Girlfriend Turned Down Offer - She We Break Up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. I don’t think it matter because I won’t propose at 1 year anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Maybe I am rushing but it’s not fair for her to tell me she wants all of these things and then says no. We went from her saying she wants to live together a week ago to saying no yesterday. It doesn’t add up to me. I feel like she is telling me what I want to hear. It makes me feel like I’m a convenience relationship to her.

Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. The only person who knows is your girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. I don’t think it matter because I won’t propose at 1 year anymore.

Are you normally such a black and white thinker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. People are trying to paint me as a villain on here. I was very upfront with what I wanted. We have talked many times ( at least a handful) since 3 months about how serious we wanted to get and where we wanted to be headed, etc. Last week I talked to her about moving in with me because her lease is going to be up at the end of the month. She said she was comfortable with it. Then I asked her last night again and she said no. She is allowed to change her mind, but telling me more than once ( we also had the moving in conversation multiple times) she was fine moving in after he lease is up, then saying no, makes me question how serious she is about us.

She said she wanted to get engaged by 1 year but that’s not going to happen. I don’t feel comfortable asking her that now if I’m having doubts how serious she is about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I would never live with a guy before marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. I don’t think it matter because I won’t propose at 1 year anymore.

Are you normally such a black and white thinker?

OP here. I’m very blunt and to the point. I know what I want and I’m not going to play games or waste mine or anyone’s time. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

I will talk to her tonight more about my feelings and get to the bottom of it. I just wanted some perspective on if I was being played or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

That’s you. Many people aren’t you.

Waiting until marriage is the stupidest thing ever. You need to know you can live together before becoming married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. I don’t think it matter because I won’t propose at 1 year anymore.

You sound like a petulant child. "It's not fair!" "I'm taking my proposal and going home!" Act like a almost-40 yr old and discuss this with her like a rational human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with first.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are coming off as a bit whiny and insecure.

I think it's a bad idea for people (and especially women) to give up their own places before engagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

I wouldn’t either. And Dh and I were madly in love. I had moved in with an ex and it was hell so I didn’t want to do that again. I enjoyed living with girlfriends while also looking forward to my life with Dh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’ve gotta agree that you two need to learn to communicate better. You kind of lost me at “it’s not fair” that she said no, and quite frankly it makes me a bit concerned for *her*, if this is the way you react to her expressing her needs.

It would be extremely premature to break up over this without really sitting down and hashing out both of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and expectations, and it’s essential that you’re able to do that if you’re to have a healthy future together.

I’m wondering - does she still envision getting engaged at the year mark, even if you’re not yet living together? I doesn’t sound like you’re really understanding where she’s coming from.

OP here. I don’t think it matter because I won’t propose at 1 year anymore.

Are you normally such a black and white thinker?

OP here. I’m very blunt and to the point. I know what I want and I’m not going to play games or waste mine or anyone’s time. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.

I will talk to her tonight more about my feelings and get to the bottom of it. I just wanted some perspective on if I was being played or not.

.
Holy crap, op. How about you give up your apartment and move in with her, so you’re the homeless one of you guys break up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with first.

To each their own. I didn't live with DH and it's been fine. People are free to do what they wish with their partners there's no right or wrong just personal preference.

[Anonymous]

This has disaster and divorce by the time your first kid is 1 written all over it.

You are petulant

You are both poor communicators.

IT seems you both only want to be together to have kids.

Bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Ring and marriage first.