MIL is always telling us to dress our 10 month old "as a girl" ... when do we say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my, this thread has jumped the shark. Time to walk away, OP.

Seriously. This turned into quite the sh*tshow.

And yet, you're still here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

Edit every comment and gift? Sorry it's annoying that I want my kid to have choices. I don't care what the hell you get my kid as long as it doesn't propagate violence.

You can't get the girl anything pink or sparkly, nothing to do with dolls or clothes or princesses or fairytales. You can't say she's cute or pretty or adorable. It's exhausting. Chill the fuck out OP because in all honesty no one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

Edit every comment and gift? Sorry it's annoying that I want my kid to have choices. I don't care what the hell you get my kid as long as it doesn't propagate violence.

You can't get the girl anything pink or sparkly, nothing to do with dolls or clothes or princesses or fairytales. You can't say she's cute or pretty or adorable. It's exhausting. Chill the fuck out OP because in all honesty no one cares.

No, people like you are exhausting. OP never said that pink was verboten, just that sometimes she buys dinosaur pants in the boys' department. Your hangups about gender are your issue.

And clearly people like you care. A lot. You are really invested in enforcing gender norms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does MIL object to anything that isn't a dress or does she just think that dressing your girl in a "TRUCKS ROCK!" shirt and pants makes her look like a boy? How "boylike" was the T shirt?

Honestly I can't tell if most babies are boys or girls and do rely on the clothing. baby hair rarely helps, assuming they even have hair.

But why does it matter if you can tell? Would you honestly treat an infant differently if you knew they were a boy vs. a girl? What would that even look like?

I don't care. Just don't get mad if I say "he" instead of "she" about your baby. That is how it is different. I can't go around calling all babies "it" though I would prefer that. That would offend many people too. You can't win on this stuff.

Op is dressing child neutrally--fine. But gets mad when MIL says "now she looks like a girl!" When in a dress. It is very possible the baby did look like a boy and grandma is just enjoying the frills and her only granddaughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

You're talking to multiple people here - what do you mean by "dress well" then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

Edit every comment and gift? Sorry it's annoying that I want my kid to have choices. I don't care what the hell you get my kid as long as it doesn't propagate violence.

You can't get the girl anything pink or sparkly, nothing to do with dolls or clothes or princesses or fairytales. You can't say she's cute or pretty or adorable. It's exhausting. Chill the fuck out OP because in all honesty no one cares.

No, people like you are exhausting. OP never said that pink was verboten, just that sometimes she buys dinosaur pants in the boys' department. Your hangups about gender are your issue.

And clearly people like you care. A lot. You are really invested in enforcing gender norms.

Thank you. Like I said in the OP, she has dolls, dresses, all sorts of stereotypically girly things. Hell, she has a freaking fairy thing on her bookshelf. She also has a stuffed monkey in a spacesuit and some clothes from the boys section.

I'm sorry your friend puts tons of restrictions on what you can get her kid. That's not what I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

The amount of internalized misogyny and acceptance of machoism on this thread is disappointing, yet predictable. Putting a baby in clothing of any type, color, or ruffle volume will not harm them, confuse them, or other otherwise effect them. The projection of gender stereotypes that are know to be harmful throughout life, on the other hand, will harm both your child and those around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of internalized misogyny and acceptance of machoism on this thread is disappointing, yet predictable. Putting a baby in clothing of any type, color, or ruffle volume will not harm them, confuse them, or other otherwise effect them. The projection of gender stereotypes that are know to be harmful throughout life, on the other hand, will harm both your child and those around them.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

DP. I don't get it either. If PP's comment about dressing well doesn't mean fashion, but also doesn't mean dressing in pants, what does it mean?

Anyway, whatever. Many girls in the 70s and 80s wore their brothers' jeans. Most of them survived and turned out to be fine women. If you think clothes are going to give a kid a complex, focus on the ridiculously tight leggings and short shorts that are sold even in the toddler girls' section. I have a 4 year old boy and a 6 month old girl and I saved the boy's shorts and pants for this reason. I can't get jeggings on my baby, even if I wanted her to look like a fat stuffed sausage, but my son's old pants fit her just fine. Plain jeans plus a pretty top and she looks cute enough. The times people have mistaken her for a boy, she was wearing pink, so go figure.

Also, as long as we're talking personal anecdotes, my mom has zero sense of style and dressed us pretty horribly. A truly awful plaid vest comes to mind -- well past the era of plaid (1995 and I was 15). My sister and I both managed to turn into decently dressed, well-adjusted, successful, happy women, once we were allowed to choose our own clothes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of internalized misogyny and acceptance of machoism on this thread is disappointing, yet predictable. Putting a baby in clothing of any type, color, or ruffle volume will not harm them, confuse them, or other otherwise effect them. The projection of gender stereotypes that are know to be harmful throughout life, on the other hand, will harm both your child and those around them.

It's "affect," smarty-pants, not "effect."

I guess this is what your meaningless degree in Women's Gender Studies taught you.

[Anonymous]

If your MIL lives 2000 miles away, I'd ignore this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of internalized misogyny and acceptance of machoism on this thread is disappointing, yet predictable. Putting a baby in clothing of any type, color, or ruffle volume will not harm them, confuse them, or other otherwise effect them. The projection of gender stereotypes that are know to be harmful throughout life, on the other hand, will harm both your child and those around them.

It's "affect," smarty-pants, not "effect."

I guess this is what your meaningless degree in Women's Gender Studies taught you.

You're really pretty angry. What do you have against women's gender studies?