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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

You put your finger on one of my concerns. I have promised myself that I am not going to inflict a "blended family" living situation on my kids. They don't deserve that. ...On similar lines, I have promised myself not to introduce a new partner to the kids unless she's been around for a long time. That's also in my divorce agreement.

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By the time she's been around for a long time, kids will be out of the house or close to it.[/quote]

Please don't be so naïve.  The mere fact you say you don't want to "inflict" another person's children into your kids lives speaks to your myopic view of dating after parenthood.

If you just want to casually date people, then fine.  But if you want a genuine relationship with someone then it is an imperative that at some point you meet each other's kids.  Sure, you don't have to introduce everyone until you are sure that the relationship is solid.

If I am seriously dating someone with kids then I want to get an idea of what those kids (and dealing with the ex) are like if they are going to be a part of my future.   What is a "long time" in your divorce agreement?  You need to be up-front about that with any woman you meet.  I understand circumspection when introducing children to new partners but the fact that there is some sort of bona fide timeline you must adhere to from your divorce agreement is troubling to me.  So a woman can be responsible and DECIDE when the time is right to let you meet her children but you haven't been trusted (as the father) to make a logical and sensible determination to do the same with yours?   That might be a deal-breaker for many.

And don't fall for any of this "they'll be out of the house" stuff.  Once a parent, always a parent.   Those kids will be a part of your life forever, as will their eventual partners and possible grandchildren.  If you don't want a full equity life partner to share all that with you, or if the kids are not accepting of that person, you must be prepared for a lot of heartache.

I suggest you do a good bit of reading about the challenges of being in a parent/stepparent scenario to prepare you for the day you may meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

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