Girlfriend Turned Down Offer - She We Break Up?

[Anonymous]

I moved in with my college boyfriend and we dated for 4 years, lived together for 2.5. Living together is what showed me that I did not want to marry him. He was a wonderful person/boyfriend but once we lived together he turned into a complete homebody. He never wanted to go to dinner, go out, or even to friends houses to hang out. These are all things we did pre-living together and I enjoyed. We also moved in together for financial reasons not just because it made sense for our relationship.

Once we broke up I did not want to live with anyone again until either we were engaged or I knew an engagement was imminent. I ended up moving in my with my now fiance after only 8 months of dating, but was 5+ years older than I was last time and much more financially secure and knew it was the right thing for our relationship. It did take my fiance longer than I had hoped to propose which definitely caused some issues in our relationship, but overall it was still the right decision.

[Anonymous]

6 months is still early. Maybe she doesn’t want to move in together until you are engaged. Without a commitment, if you two breakup, she’d be homeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I met through work ( different departments) a little over six months ago. We hit it off right away and became serious very quickly. She was spending all of her time at my place and we started talking about the future, etc. I offered her to move in with me and she said no. I was very bummed but understand her reasonings. I’m now wondering if I’m seeing it as more weighs than she is and we should break up. I don’t want to and really like her, but I’m definitely not sure if this is just a pandemic relationship or the real deal. She says it is but wants to wait a little longer before making serious decisions. It’s weird to me that she is over at my place all of the time, but she doesn’t want to move in. I don’t know if I should hold out or if I’m wasting my time.

If you are willing to break up with her because she won't move in with you after a 6-month relationship, you are wasting HER time.

Right!? I was waiting to see which bright bulb flipped this back on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved in with my college boyfriend and we dated for 4 years, lived together for 2.5. Living together is what showed me that I did not want to marry him. He was a wonderful person/boyfriend but once we lived together he turned into a complete homebody. He never wanted to go to dinner, go out, or even to friends houses to hang out. These are all things we did pre-living together and I enjoyed. We also moved in together for financial reasons not just because it made sense for our relationship.

Once we broke up I did not want to live with anyone again until either we were engaged or I knew an engagement was imminent. I ended up moving in my with my now fiance after only 8 months of dating, but was 5+ years older than I was last time and much more financially secure and knew it was the right thing for our relationship. It did take my fiance longer than I had hoped to propose which definitely caused some issues in our relationship, but overall it was still the right decision.

So - living with someone showed you clearly that they would not be a good match for marriage.

Your conclusion from this gift was that you shouldn’t live with anyone- despite dodging a bullet from having done so. You then still moved in with a man after a contentious proposal.

Sounds like a great start to a lifetime of joy, haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

How did you make the leap of wanting to slow down 6 months is too soon to move into together to she thinks you're a distraction?

Like how did your mind even go there?


If this is how you act for a minor disagreement when someone says no, your girlfriend is smart not to move in with you and she's probably better off without you.

OP here. We are both older and want marriage. I was very upfront what I wanted and so was she. She spends all weekends and 2-3 week nights at my place. Her lease is up at the end of this month. I thought it would make sense to ask her to move in since we have discussed it many times. A week ago she agreed she would like to move in because she is here most of the time. Then I ask her and she says no. She will be renewing her lease for the next 6-12 months. This to me feels like she isn’t that serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call BS. Who is meeting someone in person from a different dept? And how would you hit it off if you’re both wearing masks?

Also, you sound crazy for wanting to move in six months later. She should dump you.

OP here. We both work in a hospital. Different fields but sometimes our paths cross. She just got a new job at my hospital and we met. We don’t wear masks when we’re home.

[Anonymous]

OP, what reasons did she give you? You haven’t shared them with us, but just leap-frogged right into “should we break up.” Tell us about the conversation you had and the reasons she gave you for changing her mind about her lease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it means she's not serious.

+1

It could mean she’s scared it will ruin something good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You basically want her to give up her home after dating 6 months. So that if things don’t work out, she’s essentially homeless and would have to find a place to live in short order. I think you don’t realize the magnitude of what it means to move in with someone.

OP here. I would never do that. My ex and I lived together and I helped her find a place. She stayed with me for an extra month after we broke up until she found a place. I wouldn’t make her move out right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? If you're dealing with an educated woman past the age of 25, your timeline is wayyyyyy too fast.

OP here. She is 35 and I’m 39.

[Anonymous]

We didn’t move in together until we got engaged and one of our leases expired.

[Anonymous]

Calm down big guy, you are moving way too fast. Remember, in any relationship, the person who appears to care the least has the most power. Cut the texts, amount of time spent with each other, etc.until you can rationally see where this is going.

A guy on here wanted to say I love you after six months. For crying out loud, at six months it:s lust and infatuation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6 months is still early. Maybe she doesn’t want to move in together until you are engaged. Without a commitment, if you two breakup, she’d be homeless.

OP here. I know it’s soon but we are both older and want a family. We have had many serious discussions about where our relationship is headed and the timeline. She said she wants to be engaged by 1 year. She won’t waste her time like she did in previous relationships for the man to make a commitment. I’m against getting engaged before seeing if we can live together first. She said she was fine moving in before getting engaged. We had a talk last week. Now I ask her to move in so she doesn’t have to renew her lease and she said no. You can see why I’m having doubts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what reasons did she give you? You haven’t shared them with us, but just leap-frogged right into “should we break up.” Tell us about the conversation you had and the reasons she gave you for changing her mind about her lease.

OP here. She gave reasonable reasons such as it’s very soon and she worries about not having a backup place if we break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? If you're dealing with an educated woman past the age of 25, your timeline is wayyyyyy too fast.

OP here. She is 35 and I’m 39.

Either of you ever been married?