Family in a financial mess

[Anonymous]

Do the right thing and help your parents.

[Anonymous]

Get out of the nonprofit world OP! And yes you and your brother should help- both of you are just lucky that you were the older ones.

[Anonymous]

You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

[Anonymous]

A lot of you have us are a bunch of big fat hypocrites .
You post on the site every day about how you don't owe your parents anything how they don't help babysit then I'll send you the tickets. Your post about how some of you feel like you're obligated to pay all of your kids college education or you're obligated to help pay their student loans.
You Cut off your parents because they are financial mess .
Now you telling 0P she needs to basically go to the poorhouse, get second and third job to pay for her siblings high school education that her parents took upon themselves but cannot afford .
Y'all are crazy.
OP, do what you can, it makes no sense to bankrupt yourself and your husband and kids futures if you can't easily afford to help a tremendous amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an Asian (Chinese American, not Indian American), I understand the familial obligation and sympathize. I think at a minimum, you owe your younger siblings an education like you got. Your parents sacrificed everything to get you out of poverty to a better life here in the US. You owe the younger siblings the same. If you don't make much working at a non-profit, I would take a second part-time job to make more money to send so that your siblings can get a decent enough education to get a similar push out of poverty as you had. After they graduate from school, they can give back by helping to support your parents in their old age. Another option is to consider working towards a better paying job than working in non-profit so that you make more money and can send more back.

That said, you should send what you can afford by cutting back on disposable income. Don't strip yourself of the ability to pay rent or necessities, but cutting out extraneous expenses or luxuries is the type of sacrifice that should be made.

I know that it is difficult to have such an obligation, but it really is not fair to abandon your parents and siblings just because you were oldest. It is definitely not the Asian mentality to abandon family like that. I'm sorry that you have that burden, but if I were in your shoes, I would not be able to sleep or enjoy any of the fruits of my income if I did not send what I could back to the family.

Yes to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should help them somewhat, but it sounds like they couldn't afford their lifestyle and to pay down their debt even if you gave them every penny you have. So you'll have to have some real talk with them. Because otherwise what happens when your father is too old to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

MEANT TO SAY everyone who works at a nonprofit is NOT a trust fund baby .

[Anonymous]

Help as much as you possibly can. It won’t last forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help as much as you possibly can. It won’t last forever.

It might last quite a while. The youngest sibling is still in high school and needs to attend college. What about the other younger sibling? Then the father will eventually get too old to work, and one or both parents will start to need more medical care. It's going to be always, always something. And what about all the debts? Eventually more siblings might start earning more, but it sounds like that won't be happening for a while. Then the OP and the siblings will be having children of their own and won't have as much money to spare. So the financial pressure is never really going to let up.

OP, you need to change to a higher-earning field, or tell your parents they have to change their lifestyle. It sounds like it would be best if you work towards both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say you can just focus on yourself, but in this case, you and your older sibling basically got all of the resources to pull the family up and you need to honor the obligation to pull those other two kids up. And then you all need to take care of your parents. I think this is the only way out of the type of poverty you take from and your parents were doing exactly what they should have for the good of the family. So, give as much as you can.

You have everything you have because your father sacrificed all he had to get you where you are. Presumably his government job was his ticket out of rural poverty and he assumed private British schools and American universities were his family’s next step. You have much more life ahead of you. I think giving back to your siblings is only fair. They should not have to do without because you and your brother got it all.

What is the master plan for their educations? They are in India?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

OP's parents are not living a lavish lifestyle. They've sacrificed everything including their own retirement just to put their kids into good schools in foreign countries and helping their children make it to the US. They sacrificed everything in the world including their own security to ensure that their first two children can have a better life than they had. And they are tapped out for their last two children. OP and her brother owe it to the family to help put the younger two children through school and college. After that, they can leave supporting their parents in their deserved retirement up to the younger two.

PP says that OP and her brother need to give some hard love to the parents about making smarter financial decisions. If they were to make "smarter" financial decisions, then OP and her brother would be working low or middle class jobs in India without any potential for a better life for them or their children. That's how families stay in poverty for generations. OP's parents made the decision to break the cycle of poverty and help push their children out and up. The older siblings can turn their backs on their family or they can help pull the younger siblings with them so that all the children can give their children a better future. That's the Asian way. You clearly do not understand it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

OP's parents are not living a lavish lifestyle. They've sacrificed everything including their own retirement just to put their kids into good schools in foreign countries and helping their children make it to the US. They sacrificed everything in the world including their own security to ensure that their first two children can have a better life than they had. And they are tapped out for their last two children. OP and her brother owe it to the family to help put the younger two children through school and college. After that, they can leave supporting their parents in their deserved retirement up to the younger two.

PP says that OP and her brother need to give some hard love to the parents about making smarter financial decisions. If they were to make "smarter" financial decisions, then OP and her brother would be working low or middle class jobs in India without any potential for a better life for them or their children. That's how families stay in poverty for generations. OP's parents made the decision to break the cycle of poverty and help push their children out and up. The older siblings can turn their backs on their family or they can help pull the younger siblings with them so that all the children can give their children a better future. That's the Asian way. You clearly do not understand it.

+1 just that OP’s parents didn’t realize OP would get ideas from the other wealthy peers she hung round with. This reminds me of another exurban thread where the Indian American woman for the first time realized she wasn’t rich because her parents didn’t earn that much but were diplomats and she ended up marrying a not wealthy man and she wouldn’t have the life her wealthy classmates have. These people have sacrificed everything for OP and their brother, OP doesn’t get to take a low paying non profit job and say tough luck. She can do it later once she’s helped her brother and sisters.