MIL is always telling us to dress our 10 month old "as a girl" ... when do we say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I finally told MIL to cut it out recently after she would routinely comment on DD "acting like a boy" or "playing rough like a boy." I hit my limit one day when DD (almost 3 y/o) was pretending to "shoot" something and MIL told her "only boys play with guns." I said, "actually, NOBODY should be playing with guns, we don't play guns at home or at school because guns are very dangerous, DD. And MIL we need to stop with this 'like a boy' stuff because I don't like it and I don't want her to think she is limited from doing anything because she's not a boy.'" She hasn't said anything since.

As background, MIL and I engaged in a lengthy, very passive-aggressive (on her part) debate over pierced ears when DD was a baby. I don't know if that's pertinent here, but it kind of colored how I view MIL's gender-related commentary on DD because she was so insistent we piece DD's ears so she would "look like a girl." It was ridiculous.

You sound exhausting. I'm glad I have a sane DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I finally told MIL to cut it out recently after she would routinely comment on DD "acting like a boy" or "playing rough like a boy." I hit my limit one day when DD (almost 3 y/o) was pretending to "shoot" something and MIL told her "only boys play with guns." I said, "actually, NOBODY should be playing with guns, we don't play guns at home or at school because guns are very dangerous, DD. And MIL we need to stop with this 'like a boy' stuff because I don't like it and I don't want her to think she is limited from doing anything because she's not a boy.'" She hasn't said anything since.

As background, MIL and I engaged in a lengthy, very passive-aggressive (on her part) debate over pierced ears when DD was a baby. I don't know if that's pertinent here, but it kind of colored how I view MIL's gender-related commentary on DD because she was so insistent we piece DD's ears so she would "look like a girl." It was ridiculous.

You sound exhausting. I'm glad I have a sane DIL.

So you think it's alright to say "only boys play with guns" and insist that your DIL pierce her girl's ears?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

You're talking to multiple people here - what do you mean by "dress well" then?

Appropriately for any given event, tastefully, attractively. This has little to do with the latest designer trends PP has no interest in. She claims to be a successful professional, so having to explain the importance of visual impressions to a successful individual seems strange.

Girls are not born knowing how to be successful women. They don't acquire this knowledge through osmosis. You can waste your time complaining about inherent misogyny of the society favoring likable and visually appealing individuals. Or you can help your daughter embrace her womanhood and build a fulfilling life for herself instead of looking like a mad scientist who will be doomed to raise cats in her 40s. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I finally told MIL to cut it out recently after she would routinely comment on DD "acting like a boy" or "playing rough like a boy." I hit my limit one day when DD (almost 3 y/o) was pretending to "shoot" something and MIL told her "only boys play with guns." I said, "actually, NOBODY should be playing with guns, we don't play guns at home or at school because guns are very dangerous, DD. And MIL we need to stop with this 'like a boy' stuff because I don't like it and I don't want her to think she is limited from doing anything because she's not a boy.'" She hasn't said anything since.

As background, MIL and I engaged in a lengthy, very passive-aggressive (on her part) debate over pierced ears when DD was a baby. I don't know if that's pertinent here, but it kind of colored how I view MIL's gender-related commentary on DD because she was so insistent we piece DD's ears so she would "look like a girl." It was ridiculous.

You sound exhausting. I'm glad I have a sane DIL.

So you think it's alright to say "only boys play with guns" and insist that your DIL pierce her girl's ears?

NP. It's not alright to play with guns. Unless you're a liberal. Sorry, can't help myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of internalized misogyny and acceptance of machoism on this thread is disappointing, yet predictable. Putting a baby in clothing of any type, color, or ruffle volume will not harm them, confuse them, or other otherwise effect them. The projection of gender stereotypes that are know to be harmful throughout life, on the other hand, will harm both your child and those around them.

It's "affect," smarty-pants, not "effect."

I guess this is what your meaningless degree in Women's Gender Studies taught you.

You're really pretty angry. What do you have against women's gender studies?

DP. Not me. Billions of years of life on planet Earth are against WGS. Plus, it didn't teach you English.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

You're talking to multiple people here - what do you mean by "dress well" then?

Appropriately for any given event, tastefully, attractively. This has little to do with the latest designer trends PP has no interest in. She claims to be a successful professional, so having to explain the importance of visual impressions to a successful individual seems strange.

Girls are not born knowing how to be successful women. They don't acquire this knowledge through osmosis. You can waste your time complaining about inherent misogyny of the society favoring likable and visually appealing individuals. Or you can help your daughter embrace her womanhood and build a fulfilling life for herself instead of looking like a mad scientist who will be doomed to raise cats in her 40s. Your choice.

LOL -- So me buying my baby some clothes and toys from the boys section, and planning to encourage her to be herself means I'm going to prevent her from building a fulfilling life and doom her to "look like a mad scientist" who will raise cats into her 40s? If you don't "embrace your womenhood" (whatever that means), that means you won't be successful?

I don't wear makeup, really ever. It's just not my thing. Neither does my mom. She's a successful lawyer. I'm working my dream job with a successful husband I love. Assuming you think not wearing makeup means not "embracing your womanhood," how do you square my life with your theory?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

You're talking to multiple people here - what do you mean by "dress well" then?

Appropriately for any given event, tastefully, attractively. This has little to do with the latest designer trends PP has no interest in. She claims to be a successful professional, so having to explain the importance of visual impressions to a successful individual seems strange.

Girls are not born knowing how to be successful women. They don't acquire this knowledge through osmosis. You can waste your time complaining about inherent misogyny of the society favoring likable and visually appealing individuals. Or you can help your daughter embrace her womanhood and build a fulfilling life for herself instead of looking like a mad scientist who will be doomed to raise cats in her 40s. Your choice.

What the everloving f*** does that have to do with putting a baby in pants sometimes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

You can comment as many times as you want in this line of arguing, you still sound like a freaking wingnut.

I'm a feminist, have child of each sex and kind of agree with the pp. My DCs are older, but people like the op try too hard. Play the long game in parenting. Raise your DCs in a secure environment, surrounded by lots of accomplished women and at the end of the day whether they pants or dresses at 10 months is irrelevant. As a mother it is my job to model being an independent and strong woman. I don't consider clothes buying to be part of that.

[Anonymous]

Oh, the DCUM troll who lives in his mother's basement and comes here to spread his misogyny has arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

You can comment as many times as you want in this line of arguing, you still sound like a freaking wingnut.

I'm a feminist, have child of each sex and kind of agree with the pp. My DCs are older, but people like the op try too hard. Play the long game in parenting. Raise your DCs in a secure environment, surrounded by lots of accomplished women and at the end of the day whether they pants or dresses at 10 months is irrelevant. As a mother it is my job to model being an independent and strong woman. I don't consider clothes buying to be part of that.

And how do you not think I'm raising my daughter in a secure environment, surrounded by lots of accomplished women? It takes 5 minutes to go pick out some cute clothes, whether from the boys or girls section. I'm not expending a ton of effort here.

[Anonymous]

You're fighting a valiant fight, OP, but don't feed the troll. It's not nearly as satisfying, but you have to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

You're talking to multiple people here - what do you mean by "dress well" then?

Appropriately for any given event, tastefully, attractively. This has little to do with the latest designer trends PP has no interest in. She claims to be a successful professional, so having to explain the importance of visual impressions to a successful individual seems strange.

Girls are not born knowing how to be successful women. They don't acquire this knowledge through osmosis. You can waste your time complaining about inherent misogyny of the society favoring likable and visually appealing individuals. Or you can help your daughter embrace her womanhood and build a fulfilling life for herself instead of looking like a mad scientist who will be doomed to raise cats in her 40s. Your choice.

Melania, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I finally told MIL to cut it out recently after she would routinely comment on DD "acting like a boy" or "playing rough like a boy." I hit my limit one day when DD (almost 3 y/o) was pretending to "shoot" something and MIL told her "only boys play with guns." I said, "actually, NOBODY should be playing with guns, we don't play guns at home or at school because guns are very dangerous, DD. And MIL we need to stop with this 'like a boy' stuff because I don't like it and I don't want her to think she is limited from doing anything because she's not a boy.'" She hasn't said anything since.

As background, MIL and I engaged in a lengthy, very passive-aggressive (on her part) debate over pierced ears when DD was a baby. I don't know if that's pertinent here, but it kind of colored how I view MIL's gender-related commentary on DD because she was so insistent we piece DD's ears so she would "look like a girl." It was ridiculous.

You sound exhausting. I'm glad I have a sane DIL.

So you think it's alright to say "only boys play with guns" and insist that your DIL pierce her girl's ears?

No. But I don't think it requires a lecture.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked by this discussion.

OP, I get you because my mom is the same way. I have two boys and she is constantly saying things like "that's right, boys wear blue and clothes they can dirty in. Right Larlo? Tell mommy to make sure you dress like a boy."

My boys do, in fact, dress like boys (whatever that means).

She also told me not to cuddle them too much or they'll end up "sissies". So yeah, that's fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by this discussion.

OP, I get you because my mom is the same way. I have two boys and she is constantly saying things like "that's right, boys wear blue and clothes they can dirty in. Right Larlo? Tell mommy to make sure you dress like a boy."

My boys do, in fact, dress like boys (whatever that means).

She also told me not to cuddle them too much or they'll end up "sissies". So yeah, that's fun.

Don't be too shocked. It's a troll, trolls stir the pot for the sake of stirring the pot.