Girlfriend Turned Down Offer - She We Break Up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call BS. Who is meeting someone in person from a different dept? And how would you hit it off if you’re both wearing masks?

Also, you sound crazy for wanting to move in six months later. She should dump you.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

I just would not move in with someone. What a way to get stuck in a relationship with all the downsides of marriage, but none of the upsides, for the woman.

I have seen that play out with women I've known over the years. Move in, and no marriage. If unmarried, I'd want the man to pick me up and take me out. I would not want to pick up after him.

I would strongly advise my own daughter against it, or any good friend who asked my opinion.

It's possible your GF has a similar belief on the benefits (or lack thereof) of becoming roommates with a romantic partner.

This is just my perspective, mid late 30s now and married over a decade. I slept over at DH's plenty before marriage, but were not "roommates" then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

Why don't you ask her? "I understand that you feel it's too soon to move in together, but I really like you and am serious about this relationship. Where do you see this going?"

Exactly. Find out if it was a rejection of you or just the housing situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After only 6 months, it's a dealbreaker that she doesn't want to move in together? You are a walking red flag, sorry.

I agree, she sounded completely reasonable. moving in together does not equal spending all her time at your apartment. FWIW i lived with someone for 4 years, living together probably led to us staying together for 2 years longer than we should have.

when I met my next boyfriend and he asked me to move in after a year, I told him I was never going to live with a partner again until I got engage (until you will "never move out" as another person wrote). We ended up getting married the next year, 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

You basically want her to give up her home after dating 6 months. So that if things don’t work out, she’s essentially homeless and would have to find a place to live in short order. I think you don’t realize the magnitude of what it means to move in with someone.

[Anonymous]

First of all, six months is not long enough to date someone before moving in with them, in most cases.

Secondly, the totality of your relationship has been in a pandemic. I feel no one should be making life-altering decisions when we are in this situation. You don't know how each other are and behave in the real world, when there are more options about people to spend time with, and what you spend your time doing.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you? If you're dealing with an educated woman past the age of 25, your timeline is wayyyyyy too fast.

[Anonymous]

Why would she move in with you and give up the security of her own place? She doesn’t want to be homelss or forced to get a new place with a pandemic happening should you two break up.
Given that you went from offering her to move in with you (WTF is that anyway?) to wanting to break up because you are “bummed” makes me think she’s a smart lady.

When I clicked on this link, I thought you had proposed. You didn’t, so you offered her nothing.

If you are serious and you want to keep her, offer her an engagement ring. It doesn’t need to be expensive, it does need to be a ring with progress toward a wedding date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

Agree.

Having lived with two boyfriends, I would now say that it’s best to get engaged first. The reason to have her own place is that it gives her more of an ability to break up with you if you don’t propose. She is smart to keep her own place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just would not move in with someone. What a way to get stuck in a relationship with all the downsides of marriage, but none of the upsides, for the woman.

I have seen that play out with women I've known over the years. Move in, and no marriage. If unmarried, I'd want the man to pick me up and take me out. I would not want to pick up after him.

I would strongly advise my own daughter against it, or any good friend who asked my opinion.

It's possible your GF has a similar belief on the benefits (or lack thereof) of becoming roommates with a romantic partner.

This is just my perspective, mid late 30s now and married over a decade. I slept over at DH's plenty before marriage, but were not "roommates" then.

Yep.

Smarter to keep your own place. Even if it’s just a bedroom in a shared apartment you barely see because you are always at your boyfriend’s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

Agree.

Having lived with two boyfriends, I would now say that it’s best to get engaged first. The reason to have her own place is that it gives her more of an ability to break up with you if you don’t propose. She is smart to keep her own place.

As I tell my daughter, unless there is a ring and a date, no moving in.

[Anonymous]

Date longer. Then ask her to marry you. Many will not move-in before marriage. Some may consider you asking it, a negative.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are engaged, there is no point in moving in. 6 months is too soon for both, unless you are 40+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

Agree.

Having lived with two boyfriends, I would now say that it’s best to get engaged first. The reason to have her own place is that it gives her more of an ability to break up with you if you don’t propose. She is smart to keep her own place.

As I tell my daughter, unless there is a ring and a date, no moving in.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date longer. Then ask her to marry you. Many will not move-in before marriage. Some may consider you asking it, a negative.

I would consider it a negative.