacts the healthy development of girls. For example, you are judging clothing choice to be 'extreme'. You are judging the girls as insecure and shallow because of their clothing choices. You are encouraging your children - not just your girls - to judge others for the clothing choices they make and call these girls 'train wrecks'.

You, Karen, are the problem. Are you, perchance, a fundie? You sure sound like one. You judge others not by their character but by their compliance with your misogynistic views.

At least I am smart enough to figure out how to format my response appropriately. Hint: when you start to edit, and when you start to cherry pick, you should spend a little more time figuring out how to do it so that it makes sense.

I have no idea what a "fundie" is and I am sure you think it is a slam; however, "fundie" and a "Karen," are compliments coming from you. You are not anyone I would want to associate with in real life and your opinion has no bearing at all on me. When you recover from your willful ignorance I'll be ready to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

+1 And that is not the type of daughters we want to raise in our household. We want strong, independent girls and women, not girls and women who judge themselves based on the attention they get from others according to how they dress. Yuck.

Yet, you judge others and ascribe motive to others based on what they're wearing. That's not how you raise strong, independent women who make choices based on their preferences rather than their fear of judgement.

Actually you make my point. When a girl wears extreme clothes because she wants other peoples' responses to it...that is not a strong, independent girl. That is a girl who is insecure and shallow. My girls will judge away, and they stay away from that train wreck.

No, I'm not. It is your continued judgements and assumptions that negatively impacts the healthy development of girls. For example, you are judging clothing choice to be 'extreme'. You are judging the girls as insecure and shallow because of their clothing choices. You are encouraging your children - not just your girls - to judge others for the clothing choices they make and call these girls 'train wrecks'.

You, Karen, are the problem. Are you, perchance, a fundie? You sure sound like one. You judge others not by their character but by their compliance with your misogynistic views.

At least I am smart enough to figure out how to format my response appropriately. Hint: when you start to edit, and when you start to cherry pick, you should spend a little more time figuring out how to do it so that it makes sense.

I have no idea what a "fundie" is and I am sure you think it is a slam; however, "fundie" and a "Karen," are compliments coming from you. You are not anyone I would want to associate with in real life and your opinion has no bearing at all on me. When you recover from your willful ignorance I'll be ready to talk.

Actually, I've just taken a look at the preceding posts. Most of them seem to be coming from the same person. I presume that it is you. Based on the posts I am surmising that you seem to be going through some sort of manic episode. Go tell your mom that you need your meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do teenage girls want to wear revealing clothing? Let’s not pretend it is to express their “style.” It is, has, and always will be about the attraction and attention it puts on them. Spin it any way you want but this is all it is.

Um, you do not speak for every person. That is, perhaps, what was going through your mind.

And, even if that is the case, so effing what? What is it your business? I know lots of young women and teenagers who dress in a way you would disapprove of but who are athletes, smart, nice kids. You think that they way they dress makes them less that way?

Why don't you worry about yourself. There's plenty to keep you busy there.

OP started the topic. If you can’t handle points of view different than yours, move along.

[Anonymous]

Parents have lost a lot of common sense. Yeah it's okay to parent your kids. My parents said things like "you're not leaving the house in that" and yes, I am fine as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents have lost a lot of common sense. Yeah it's okay to parent your kids. My parents said things like "you're not leaving the house in that" and yes, I am fine as an adult.

A lot of kids who left the house in that are also fine as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you spend more time thinking about WHO your daughter is than what she wears.

What she wears is a reflection of how she chooses to present who she is to the rest of the world. Surely you know that, PP.

+1

Yeah - she’s presenting as a freaking teenager. How many adult women are still wearing goth or Madonna wear? IMO if they are who I want them to be inside I don’t care about the outside. This is just the first step and the way that we teach our daughters to minimize who they are and what they say and do because “what will people say?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is only 8 but I would not let her wear short shorts with a crop top out of the house. In fact I’d have a hard time with a crop top.

Uh huh. 8 is not a teenager.

[Anonymous]

I only have teen boys left at home now, but when my 21 yo DD is home and wears crop tops, she pairs them with higher-waisted jean shorts. And not the shorts so short that a butt cheek is basically hanging out.

Honestly, paired that way, they don't look too bad. There's very little skin showing.

[Anonymous]

There are appropriate dress for different spots.
Skimpy clothes are not appropriate for school, work, church. If the kid is hanging out at home, neighborhood, with friends then more license to wear what they want (still within some limits though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Male attention, female attention, doesn't matter. It is still using your body to gain attention and affirmation.

+1 And that is not the type of daughters we want to raise in our household. We want strong, independent girls and women, not girls and women who judge themselves based on the attention they get from others according to how they dress. Yuck.

Yet, you judge others and ascribe motive to others based on what they're wearing. That's not how you raise strong, independent women who make choices based on their preferences rather than their fear of judgement.

Actually you make my point. When a girl wears extreme clothes because she wants other peoples' responses to it...that is not a strong, independent girl. That is a girl who is insecure and shallow. My girls will judge away, and they stay away from that train wreck.

No, I'm not. It is your continued judgements and assumptions that negatively impacts the healthy development of girls. For example, you are judging clothing choice to be 'extreme'. You are judging the girls as insecure and shallow because of their clothing choices. You are encouraging your children - not just your girls - to judge others for the clothing choices they make and call these girls 'train wrecks'.

You, Karen, are the problem. Are you, perchance, a fundie? You sure sound like one. You judge others not by their character but by their compliance with your misogynistic views.

At least I am smart enough to figure out how to format my response appropriately. Hint: when you start to edit, and when you start to cherry pick, you should spend a little more time figuring out how to do it so that it makes sense.

I have no idea what a "fundie" is and I am sure you think it is a slam; however, "fundie" and a "Karen," are compliments coming from you. You are not anyone I would want to associate with in real life and your opinion has no bearing at all on me. When you recover from your willful ignorance I'll be ready to talk.

Actually, I've just taken a look at the preceding posts. Most of them seem to be coming from the same person. I presume that it is you. Based on the posts I am surmising that you seem to be going through some sort of manic episode. Go tell your mom that you need your meds.

LOL! Karen, we all know your issue with kids wearing crop tops and shorts is your discomfort with the idea that your little girls may be seen by men/boys as attractive. They may even lust after your DDs. But, because you lack confidence, strength and critical thinking skills, you fall back on your learned patterns of judging these little fashionistas. I feel sorry for your kids that you're teaching them to shame and be shamed.