Family in a financial mess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

OP's parents are not living a lavish lifestyle. They've sacrificed everything including their own retirement just to put their kids into good schools in foreign countries and helping their children make it to the US. They sacrificed everything in the world including their own security to ensure that their first two children can have a better life than they had. And they are tapped out for their last two children. OP and her brother owe it to the family to help put the younger two children through school and college. After that, they can leave supporting their parents in their deserved retirement up to the younger two.

PP says that OP and her brother need to give some hard love to the parents about making smarter financial decisions. If they were to make "smarter" financial decisions, then OP and her brother would be working low or middle class jobs in India without any potential for a better life for them or their children. That's how families stay in poverty for generations. OP's parents made the decision to break the cycle of poverty and help push their children out and up. The older siblings can turn their backs on their family or they can help pull the younger siblings with them so that all the children can give their children a better future. That's the Asian way. You clearly do not understand it.

You are not braking the cycle of poverty of you are overwhelmed with debt , have no retirement and cannot afford to educate the kids you decided to have.
Maybe YOU don't understand that. There's a difference between helping out and giving back and impoverishing your self to the detriment of your future and the future of your kiddos to pay some debt you did not incur and therefore guaranteeing then your kids will have to take care of you totally and fully and can't save for their future .
it's a dysfunctional cycle. It's not a question of culture it's just a question of math and commonsense. And I say all this when I believe and do support family give back a cyst but if you don't have it what is she supposed to pull a rabbit out of her head bankrupt her own family that makes no sense and thats's not building generational wealth it's robbing Peter to pay Paul .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

OP's parents are not living a lavish lifestyle. They've sacrificed everything including their own retirement just to put their kids into good schools in foreign countries and helping their children make it to the US. They sacrificed everything in the world including their own security to ensure that their first two children can have a better life than they had. And they are tapped out for their last two children. OP and her brother owe it to the family to help put the younger two children through school and college. After that, they can leave supporting their parents in their deserved retirement up to the younger two.

PP says that OP and her brother need to give some hard love to the parents about making smarter financial decisions. If they were to make "smarter" financial decisions, then OP and her brother would be working low or middle class jobs in India without any potential for a better life for them or their children. That's how families stay in poverty for generations. OP's parents made the decision to break the cycle of poverty and help push their children out and up. The older siblings can turn their backs on their family or they can help pull the younger siblings with them so that all the children can give their children a better future. That's the Asian way. You clearly do not understand it.

+1 just that OP’s parents didn’t realize OP would get ideas from the other wealthy peers she hung round with. This reminds me of another exurban thread where the Indian American woman for the first time realized she wasn’t rich because her parents didn’t earn that much but were diplomats and she ended up marrying a not wealthy man and she wouldn’t have the life her wealthy classmates have. These people have sacrificed everything for OP and their brother, OP doesn’t get to take a low paying non profit job and say tough luck. She can do it later once she’s helped her brother and sisters.

What universe do some of you people live in? Number one everybody takes a nonprofit job is not some Kardashian n what universe do some of you people live in? Number one everybody takes a nonprofit job is not some Kardashian, Trust fund baby .
And do you think the people just go out here and say I want to job that makes X amount of dollars and they just go and get it like they going to the mall shopping for high-paying jobs won't you tell that to all the people who are further from the and do you think the people just go out here and say I want to job that makes eczema dollars and they just go and get it like they going to the mall shopping for high-paying jobs want you tell that to all the people were furloughed from the federal government. There are a lot of people just like apiece family come from lower middle-class working-class blue-collar families and parents and families sacrificed a lot but to think that it's necessarily some kind of honor to keep making bad financial decisions things do you think you cannot there are a lot of people just like OP's family come from lower middle-class , working-class blue-collar families with parents and families who sacrificed a lot but to think that it's necessarily some kind of honor to keep making bad financial decisions, accruing things you cannot afford and then obligate your kids to then pay for them in the future that's unrealistic and untenable .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to use the good education you got to get a higher paying job. You don’t have the luxury of working at a non profit like a trust fund kid. This has been how it is for immigrant families forever. That’s why all the children become doctors lawyers and mbas. Hate the harsh truth OP. Use your elite connections you have made and go get a high paying job.

What bulls**** is this??
OP has a right to work and create a life that she enjoys that she finds peaceful that she finds purposeful .
Yes we all should help our families in the ways that we can but we do not have to carve out a life that is primarily just rescuing people who make bad financial decisions .
At some point, we need to let our kids have their own lives and damn sure they are not obligated to completely finance the future of OTHER kids I brought into the world . Help, assistance and support are one thing, but it's not her obligation to sustain her entire family. She might as well have stayed poor.
And by the way PP not everybody wants to be an MBA or a doctor or a lawyer there are 1 million myriad careers and job path that everybody has a right to choose for themselves .

That’s a very American way of thinking. OP comes from an Asian immigrant background whose father has scrificed everything not for her to behave like a trust fund girl. That’s how generations of immigrants pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. OP and her brother have an obligation to their family. Simply she doesn’t have the luxury to ape her rich peers, fullstop.

WTH !
Everybody who works at a nonprofit I know they have a trust fund baby .
You do realize that there are people who are immigrants who scrape and work themselves out a pa you do realize that there are people who are immigrants scrape and work themselves out of poverty. You do realize that right ?
Foolish, ridiculous, dumb ass futile way of thinking and behaving for every generation to try and bankrupt themselves to finance the prior generation .
You provide assistance support help in the ways that you can while you are still building your future so your damn kids don't have to support you.
You help your parents in the ways that you can teach your siblings and your relatives to make smarter financial decisions so everybody's not going into debt so everybody else and have to bail them out .
What you're talking about is not family help or support what you're talking about is honestly a poverty mentality . It's a ghetto a** way of thinking that is not helpful .

OP's parents are not living a lavish lifestyle. They've sacrificed everything including their own retirement just to put their kids into good schools in foreign countries and helping their children make it to the US. They sacrificed everything in the world including their own security to ensure that their first two children can have a better life than they had. And they are tapped out for their last two children. OP and her brother owe it to the family to help put the younger two children through school and college. After that, they can leave supporting their parents in their deserved retirement up to the younger two.

PP says that OP and her brother need to give some hard love to the parents about making smarter financial decisions. If they were to make "smarter" financial decisions, then OP and her brother would be working low or middle class jobs in India without any potential for a better life for them or their children. That's how families stay in poverty for generations. OP's parents made the decision to break the cycle of poverty and help push their children out and up. The older siblings can turn their backs on their family or they can help pull the younger siblings with them so that all the children can give their children a better future. That's the Asian way. You clearly do not understand it.

No, I do understand it, but the fact remains there is not enough money. OP should try to earn more, even if it means changing careers, but that won't happen overnight. And even if she did, she will need to afford her own kids and her dad will eventually retire. So everyone in the family needs to get real about money.

[Anonymous]

PP, you are incoherent. Voice to text is not your friend.

[Anonymous]

Prior pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you are incoherent. Voice to text is not your friend.

Not voice text
D phone that goes nuts
Need to stick to laptop.

[Anonymous]

Why would you waste money on private school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you are incoherent. Voice to text is not your friend.

Not voice text
D phone that goes nuts
Need to stick to laptop.

It is more just the crazy nonsensical ranting that is an issue

[Anonymous]

Non profit, that's not the proper job for a child of someone who sacrificed everything , you should take up stem, doctor or lawyer to make money or plan to marry rich man if you are not ugly. op is a disgrace.

[Anonymous]

OP, trying to think outside the box...can your youngest sibling come live with you and take advantage of public school here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really tough.

I'm going to buck what many others on this board might say. I don't believe in obligation. I've seen it become toxic and drown all members of a family.

It's up to you whether you feel like helping your younger sibling with school fees and whether/how much of that is affordable to you. When you were a child, you did not make your parents' financial decisions for them. As a minor you probably did not select the schools you attended, and you might have done equally well/been equally happy at other schools. You were not in control of your parents' income, their interest rates, or the number of children they raised. I also believe that gifts should be exactly that, gifts. Anything given with the expectation of a future return is a business deal or a contract. When your parents gave you the gift of an education, you were too young to enter into a contract to agree to pay for a sibling's education or their retirement.

To the extent that you do want to freely help your family members, it's reasonable to say that you are worried for their retirement as well as your own future financial stability and ability to help your children as they once helped you. As such, you would like to make investments of principle now so as to be better able to meet everyone's needs in the future.

That kind of sounds like "I got mine, F-you". You are free to feel that way, but don't try to spin it as concern for anyone's well-being except your own.

Nah. I agree with the first PP.

You aren't "getting yours" if you did not ask for it. OP didn't choose the schools, the education, the money spent. Her parents made that choice.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help out. I, personally, would feel terrible to not give something. But, I would not do it at the expense of my own savings, family. I just wouldn't. I would sit down and find out what you need and what you can reasonably give them. And then I'd do that. And nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really tough.

I'm going to buck what many others on this board might say. I don't believe in obligation. I've seen it become toxic and drown all members of a family.

It's up to you whether you feel like helping your younger sibling with school fees and whether/how much of that is affordable to you. When you were a child, you did not make your parents' financial decisions for them. As a minor you probably did not select the schools you attended, and you might have done equally well/been equally happy at other schools. You were not in control of your parents' income, their interest rates, or the number of children they raised. I also believe that gifts should be exactly that, gifts. Anything given with the expectation of a future return is a business deal or a contract. When your parents gave you the gift of an education, you were too young to enter into a contract to agree to pay for a sibling's education or their retirement.

To the extent that you do want to freely help your family members, it's reasonable to say that you are worried for their retirement as well as your own future financial stability and ability to help your children as they once helped you. As such, you would like to make investments of principle now so as to be better able to meet everyone's needs in the future.

That kind of sounds like "I got mine, F-you". You are free to feel that way, but don't try to spin it as concern for anyone's well-being except your own.

Nah. I agree with the first PP.

You aren't "getting yours" if you did not ask for it. OP didn't choose the schools, the education, the money spent. Her parents made that choice.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help out. I, personally, would feel terrible to not give something. But, I would not do it at the expense of my own savings, family. I just wouldn't. I would sit down and find out what you need and what you can reasonably give them. And then I'd do that. And nothing more.

And, no, she does NOT have to pick a career based solely on the money needed to support her parents. That is the DUMBEST thing I've ever read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really tough.

I'm going to buck what many others on this board might say. I don't believe in obligation. I've seen it become toxic and drown all members of a family.

It's up to you whether you feel like helping your younger sibling with school fees and whether/how much of that is affordable to you. When you were a child, you did not make your parents' financial decisions for them. As a minor you probably did not select the schools you attended, and you might have done equally well/been equally happy at other schools. You were not in control of your parents' income, their interest rates, or the number of children they raised. I also believe that gifts should be exactly that, gifts. Anything given with the expectation of a future return is a business deal or a contract. When your parents gave you the gift of an education, you were too young to enter into a contract to agree to pay for a sibling's education or their retirement.

To the extent that you do want to freely help your family members, it's reasonable to say that you are worried for their retirement as well as your own future financial stability and ability to help your children as they once helped you. As such, you would like to make investments of principle now so as to be better able to meet everyone's needs in the future.

That kind of sounds like "I got mine, F-you". You are free to feel that way, but don't try to spin it as concern for anyone's well-being except your own.

Nah. I agree with the first PP.

You aren't "getting yours" if you did not ask for it. OP didn't choose the schools, the education, the money spent. Her parents made that choice.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help out. I, personally, would feel terrible to not give something. But, I would not do it at the expense of my own savings, family. I just wouldn't. I would sit down and find out what you need and what you can reasonably give them. And then I'd do that. And nothing more.

And, no, she does NOT have to pick a career based solely on the money needed to support her parents. That is the DUMBEST thing I've ever read.

No she doesn’t. But seems like she’s used to the choices or lifestyles that most of her other wealthy classmates that went to her schools did. The trick for first generation immigrants that go to these elite colleges is that these schools teach you the social “niceties” for you to blend in with the right people that you may not have had exposure to prior. Then you actually get a job that raise your socioeconomic status, or maybe in OP’s case marry a rich man. This isn’t only about OP supporting her family and their dreams, but OP being in for a rude shock when she starts her own family later. Sure there is a limit to how much you can help your family but she is already shooting herself in the foot from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really tough.

I'm going to buck what many others on this board might say. I don't believe in obligation. I've seen it become toxic and drown all members of a family.

It's up to you whether you feel like helping your younger sibling with school fees and whether/how much of that is affordable to you. When you were a child, you did not make your parents' financial decisions for them. As a minor you probably did not select the schools you attended, and you might have done equally well/been equally happy at other schools. You were not in control of your parents' income, their interest rates, or the number of children they raised. I also believe that gifts should be exactly that, gifts. Anything given with the expectation of a future return is a business deal or a contract. When your parents gave you the gift of an education, you were too young to enter into a contract to agree to pay for a sibling's education or their retirement.

To the extent that you do want to freely help your family members, it's reasonable to say that you are worried for their retirement as well as your own future financial stability and ability to help your children as they once helped you. As such, you would like to make investments of principle now so as to be better able to meet everyone's needs in the future.

That kind of sounds like "I got mine, F-you". You are free to feel that way, but don't try to spin it as concern for anyone's well-being except your own.

Nah. I agree with the first PP.

You aren't "getting yours" if you did not ask for it. OP didn't choose the schools, the education, the money spent. Her parents made that choice.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help out. I, personally, would feel terrible to not give something. But, I would not do it at the expense of my own savings, family. I just wouldn't. I would sit down and find out what you need and what you can reasonably give them. And then I'd do that. And nothing more.

Didn’t see OP complaining when she went to these schools. The norm for her would have been not to get an education at all and be married off early or gotten a cheap education in India. To be so non aware of your family’s finances and that it was a privilege for her to go is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really tough.

I'm going to buck what many others on this board might say. I don't believe in obligation. I've seen it become toxic and drown all members of a family.

It's up to you whether you feel like helping your younger sibling with school fees and whether/how much of that is affordable to you. When you were a child, you did not make your parents' financial decisions for them. As a minor you probably did not select the schools you attended, and you might have done equally well/been equally happy at other schools. You were not in control of your parents' income, their interest rates, or the number of children they raised. I also believe that gifts should be exactly that, gifts. Anything given with the expectation of a future return is a business deal or a contract. When your parents gave you the gift of an education, you were too young to enter into a contract to agree to pay for a sibling's education or their retirement.

To the extent that you do want to freely help your family members, it's reasonable to say that you are worried for their retirement as well as your own future financial stability and ability to help your children as they once helped you. As such, you would like to make investments of principle now so as to be better able to meet everyone's needs in the future.

That kind of sounds like "I got mine, F-you". You are free to feel that way, but don't try to spin it as concern for anyone's well-being except your own.

Nah. I agree with the first PP.

You aren't "getting yours" if you did not ask for it. OP didn't choose the schools, the education, the money spent. Her parents made that choice.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help out. I, personally, would feel terrible to not give something. But, I would not do it at the expense of my own savings, family. I just wouldn't. I would sit down and find out what you need and what you can reasonably give them. And then I'd do that. And nothing more.

And, no, she does NOT have to pick a career based solely on the money needed to support her parents. That is the DUMBEST thing I've ever read.

No she doesn’t. But seems like she’s used to the choices or lifestyles that most of her other wealthy classmates that went to her schools did. The trick for first generation immigrants that go to these elite colleges is that these schools teach you the social “niceties” for you to blend in with the right people that you may not have had exposure to prior. Then you actually get a job that raise your socioeconomic status, or maybe in OP’s case marry a rich man. This isn’t only about OP supporting her family and their dreams, but OP being in for a rude shock when she starts her own family later. Sure there is a limit to how much you can help your family but she is already shooting herself in the foot from the start.

You know you sound crazy, right??
Lotttsss of middle ground between elite and middle class. You just assume OPeent to school with Ivanka, calm your a** down.