Older guy reentering the dating pool...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s going to depend on who you are dating. If your dating divorced women with kids closer to your age, you are going to likely relate to them more. If you are dating never married younger women they don’t want to hear about your kids. To be honest, you don’t sound ready to date. You need to figure out that 50% of the time you don’t have kids...what hobbies do you enjoy, books you have read, travels you have taken or would like to take, activities with friends, etc. You will also be asked why you divorced so have an answer that doesn’t just blame your Ex.

I am divorced. So far I have not asked a man why he divorced...so the last statement is not universally true.

Have you been serious about any of them?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? I have 50/50, DC is 14 and I would not be talking about DC. 4 more years and DC is out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older women have often been burned by “exciting” men enough to value things like kindness, empathy, stability, and generosity. You do need to be able to talk about interests that don’t involve your kids, and show some very real interest in my life, current events, and something else: literature, skeet shooting, bird watching, whatever... but not video games. I value a sense of humor a whole lot more than I do “excitement “ - And I would view being a loving parent as sexy and attractive - but you do have to have interests that go beyond your family.

Wonderful. Now if I am ever single again, I don't have to be a jerk to attract women.

Which women were you trying to attract? What characterized the ones you weren't interested in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to be exciting. You can find someone who shares some of the same interests and hobbies as you, even if you feel like they are boring. If you portray yourself as exciting, you will have to pretend to be exciting all the time, won't that be exhausting?

=1 Just be yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP how old
Are you?

[Anonymous]

If you are a caring dad, many women would find that attractive!

[Anonymous]

As a divorced woman currently dating, being able to hold an interesting conversation and someone who has interests outside of their DCs is plenty exciting for me. I will say that if you have young DCs (under 10), I probably would swipe left because my youngest is nearly out of the house and I am done with the little kid stage. I want a companion who will have time to travel and date and the obligations of young DCs preclude that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older women have often been burned by “exciting” men enough to value things like kindness, empathy, stability, and generosity. You do need to be able to talk about interests that don’t involve your kids, and show some very real interest in my life, current events, and something else: literature, skeet shooting, bird watching, whatever... but not video games. I value a sense of humor a whole lot more than I do “excitement “ - And I would view being a loving parent as sexy and attractive - but you do have to have interests that go beyond your family.

Wonderful. Now if I am ever single again, I don't have to be a jerk to attract women.

Which women were you trying to attract? What characterized the ones you weren't interested in?

PS: Because I can guarantee you weren't acting like this to try to attract ANY women in general, just certain ones. It would be fascinating to hear which ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s going to depend on who you are dating. If your dating divorced women with kids closer to your age, you are going to likely relate to them more. If you are dating never married younger women they don’t want to hear about your kids. To be honest, you don’t sound ready to date. You need to figure out that 50% of the time you don’t have kids...what hobbies do you enjoy, books you have read, travels you have taken or would like to take, activities with friends, etc. You will also be asked why you divorced so have an answer that doesn’t just blame your Ex.

I am divorced. So far I have not asked a man why he divorced...so the last statement is not universally true.

Have you been serious about any of them?

What do you mean "serious"? I am never getting married again. That would be stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s going to depend on who you are dating. If your dating divorced women with kids closer to your age, you are going to likely relate to them more. If you are dating never married younger women they don’t want to hear about your kids. To be honest, you don’t sound ready to date. You need to figure out that 50% of the time you don’t have kids...what hobbies do you enjoy, books you have read, travels you have taken or would like to take, activities with friends, etc. You will also be asked why you divorced so have an answer that doesn’t just blame your Ex.

I am divorced. So far I have not asked a man why he divorced...so the last statement is not universally true.

Have you been serious about any of them?

What do you mean "serious"? I am never getting married again. That would be stupid.

Monogamous LTR with them.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Anonymous wrote:It’s going to depend on who you are dating. If your dating divorced women with kids closer to your age, you are going to likely relate to them more. If you are dating never married younger women they don’t want to hear about your kids.

The former. I figure the latter aren't interested.

Anonymous wrote: To be honest, you don’t sound ready to date. You need to figure out that 50% of the time you don’t have kids...what hobbies do you enjoy, books you have read, travels you have taken or would like to take, activities with friends, etc.

No, I already know all that stuff. I have never had a problem entertaining myself. Just don't think a lot of it would sound "exciting" - or at least, not sure how much a woman would want to hear about my workout this morning or the history book I'm reading. Much of what I do with kids is also what I do when not with kids - e.g., ride bike, go for hikes, go kayaking, go to sports events and live music.

If you portray yourself as exciting, you will have to pretend to be exciting all the time, won't that be exhausting?

I guess I'm looking for something in between "exciting all the time" and "boring all the time" - and I'm worried I'm too close to the "always boring" end of the scale. =)

What do you talk to your friends about? Be yourself, or it is a bait and switch, likely to fail.

Our "locker room talk" is mostly about tanks, combat jets, and the idiocy of politicians. =)

Whatever you do, do not mention yoga or meditation on your profile or include pictures of your kids. Shirtless pics are also out as our bathroom selfies.

I actually do practice yoga and meditation, but don't mention it in my profile. No kid photos, shirtless pics, or bathroom selfies.

My real photo problem is that for many years I have been the guy taking the photos, and most of the photos of me do have my kids in them too. Not many photos of "just me" at all, alas.

How old are you and how old are your kids? Are you interested in women in their 20s?

50s. I am unusually fit and strong for my age, but I am sure you could tell by looking roughly how old I am. Kids are teens.

I cannot imagine a woman in her 20s being interested in me, so I'm not even wasting my time or energy chasing them in the apps. Very doubtful a woman in her 30s wants a guy in his 50s for that matter, especially if she doesn't have kids and wants them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in my 20s, I tried to convey the impression my life was fun and exciting. You will be entertained!

Now I’m a divorced dad. My life really isn’t fun and exciting. I work, I do a lot with my kids (50/50 custody). When I talk to coworkers, a lot of it revolves around kids, but I am dubious my dates would want to hear too much about that. So what do “fun, interesting” older guys talk about? What does “exciting” mean when it’s an older guy?

Talk to women about lawn mowers. I heard they find that attractive.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Anonymous wrote:It’s going to depend on who you are dating. If your dating divorced women with kids closer to your age, you are going to likely relate to them more. If you are dating never married younger women they don’t want to hear about your kids.

The former. I figure the latter aren't interested.

Anonymous wrote: To be honest, you don’t sound ready to date. You need to figure out that 50% of the time you don’t have kids...what hobbies do you enjoy, books you have read, travels you have taken or would like to take, activities with friends, etc.

No, I already know all that stuff. I have never had a problem entertaining myself. Just don't think a lot of it would sound "exciting" - or at least, not sure how much a woman would want to hear about my workout this morning or the history book I'm reading. Much of what I do with kids is also what I do when not with kids - e.g., ride bike, go for hikes, go kayaking, go to sports events and live music.

If you portray yourself as exciting, you will have to pretend to be exciting all the time, won't that be exhausting?

I guess I'm looking for something in between "exciting all the time" and "boring all the time" - and I'm worried I'm too close to the "always boring" end of the scale. =)

What do you talk to your friends about? Be yourself, or it is a bait and switch, likely to fail.

Our "locker room talk" is mostly about tanks, combat jets, and the idiocy of politicians. =)

Whatever you do, do not mention yoga or meditation on your profile or include pictures of your kids. Shirtless pics are also out as our bathroom selfies.

I actually do practice yoga and meditation, but don't mention it in my profile. No kid photos, shirtless pics, or bathroom selfies.

My real photo problem is that for many years I have been the guy taking the photos, and most of the photos of me do have my kids in them too. Not many photos of "just me" at all, alas.

How old are you and how old are your kids? Are you interested in women in their 20s?

50s. I am unusually fit and strong for my age, but I am sure you could tell by looking roughly how old I am. Kids are teens.

I cannot imagine a woman in her 20s being interested in me, so I'm not even wasting my time or energy chasing them in the apps. Very doubtful a woman in her 30s wants a guy in his 50s for that matter, especially if she doesn't have kids and wants them.

OP, you don't sound boring at all. The only thing I wonder about based on your responses--and sorry if I am way off base---is if you feel you are settling for women closer to your age, versus genuinely being attracted to them? The women closer to your age that you date eventually might pick up on that if that's what's going on. That would be much more off-putting that being boring.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest - if you have kids in their teens and you get them 50% of the time, that's going to be a big hurdle in dating.

That means every other week you are essentially not available. That may work for some women, especially if they have kids and can coordinate off weeks with yours. Others whose kids are older may not like being restricted to every other week activity. And if you think you will just introduce everyone (her, kids) and make it all one big happy family, think again.

Teens are notorious for not liking parents' new partners, including after a long dating period before they are even introduced. It's just a very difficult time in life for them. Girls may have jealousy issues against your partner, and loyalty binds for their mom which can be problematic.

You also sound like you are in the military or in a military-related field. This may appeal to some women and to others not so much. Especially if you are active duty and the potential for change of station orders comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest - if you have kids in their teens and you get them 50% of the time, that's going to be a big hurdle in dating.

That means every other week you are essentially not available. That may work for some women, especially if they have kids and can coordinate off weeks with yours. Others whose kids are older may not like being restricted to every other week activity. And if you think you will just introduce everyone (her, kids) and make it all one big happy family, think again.

Teens are notorious for not liking parents' new partners, including after a long dating period before they are even introduced. It's just a very difficult time in life for them. Girls may have jealousy issues against your partner, and loyalty binds for their mom which can be problematic.

You also sound like you are in the military or in a military-related field. This may appeal to some women and to others not so much. Especially if you are active duty and the potential for change of station orders comes up.

Not op. Most teens have their own social agendas and can be left alone while their parent goes out. I don’t see it is a big hurdle. Also, if he has teens and is just starting to date I highly doubt he is looking for the big melded family at this point. Since the teens will be out of the house in 4 or less years...NBD. As for the military issue, ITA...swipe left of military/police/FBI or anything of the like.