Family in a financial mess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your brother is an ungrateful asshole, and it's telling that "you can see his point of view". your parents made many mistakes, most obviously, invest so heavily in their oldest children at the expense of their younger children, and also, by misunderstanding education at american schools. you would have been better off studying medicine in india and then coming to the US.

When poor people become lower middle class and want to educate their children, they are not very aware of educational pathways or how to plan financially. Poverty in India is different from poverty in US. OP's father have achieved a lot by educating his kids in the first place because that is unussual in India. Free and quality K-12 educatuon like in the US is not available to the majority of children and where it is available the aim is to make student literate not educated.

OP, it is not fun to be poor and this kind of chronic scarcity you and your family are undergoing can make you become negative and depressed. You and your family need to sit together and work out a budget and get a fair idea of what the true financial picture is. You have to help and pay at least the money spent on you (the loan and interest) back to your parents before you can think of walking away. The same must be shared with your sibling who is feeling tremendous stress.

Look for loan forgiveness plan as well as start a GoFundMe if you need to. Fundraise, ask for charity and loan forgiveness. There is a way out of this darkness but your siblings have to be educated to stand on their own two feet

i went to one of the best US colleges and it was ridiculously easy. entrance exams (SATs) are a joke. you need like 10 classes to fulfill requirements for a major. etc etc. it's a big expensive and completely unsustanable joke. your grandkis will be looking at your useless 300k degrees i wonder how was this insanity ever possible.

OP's father was a government worker so he himself must have been educated. he evidently knew about education to pick up a private school in britain for his kids. what he did not know is that americans go to college for reasons that are entirely different from the rest of the world (and that will change eventually, and painfully).

Enlighten me. DH and I went to medical school because, I dunno, you cannot practice medicine without an education in America. Why is our reason any different from kids who go to college in Scandinavia?

a vast majority of kids in the USA go to college to have fun and pursue entirely useless degrees. only very few become doctors. your case is not at all typical.

Lol. You're a complete idiot. Wow. You obviously have a very low opinion of Americans and know very little about this country. What makes you an expert on this topic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your brother is an ungrateful asshole, and it's telling that "you can see his point of view". your parents made many mistakes, most obviously, invest so heavily in their oldest children at the expense of their younger children, and also, by misunderstanding education at american schools. you would have been better off studying medicine in india and then coming to the US.

When poor people become lower middle class and want to educate their children, they are not very aware of educational pathways or how to plan financially. Poverty in India is different from poverty in US. OP's father have achieved a lot by educating his kids in the first place because that is unussual in India. Free and quality K-12 educatuon like in the US is not available to the majority of children and where it is available the aim is to make student literate not educated.

OP, it is not fun to be poor and this kind of chronic scarcity you and your family are undergoing can make you become negative and depressed. You and your family need to sit together and work out a budget and get a fair idea of what the true financial picture is. You have to help and pay at least the money spent on you (the loan and interest) back to your parents before you can think of walking away. The same must be shared with your sibling who is feeling tremendous stress.

Look for loan forgiveness plan as well as start a GoFundMe if you need to. Fundraise, ask for charity and loan forgiveness. There is a way out of this darkness but your siblings have to be educated to stand on their own two feet

OP's father was a government worker so he himself must have been educated. he evidently knew about education to pick up a private school in britain for his kids. what he did not know is that americans go to college for reasons that are entirely different from the rest of the world (and that will change eventually, and painfully).

Enlighten me. DH and I went to medical school because, I dunno, you cannot practice medicine without an education in America. Why is our reason any different from kids who go to college in Scandinavia?

a vast majority of kids in the USA go to college to have fun and pursue entirely useless degrees. only very few become doctors. your case is not at all typical.

Lol. You're a complete idiot. Wow. You obviously have a very low opinion of Americans and know very little about this country. What makes you an expert on this topic?

Components of this thread are disturbing. Nothing from OP, but the idea that a college degree is wasteful if you're not becoming a doctor, lawyer, etc. There are people that go to school and enter the workforce with the idea of changing the world and contributing to society despite the fact they will spend money for a degree and not spend their life making buckets of money in return. Teachers are very good examples--many of whom have masters degrees and walk knowingly into thankless jobs. You'll be very thankful one day for the people that have taken these roles in life--the EMT that saves your life, the teacher that educates your child.

You know what? I'm grateful for the doctors that kept me from dying before I grew up. I'm grateful for the lawyer that helped me end an abusive marriage. That is irrelevant to the question of whether or not OP should look for a better paying job to help repay the debt her father took on for her education. It is also irrelevant to whether or not her siblings will be afforded the same opportunity she has.

You're deflecting from what I posted. I certainly wasn't implying that lawyers and doctors don't also perform very important functions in our society. I am stating that many responses have an underlying tone of classism that disturbs me. From the poster that said the vast majority of American kids go to university to party to the other poster that said it's a disgrace to work in a non-profit if your parents paid for you to go to college. My post is relevant to the observations I'm sharing, regardless of whether they relate to OP's question. Obviously I wasn't responding to her question since I stated she didn't appear to be participating in the innuendos I'm referring to.

Come on. Many Americans go to party colleges. That type of college party culture, Greek system of fraternity / sorority, etc., is virtually unknown in the rest of the world.

[Anonymous]

Pp is either an ignoramus or a troll trying to bail American posters. Do not feed.

[Anonymous]

Regarding some of your parents' expectation: buying a house to someone deep in debt is a horrible idea.

I would be willing to contribute towards siblings education. But in a considered and properly calculated manner, not some 'Now we need $8k down payment tomorrow!' drama. Part of that is also discussing, together with your parents, what are the best education options that your family can afford. You father shouldn't just pick one school and then that is the single 'good education' possible, and you and your siblings have to finance it.

I would consider helping with dad's debts only if there is an actual realistic plan and payment schedule with those. Otherwise, you're just throwing money down the black hole, while dad won't be debt-free anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an Asian (Chinese American, not Indian American), I understand the familial obligation and sympathize. I think at a minimum, you owe your younger siblings an education like you got. Your parents sacrificed everything to get you out of poverty to a better life here in the US. You owe the younger siblings the same. If you don't make much working at a non-profit, I would take a second part-time job to make more money to send so that your siblings can get a decent enough education to get a similar push out of poverty as you had. After they graduate from school, they can give back by helping to support your parents in their old age. Another option is to consider working towards a better paying job than working in non-profit so that you make more money and can send more back.

That said, you should send what you can afford by cutting back on disposable income. Don't strip yourself of the ability to pay rent or necessities, but cutting out extraneous expenses or luxuries is the type of sacrifice that should be made.

I know that it is difficult to have such an obligation, but it really is not fair to abandon your parents and siblings just because you were oldest. It is definitely not the Asian mentality to abandon family like that. I'm sorry that you have that burden, but if I were in your shoes, I would not be able to sleep or enjoy any of the fruits of my income if I did not send what I could back to the family.

OP, I am sorry that you are dealing with this.

I think this PP has the right idea - get your siblings through high school. Let your parents know that is your priority.

Another thing to consider - any avenue to having your siblings come live with you and go to public high school here with an eye towards college scholarships. It doesn't sound like any of your siblings plan to live in India long-term. Siblings can work part-time while in high school and help with living expenses here and for your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding some of your parents' expectation: buying a house to someone deep in debt is a horrible idea.

I would be willing to contribute towards siblings education. But in a considered and properly calculated manner, not some 'Now we need $8k down payment tomorrow!' drama. Part of that is also discussing, together with your parents, what are the best education options that your family can afford. You father shouldn't just pick one school and then that is the single 'good education' possible, and you and your siblings have to finance it.

I would consider helping with dad's debts only if there is an actual realistic plan and payment schedule with those. Otherwise, you're just throwing money down the black hole, while dad won't be debt-free anyhow.

This thread is from 2019. I thought it was an update but it’s someone with advice for something that happened 3 years ago🤨

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding some of your parents' expectation: buying a house to someone deep in debt is a horrible idea.

I would be willing to contribute towards siblings education. But in a considered and properly calculated manner, not some 'Now we need $8k down payment tomorrow!' drama. Part of that is also discussing, together with your parents, what are the best education options that your family can afford. You father shouldn't just pick one school and then that is the single 'good education' possible, and you and your siblings have to finance it.

I would consider helping with dad's debts only if there is an actual realistic plan and payment schedule with those. Otherwise, you're just throwing money down the black hole, while dad won't be debt-free anyhow.

This thread is from 2019. I thought it was an update but it’s someone with advice for something that happened 3 years ago🤨

How do they even find these thread?