Older guy reentering the dating pool...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest - if you have kids in their teens and you get them 50% of the time, that's going to be a big hurdle in dating.

That means every other week you are essentially not available. That may work for some women, especially if they have kids and can coordinate off weeks with yours. Others whose kids are older may not like being restricted to every other week activity. And if you think you will just introduce everyone (her, kids) and make it all one big happy family, think again.

Teens are notorious for not liking parents' new partners, including after a long dating period before they are even introduced. It's just a very difficult time in life for them. Girls may have jealousy issues against your partner, and loyalty binds for their mom which can be problematic.

You also sound like you are in the military or in a military-related field. This may appeal to some women and to others not so much. Especially if you are active duty and the potential for change of station orders comes up.

Not really. Obviously put your kid first and spend time with your teen, but a teen is not a toddler or an elementary schooler. Plus most teens I know will have nights or Saturdays where they have their own thing (sports/extracurriculars, friends, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest - if you have kids in their teens and you get them 50% of the time, that's going to be a big hurdle in dating.

That means every other week you are essentially not available. That may work for some women, especially if they have kids and can coordinate off weeks with yours. Others whose kids are older may not like being restricted to every other week activity. And if you think you will just introduce everyone (her, kids) and make it all one big happy family, think again.

Teens are notorious for not liking parents' new partners, including after a long dating period before they are even introduced. It's just a very difficult time in life for them. Girls may have jealousy issues against your partner, and loyalty binds for their mom which can be problematic.

You also sound like you are in the military or in a military-related field. This may appeal to some women and to others not so much. Especially if you are active duty and the potential for change of station orders comes up.

Not op. Most teens have their own social agendas and can be left alone while their parent goes out. I don’t see it is a big hurdle. Also, if he has teens and is just starting to date I highly doubt he is looking for the big melded family at this point. Since the teens will be out of the house in 4 or less years...NBD. As for the military issue, ITA...swipe left of military/police/FBI or anything of the like.

Yep, pretty easy for a teen parent to date assuming the kids are active and well-adjusted. Teens are often busy with their own dates, summer jobs, sports, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

OP, you don't sound boring at all. The only thing I wonder about based on your responses--and sorry if I am way off base---is if you feel you are settling for women closer to your age, versus genuinely being attracted to them? The women closer to your age that you date eventually might pick up on that if that's what's going on. That would be much more off-putting that being boring.

It is still very early in the search, but I have an ominous feeling at the moment that the intersection of "I am genuinely attracted to them" and "they are genuinely attracted to me" is going to be a small number. Not to mention that the relatively small number of genuinely attractive single women in my age range are bound to have all the single guys chasing them (and maybe married guys too). Oh well!

[Anonymous]

OP again,

I'll be honest - if you have kids in their teens and you get them 50% of the time, that's going to be a big hurdle in dating.

That means every other week you are essentially not available. That may work for some women, especially if they have kids and can coordinate off weeks with yours. Others whose kids are older may not like being restricted to every other week activity. And if you think you will just introduce everyone (her, kids) and make it all one big happy family, think again.

Teens are notorious for not liking parents' new partners, including after a long dating period before they are even introduced. It's just a very difficult time in life for them. Girls may have jealousy issues against your partner, and loyalty binds for their mom which can be problematic.

You also sound like you are in the military or in a military-related field. This may appeal to some women and to others not so much. Especially if you are active duty and the potential for change of station orders comes up.

You put your finger on one of my concerns. I have promised myself that I am not going to inflict a "blended family" living situation on my kids. They don't deserve that. However, I believe it is very common for divorced guys to fall hard for the first woman who is nice to them. If that happens, I could see myself rationalizing the Brady Bunch scenario as not so bad, and maybe my new partner would be trying to sell me on it, too. But I have to remain strong!

On similar lines, I have promised myself not to introduce a new partner to the kids unless she's been around for a long time. That's also in my divorce agreement.

I'm not in the military. No change of station or deployment overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again,

I'll be honest - if you have kids in their teens and you get them 50% of the time, that's going to be a big hurdle in dating.

That means every other week you are essentially not available. That may work for some women, especially if they have kids and can coordinate off weeks with yours. Others whose kids are older may not like being restricted to every other week activity. And if you think you will just introduce everyone (her, kids) and make it all one big happy family, think again.

Teens are notorious for not liking parents' new partners, including after a long dating period before they are even introduced. It's just a very difficult time in life for them. Girls may have jealousy issues against your partner, and loyalty binds for their mom which can be problematic.

You also sound like you are in the military or in a military-related field. This may appeal to some women and to others not so much. Especially if you are active duty and the potential for change of station orders comes up.

You put your finger on one of my concerns. I have promised myself that I am not going to inflict a "blended family" living situation on my kids. They don't deserve that. However, I believe it is very common for divorced guys to fall hard for the first woman who is nice to them. If that happens, I could see myself rationalizing the Brady Bunch scenario as not so bad, and maybe my new partner would be trying to sell me on it, too. But I have to remain strong!

On similar lines, I have promised myself not to introduce a new partner to the kids unless she's been around for a long time. That's also in my divorce agreement.

I'm not in the military. No change of station or deployment overseas.

By the time she's been around for a long time, kids will be out of the house or close to it.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until I tell my dates about my fun and exciting weekend! Weeded the yard, washed all the linens, and cleaned the bathroom sink, mirror, toilet, and shower tiles. We’ll really bond over the special brush I used on the grout!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

OP, you don't sound boring at all. The only thing I wonder about based on your responses--and sorry if I am way off base---is if you feel you are settling for women closer to your age, versus genuinely being attracted to them? The women closer to your age that you date eventually might pick up on that if that's what's going on. That would be much more off-putting that being boring.

It is still very early in the search, but I have an ominous feeling at the moment that the intersection of "I am genuinely attracted to them" and "they are genuinely attracted to me" is going to be a small number. Not to mention that the relatively small number of genuinely attractive single women in my age range are bound to have all the single guys chasing them (and maybe married guys too). Oh well!

You’re still not really answering the question. If you want younger women, you should aim for them and not settle for someone close to your age. So many men post on here that it’s easy to find a younger woman at this age and so you should aim for what you want. Who wants to be someone you settled on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

OP, you don't sound boring at all. The only thing I wonder about based on your responses--and sorry if I am way off base---is if you feel you are settling for women closer to your age, versus genuinely being attracted to them? The women closer to your age that you date eventually might pick up on that if that's what's going on. That would be much more off-putting that being boring.

It is still very early in the search, but I have an ominous feeling at the moment that the intersection of "I am genuinely attracted to them" and "they are genuinely attracted to me" is going to be a small number. Not to mention that the relatively small number of genuinely attractive single women in my age range are bound to have all the single guys chasing them (and maybe married guys too). Oh well!

You’re still not really answering the question. If you want younger women, you should aim for them and not settle for someone close to your age. So many men post on here that it’s easy to find a younger woman at this age and so you should aim for what you want. Who wants to be someone you settled on?

Op, ignore this poster. There are guys on this board who are constantly trying to argue that men can date women way younger. Your comments on age range are realistic and accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until I tell my dates about my fun and exciting weekend! Weeded the yard, washed all the linens, and cleaned the bathroom sink, mirror, toilet, and shower tiles. We’ll really bond over the special brush I used on the grout!

If you promise to never leave the toilet seat up — especially at night — I promise you that this will be much appreciated by many dates.

Lol “ Exciting” reminds me of the time I got doused in cold water in the middle of the night when guy left the seat up. Now That was exciting!
Considerate and housebroken are kinda nice. Pause. What color is your grout brush?

[Anonymous]

OP I think I’m the female version of your situation, except I have the kids 100% of the time. No words of advice except to say i hope we both figure it out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

OP, you don't sound boring at all. The only thing I wonder about based on your responses--and sorry if I am way off base---is if you feel you are settling for women closer to your age, versus genuinely being attracted to them? The women closer to your age that you date eventually might pick up on that if that's what's going on. That would be much more off-putting that being boring.

It is still very early in the search, but I have an ominous feeling at the moment that the intersection of "I am genuinely attracted to them" and "they are genuinely attracted to me" is going to be a small number. Not to mention that the relatively small number of genuinely attractive single women in my age range are bound to have all the single guys chasing them (and maybe married guys too). Oh well!

You’re still not really answering the question. If you want younger women, you should aim for them and not settle for someone close to your age. So many men post on here that it’s easy to find a younger woman at this age and so you should aim for what you want. Who wants to be someone you settled on?

I did not choose DW (now XW) on the basis of "young and hot as possible" so I won't choose my next partner like that either. She was more attractive than she knew, but more importantly to me, also had intelligence, good morals, appreciated my sense of humor, liked to read (as I do), was very creative, and had a good, stable job. And we were then in the same stage of life. I'm looking for the same sort of person now.

That aside, I am attractive, but I am not movie-star good looking or CEO rich, and I think that's what you have to be for it to be "easy" to get 20something women as a 50something man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You put your finger on one of my concerns. I have promised myself that I am not going to inflict a "blended family" living situation on my kids. They don't deserve that. ...On similar lines, I have promised myself not to introduce a new partner to the kids unless she's been around for a long time. That's also in my divorce agreement.

...
By the time she's been around for a long time, kids will be out of the house or close to it.

Please don't be so naïve. The mere fact you say you don't want to "inflict" another person's children into your kids lives speaks to your myopic view of dating after parenthood.

If you just want to casually date people, then fine. But if you want a genuine relationship with someone then it is an imperative that at some point you meet each other's kids. Sure, you don't have to introduce everyone until you are sure that the relationship is solid.

If I am seriously dating someone with kids then I want to get an idea of what those kids (and dealing with the ex) are like if they are going to be a part of my future. What is a "long time" in your divorce agreement? You need to be up-front about that with any woman you meet. I understand circumspection when introducing children to new partners but the fact that there is some sort of bona fide timeline you must adhere to from your divorce agreement is troubling to me. So a woman can be responsible and DECIDE when the time is right to let you meet her children but you haven't been trusted (as the father) to make a logical and sensible determination to do the same with yours? That might be a deal-breaker for many.

And don't fall for any of this "they'll be out of the house" stuff. Once a parent, always a parent. Those kids will be a part of your life forever, as will their eventual partners and possible grandchildren. If you don't want a full equity life partner to share all that with you, or if the kids are not accepting of that person, you must be prepared for a lot of heartache.

I suggest you do a good bit of reading about the challenges of being in a parent/stepparent scenario to prepare you for the day you may meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen to all of the above OP. You've matured, so has your dating pool. We're looking for a connection, not a show. Be kind, empathetic, take good care of yourself and show that you can do that for others. I met my current guy at 45 (he was 48). Last night we had dinner at 4:30p! Lol, talk about exciting. But then we went for a long walk, talked about what's happening in the world, had great sex, and made mimosas this morning. To me, that's exciting.

Why? Just why?

[Anonymous]

Be kind, caring and funny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, do not mention yoga or meditation on your profile or include pictures of your kids. Shirtless pics are also out as our bathroom selfies.

Amen!

For me, the man could look like Bradley Cooper and if he mentions yoga or meditation I’m not swiping right! Bathroom selfies......I just don’t get it?! Also, no pictures of you at the gym taking the picture through the mirror. Totally agree on shirtless. And no scenery pictures of your travels. And then there’s the picture of your house and/or car. No crotch shots in your tight pants. And try to keep the group shots to a minimum. And my last one, no selfies in the car at the steering wheel.