Girlfriend Turned Down Offer - She We Break Up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I met through work ( different departments) a little over six months ago. We hit it off right away and became serious very quickly. She was spending all of her time at my place and we started talking about the future, etc. I offered her to move in with me and she said no. I was very bummed but understand her reasonings. I’m now wondering if I’m seeing it as more weighs than she is and we should break up. I don’t want to and really like her, but I’m definitely not sure if this is just a pandemic relationship or the real deal. She says it is but wants to wait a little longer before making serious decisions. It’s weird to me that she is over at my place all of the time, but she doesn’t want to move in. I don’t know if I should hold out or if I’m wasting my time.

You should young. Here's a few items to remember:

1. Being over at someone's place is NOT the same as moving into someone's place. Why? Having your own place means you have your OWN place which equals space and freedom. What if you two break up? Where is she going to go? Her home is in YOUR home.

2. Only move in with someone if you plan on getting married to them.

3. Six months in is WAY too early to be moving in together. Again, being together is not the same as living together. That time apart is huge and normally healthy for a relationship.

4. Yes, she could be over more because there isn't much else to do right now. If you like her be smart - wait.

5. Never rush a relationship - ever. It breaks - always.

6. There is no real difference between being over all the time and moving in. If she's already over all the time then you are spending a lot of time together...so what's the difference? I assume she's sleeping over 3-5 times a week? Be happy being together.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never live with a guy before marriage

That’s you. Many people aren’t you.

Waiting until marriage is the stupidest thing ever. You need to know you can live together before becoming married.

funny

70 years ago living together was unheard of. Yet the divorce rate was much lower.

Ehh women had no options and no education to afford to leave

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not a very good listener. She has told you repeatedly that she wants to be engaged within a year. You are the one who wants to play house without the commitment. If you are that serious, then propose.

She should say no to that, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

I don’t think you sound serious at all. You don’t seem to have put any thought or consideration into your relationship. It’s only been 6 months. That’s not very long at all. How many times have you sat down and reviewed your finances together? How many times have you discussed your future goals or written them down so they are not vague someday ideas? Starting a family? What will you do if you face infertility? And so on..

You sound like someone who equates playing house as a serious relationship. Spend your time getting to know each other better. Now is the perfect time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a smart decision. I'd never move in with someone after 6 months (barring something crazy). Sharing finances that early in a relationship is nuts.

Honestly if this makes you run, do her a favor, and run.

OP here. I understand why she said no. I’m just now worried about how serious she is about the relationship. We talked about moving in soon and she was for it. Then she said no. I don’t want to invest my time in a relationship if it’s just nothing more than a distraction for her.

I don’t think you sound serious at all. You don’t seem to have put any thought or consideration into your relationship. It’s only been 6 months. That’s not very long at all. How many times have you sat down and reviewed your finances together? How many times have you discussed your future goals or written them down so they are not vague someday ideas? Starting a family? What will you do if you face infertility? And so on..

You sound like someone who equates playing house as a serious relationship. Spend your time getting to know each other better. Now is the perfect time.

OP, PP gave you great advice. Please take it if you are serious about marriage rather than playing games.

[Anonymous]

Any updates, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound very anxious to the point of paranoia. You are ONLY six months in. Enjoy your time together and getting to know each other. Stop treating this as a litmus test about seriousness. What she's showing is good sense. Chill, bro.

[Anonymous]

OP you are a nutter. She said yes when you first discussed it. But she thought harder and realized it the timing wasn't right for her, or she wants her own space still (SMART). And staying over isn't the same as sharing actual space. And you are rethinking your whole relationship because she isn't ready to move in with you at 6 months????

You say you can see her POV, but I don't think you really can if you are considering breaking up with her over it.