Girlfriend Turned Down Offer - She We Break Up?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I met through work ( different departments) a little over six months ago. We hit it off right away and became serious very quickly. She was spending all of her time at my place and we started talking about the future, etc. I offered her to move in with me and she said no. I was very bummed but understand her reasonings. I’m now wondering if I’m seeing it as more weighs than she is and we should break up. I don’t want to and really like her, but I’m definitely not sure if this is just a pandemic relationship or the real deal. She says it is but wants to wait a little longer before making serious decisions. It’s weird to me that she is over at my place all of the time, but she doesn’t want to move in. I don’t know if I should hold out or if I’m wasting my time.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

[Anonymous]

I think it was a good move for her... I don't think you should move in together until you're very close to an engagement. Otherwise, it's just hard to break up and move out if things aren't going well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it means she's not serious.

[Anonymous]

You've only known each other 6 months. Sleeping over and hanging out is a lot different than combining finances and a household. To me the move in discussion happens when there's been engagement or marriage talks, solid plans not just vaguely expressing future together.aslso if and when the time comes she might want to pick a new place not just move into yours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

Why don't you ask her? "I understand that you feel it's too soon to move in together, but I really like you and am serious about this relationship. Where do you see this going?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

Just because she thought about something and changed her opinion on it doesn't mean you're a "distraction"... Honestly you sound like a piece of work. Just ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I met through work ( different departments) a little over six months ago. We hit it off right away and became serious very quickly. She was spending all of her time at my place and we started talking about the future, etc. I offered her to move in with me and she said no. I was very bummed but understand her reasonings. I’m now wondering if I’m seeing it as more weighs than she is and we should break up. I don’t want to and really like her, but I’m definitely not sure if this is just a pandemic relationship or the real deal. She says it is but wants to wait a little longer before making serious decisions. It’s weird to me that she is over at my place all of the time, but she doesn’t want to move in. I don’t know if I should hold out or if I’m wasting my time.

If you are willing to break up with her because she won't move in with you after a 6-month relationship, you are wasting HER time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

How did you make the leap of wanting to slow down 6 months is too soon to move into together to she thinks you're a distraction?

Like how did your mind even go there?


If this is how you act for a minor disagreement when someone says no, your girlfriend is smart not to move in with you and she's probably better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was a good move for her... I don't think you should move in together until you're very close to an engagement. Otherwise, it's just hard to break up and move out if things aren't going well.

This. I only wanted to move in ONCE and did not want to move out ever.

She's not ready to get married.

My DH asked me to move in, mainly because he needed a roommate to keep a nice apartment. I said no. We'd been together a bit less than a year and I told him that I would move in when I was very sure I'd never move out. And that I didn't want to move in with him because he needed a roommate, but because it was the right decision in our relationship. At that point it wasn't. We dated 2 more years, moved in, got married and now have two kids and 15 years behind us.

[Anonymous]

I call BS. Who is meeting someone in person from a different dept? And how would you hit it off if you’re both wearing masks?

Also, you sound crazy for wanting to move in six months later. She should dump you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it means she's not serious.

Agreed. I personally wouldn’t move in except possibly after I was engaged. I’m not combining everything without all the legal protections.

[Anonymous]

After only 6 months, it's a dealbreaker that she doesn't want to move in together? You are a walking red flag, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

How did you make the leap of wanting to slow down 6 months is too soon to move into together to she thinks you're a distraction?

Like how did your mind even go there?


If this is how you act for a minor disagreement when someone says no, your girlfriend is smart not to move in with you and she's probably better off without you.

I see this a lot, actually. There's a strain of immature guy out there (and on these boards) that are convinced by TV/movie narratives that women are desperate for commitment and men are the foot draggers, so much so that when a woman makes a perfectly reasonable decision about taking things slower (like, she's not ready to move in with a newish boyfriend just because she is ready to stay over sometimes), they become convinced that if she's not ready to be exclusive/move in/get married it must mean that she doesn't even like him. Because women always want the next step, and first, and force men into it. He was being generous by offering to step outside of that mold and be the one to propose it, but it was never in question she's say yes, because women, amirite?