Girlfriend Turned Down Offer - She We Break Up?

[Anonymous]

You don’t love her, OP. She just fits nicely into your vision board, and now you’re upset she won’t let you pin her there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t love her, OP. She just fits nicely into your vision board, and now you’re upset she won’t let you pin her there.

Exactly this, and perfectly worded. I said before how OP and his girlfriend doesn't seem to actually care for each other and want to be together for that sake, it seems the both just want to meet the milestone of children and are willing to marry and procreate with whoever is available to accomplish that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t love her, OP. She just fits nicely into your vision board, and now you’re upset she won’t let you pin her there.

Perfectly put.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me, OP, that you're rather inflexible. I get that she said she was okay with it, but 6 months is very soon and she is the one taking all the risk--not you. SHe is giving up a place to live, etc. If it doesn't work out, then what--she has to move out. I think she is being smart--I did move in with someone after about 6 or 7 months of dating in my early 30s and it didn't work out but I wasted a lot of time because it was going to be so much harder (we both moved but I was the only one on the lease, so I had to kick him out and then find a roomate or move out myself andbreak the lease, etc). when I met DH, I told him I would not consider moving in unless we had a commitment. We moved in together in november and were married (and pregnant) the following june.

Assuming you are madly in love with her and can't imagine life without her (which frankly it doesn't sound like), this is what I would suggest. Have this conversation clarifying whether she has had a change of feelings about you, or just about moving in. If the latter, date another 5-6 months. If you still want to marry her, and she you, get engaged, and live together during the engagement. Dont put deposits on anything for another couple months. Its a lot more secure for her to move in if there is a commitment on your part. If you move in and you're engaged and it doesn't work out, you break up then. But honestly living together doesn't really tell you that much more than what you know from spending a ton of time together. You learn a lot more if/when you are dealing with children, job losses, parents dying, moving, etc. And to get through those things, its not a matter of how someone loads the dishwasher or whether they are a morning or night person, its character, communication and commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you are madly in love with her and can't imagine life without her (which frankly it doesn't sound like), this is what I would suggest. Have this conversation clarifying whether she has had a change of feelings about you, or just about moving in. If the latter, date another 5-6 months. If you still want to marry her, and she you, get engaged, and live together during the engagement. Dont put deposits on anything for another couple months. Its a lot more secure for her to move in if there is a commitment on your part. If you move in and you're engaged and it doesn't work out, you break up then. But honestly living together doesn't really tell you that much more than what you know from spending a ton of time together. You learn a lot more if/when you are dealing with children, job losses, parents dying, moving, etc. And to get through those things, its not a matter of how someone loads the dishwasher or whether they are a morning or night person, its character, communication and commitment.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I met through work ( different departments) a little over six months ago. We hit it off right away and became serious very quickly. She was spending all of her time at my place and we started talking about the future, etc. I offered her to move in with me and she said no. I was very bummed but understand her reasonings. I’m now wondering if I’m seeing it as more weighs than she is and we should break up. I don’t want to and really like her, but I’m definitely not sure if this is just a pandemic relationship or the real deal. She says it is but wants to wait a little longer before making serious decisions. It’s weird to me that she is over at my place all of the time, but she doesn’t want to move in. I don’t know if I should hold out or if I’m wasting my time.

See what happens after COVID crap goes away. She’s doing you a favor in the event that someone else comes along, is your perfect match and wants to move in or take it to that level. Man up, Son!

[Anonymous]

You are not a very good listener. She has told you repeatedly that she wants to be engaged within a year. You are the one who wants to play house without the commitment. If you are that serious, then propose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. I don’t think it matter because I won’t propose at 1 year anymore.

You sound like a petulant child. "It's not fair!" "I'm taking my proposal and going home!" Act like a almost-40 yr old and discuss this with her like a rational human.

Yes, it seems like OP wants to punish his GF for turning him down. “You said no to me so forget getting engaged in 6 months.” I imagine it’s rooted in feelings of rejection and insecurity that are hard for him to tolerate, and so he’s reacting defensively rather than communicating his feelings to his GF in a mature and thoughtful manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with first.

How do you look your kids in the eye and tell them you lived with DH before marriage? Good luck.....your kids will do the same thing.

How? It’s not rocket science. I sit down, get eye to eye with them and tell them I lived with their Mom before we were married. 😂

[Anonymous]

Any man who invites a woman to live with him is a complete and utter fool.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think moving in together after only six mos. of dating is just a little bit too soon.

But you also feel that your girlfriend may not be 💯% committed as you wish her to be.
This feeling is obviously bothering you & needs to be addressed since it has caused you to have certain doubts.

Go with your intuition on this.
It is rarely, if ever wrong.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with first.

How do you look your kids in the eye and tell them you lived with DH before marriage? Good luck.....your kids will do the same thing.

I hope they do! What a weird response on your part. They will be adults by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

That’s you. Many people aren’t you.

Waiting until marriage is the stupidest thing ever. You need to know you can live together before becoming married.

funny

70 years ago living together was unheard of. Yet the divorce rate was much lower.

Ehh women had no options and no education to afford to leave

+1

Women couldn't even rent their own apartments or buy their own homes 70 years ago - where were they going to go?

Women couldn't get credit cards in their own name until the 70s! There was also a greater stigma to getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

I can’t get over how incredibly immature the OP sounds. This is not how people in healthy relationships communicate, discuss things and make decisions. If your Gf knew these are the types of thoughts you are having, she should walk away.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't move in with someone after only 6 months. Especially 6 covid months.