MIL is always telling us to dress our 10 month old "as a girl" ... when do we say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

Let's keep the comparison equivalent here. I have one of each. The baby boy wore a pair of his sister's old leggings to daycare this morning. My DD wore pants from the boys section too when she was a baby. So yes, I would buy pants from either section and will shop based on cut etc more than whether it's marketed for a boy or a girl.

My DD who is now 3 adores PINK, so yeah, she is currently wearing a lot of that. The pants I bought her from the boys section do not seem to have confused her at all. She sees them as "pants".

OP here -- and yes, I agree that we need to keep the comparison equivalent. I try to be flexible in what I buy for my daughter, but I don't buy clothes that very clearly proclaim the child is a boy. Ex: onesies that say "little dude." If I had a boy, I'd be totally ok getting him a pink, flowery onesie, or one with a picture of minnie mouse, but probably wouldn't get him a dress. So I guess you can get upset at me for not having 100% flexibility.

That said, the only limitation we are going to impose, toys-wise, is not allowing violent toys (no guns, no violent games). And if our daughter wants to wear a man's suit when she's older, more power to her.

[Anonymous]

I'm of Scottish heritage. If I had a boy I'd totally put him in a kilt. Does that mean I have permission to put my daughter in pants now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

You can comment as many times as you want in this line of arguing, you still sound like a freaking wingnut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does MIL object to anything that isn't a dress or does she just think that dressing your girl in a "TRUCKS ROCK!" shirt and pants makes her look like a boy? How "boylike" was the T shirt?

Honestly I can't tell if most babies are boys or girls and do rely on the clothing. baby hair rarely helps, assuming they even have hair.

But why does it matter if you can tell? Would you honestly treat an infant differently if you knew they were a boy vs. a girl? What would that even look like?

[Anonymous]

As a mom to a son, I totally get where mil is coming from. Boys clothes are so boring and limited, you bet if we end up with a girl she'll be wearing tons of pink and dresses. Boys can not wear that kind of stuff and it's just boring buying sweat pants and dinosaur t-shirts all the time.

[Anonymous]

Dresses are a pain for buckling car seats and make it hard for infants to crawl. Grandma needs to STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Right. And I hope you do, too, OP. May there be a lot of pink sparkles and twirls in your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Not at all. I really want her to feel like she can be whatever she wants to be.

Oh, for pete freakin' sakes.

I'm going to give you a pass, OP, because you're obviously a new parent with a lot to learn.

What if she wants to grow up to be a murdering psychopath?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Right. And I hope you do, too, OP. May there be a lot of pink sparkles and twirls in your future.

LOL -- I never said I'd have a problem with her being "girly." I said I want to make sure she knows she has CHOICES.

I love dresses. I also love star wars, football, and baseball.

For you to 1) assume I have some problem with people being "girly," and 2) then go ahead and wish something on me that you think will make me uncomfortable, is just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Not at all. I really want her to feel like she can be whatever she wants to be.

Oh, for pete freakin' sakes.

I'm going to give you a pass, OP, because you're obviously a new parent with a lot to learn.

What if she wants to grow up to be a murdering psychopath?

And I'm going to assume that you usually are a reasonable person who doesn't take people's comments to ridiculous endpoints.

Obviously I don't want her to be a murdering psychopath.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Not at all. I really want her to feel like she can be whatever she wants to be.

Oh, for pete freakin' sakes.

I'm going to give you a pass, OP, because you're obviously a new parent with a lot to learn.

What if she wants to grow up to be a murdering psychopath?

Riiiiiiight, because allowing a child to choose how they dress is the same as approving of them committing murder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Not at all. I really want her to feel like she can be whatever she wants to be.

Oh, for pete freakin' sakes.

I'm going to give you a pass, OP, because you're obviously a new parent with a lot to learn.

What if she wants to grow up to be a murdering psychopath?

And I'm going to assume that you usually are a reasonable person who doesn't take people's comments to ridiculous endpoints.

Obviously I don't want her to be a murdering psychopath.

Why is that obvious? Your exact words are, "I really want her to feel like she can be whatever she wants to be.'"

You will learn, OP, that the definition of being a good parent is providing guidance. Children want to be all sorts of crazy things, at one point or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

Edit every comment and gift? Sorry it's annoying that I want my kid to have choices. I don't care what the hell you get my kid as long as it doesn't propagate violence.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Bigger hills to die on.