MIL is always telling us to dress our 10 month old "as a girl" ... when do we say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

How on Earth, would dressing a girl in shorts and t-shirts, confuse her?? That is just bizarre. My girls wear shorts and t-shirts all the time. They also wear dresses when they want. This in no way causes them any confusion. Hell, I wear jeans all the time and I'm not confused that I am indeed a girl. OP, isn't enforcing any gender beliefs on her kid. She's opening her DD up to both options. Sounds like she's willing to follow her DD's lead in regards to dress, once she's old enough to make her own choices.

+1. Also, my infant DD can't crawl around in dresses, they get caught under her knees and feet and trip her up so pants are way more practical.

[Anonymous]

She's excited for the girl and doesn't realize her comments are insensitive, just try to let it go. I also think it's a generational thing - my grandmother was one of the first to make a snark comment that my DS looked like a girl because I had him in a mint colored plain t-shirt, moccs, and his beautiful baby curled-hair was "too long".

My mom also faced comments when I was a baby and she preferred to dress me in blue overalls!

[Anonymous]

OP, I would have your DH say something to her once so she knows where you stand. Something like "Mom, right now she doesn't know what's going on, but we want to raise her to know she can be whatever she wants to be. That means she can play with trucks and dolls and wear whatever she wants when she's old enough to choose. So we'd appreciate it if you'd stop talking about her looking like a girl." Then after that just ignore it.

(Also obviously ignore the PPs who think you are "confusing" your infant by dressing her in pants and t-shirts instead of dresses. Christ!)

[Anonymous]

We occasionally dressed our preemie son in the girl clothes our family had given us prior to his birth when we all thought he was girl (so said the ultrasound technician) when all his boy clothes were in the wash. We didn't care, it was all one-piece suits of various colors, not frilly dresses.

The daycare people had a fit when my husband dropped off DS in a flowered onesie. One of the many red flags we should have paid attention to, in retrospect.

I suggest you look at MIL with a gimlet eye and say with exceeding firmness that girls are lucky in that they can wear anything they want. Not so boys!

[Anonymous]

Does MIL object to anything that isn't a dress or does she just think that dressing your girl in a "TRUCKS ROCK!" shirt and pants makes her look like a boy? How "boylike" was the T shirt?

Honestly I can't tell if most babies are boys or girls and do rely on the clothing. baby hair rarely helps, assuming they even have hair.

[Anonymous]

If your MIL is senile, ignore. If she's not, you say "She's a girl regardless of what she wears. Please stop making comments."

Also, I never put DD in dresses when she was in her crawling stage. She'd get her knees all tripped up in them. Least practical thing ever. Pants all the way for ease of movement and protecting her knees.

[Anonymous]

We have a mix of things as well - purchased and given. My DD has dinos and tutus, hair bows and Star Wars. My DH did say something to his mom when she refused to leave the house with us because I dressed our daughter like a boy and she was mortified. The offending outfit? A blue onsie that said "my aunt is awesome!" as we're heading to meet my SIL (MIL's DD) so she so she could meet her niece for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does MIL object to anything that isn't a dress or does she just think that dressing your girl in a "TRUCKS ROCK!" shirt and pants makes her look like a boy? How "boylike" was the T shirt?

Honestly I can't tell if most babies are boys or girls and do rely on the clothing. baby hair rarely helps, assuming they even have hair.

She makes comments about anything that isn't a dress or something pink, purple, or other "girly" colors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

How on Earth, would dressing a girl in shorts and t-shirts, confuse her?? That is just bizarre. My girls wear shorts and t-shirts all the time. They also wear dresses when they want. This in no way causes them any confusion. Hell, I wear jeans all the time and I'm not confused that I am indeed a girl. OP, isn't enforcing any gender beliefs on her kid. She's opening her DD up to both options. Sounds like she's willing to follow her DD's lead in regards to dress, once she's old enough to make her own choices.

+1. Also, my infant DD can't crawl around in dresses, they get caught under her knees and feet and trip her up so pants are way more practical.

This. Dresses make no sense at the crawling stage. The skirted rompers with crotch snaps are fine, but not long dresses that trip them up. I'm a feminist who hates pants (so uncomfortable!) and wears a lot of skirts and dresses, and now puts my toddler in dresses because she's got a big bottom and pants are near impossible to fit. Boys bottoms were all she could wear as a crawler because girl bottoms are cut to be skin tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore it unless MIL spends a huge amount of time with you. When your DD is older, you can consider addressing comments with a response like "both girls and boys can wear a dinosaur t-shirt".

But if she lives 2000 miles away, I wouldn't worry about this.

And maybe let MIL pick an outfit out for the baby here or there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

How on Earth, would dressing a girl in shorts and t-shirts, confuse her?? That is just bizarre. My girls wear shorts and t-shirts all the time. They also wear dresses when they want. This in no way causes them any confusion. Hell, I wear jeans all the time and I'm not confused that I am indeed a girl. OP, isn't enforcing any gender beliefs on her kid. She's opening her DD up to both options. Sounds like she's willing to follow her DD's lead in regards to dress, once she's old enough to make her own choices.

+1. Also, my infant DD can't crawl around in dresses, they get caught under her knees and feet and trip her up so pants are way more practical.

This. Dresses make no sense at the crawling stage. The skirted rompers with crotch snaps are fine, but not long dresses that trip them up. I'm a feminist who hates pants (so uncomfortable!) and wears a lot of skirts and dresses, and now puts my toddler in dresses because she's got a big bottom and pants are near impossible to fit. Boys bottoms were all she could wear as a crawler because girl bottoms are cut to be skin tight.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

What point are you making? That unless OP would dress a hypothetical boy in a dress, she's not allowed to dress her actual girl in pants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

How on Earth, would dressing a girl in shorts and t-shirts, confuse her?? That is just bizarre. My girls wear shorts and t-shirts all the time. They also wear dresses when they want. This in no way causes them any confusion. Hell, I wear jeans all the time and I'm not confused that I am indeed a girl. OP, isn't enforcing any gender beliefs on her kid. She's opening her DD up to both options. Sounds like she's willing to follow her DD's lead in regards to dress, once she's old enough to make her own choices.

+1. Also, my infant DD can't crawl around in dresses, they get caught under her knees and feet and trip her up so pants are way more practical.

This. Dresses make no sense at the crawling stage. The skirted rompers with crotch snaps are fine, but not long dresses that trip them up. I'm a feminist who hates pants (so uncomfortable!) and wears a lot of skirts and dresses, and now puts my toddler in dresses because she's got a big bottom and pants are near impossible to fit. Boys bottoms were all she could wear as a crawler because girl bottoms are cut to be skin tight.

Yup.

We don't put in her dresses that often because I agree they're impractical. Like I said above, MIL makes comments about anything that's not pink/purple/some other "girly" color.

Also, FWIW, I personally rarely wear pants too, just because they're uncomfortable and I can never find pants that fit me right. I wear skirts and dresses, with my hair in a ponytail and no makeup, haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Force my beliefs on her? Like I said in the OP, she has dresses, pants, skirts ... everything. So I'm supposed to say, "you know, those pants are cute, but they're in the 'boy' section, so I won't get them for her"? That's ridiculous to me.

If you had a boy, and you saw a cute dress in the girls department, would you get it for your son?

Let's keep the comparison equivalent here. I have one of each. The baby boy wore a pair of his sister's old leggings to daycare this morning. My DD wore pants from the boys section too when she was a baby. So yes, I would buy pants from either section and will shop based on cut etc more than whether it's marketed for a boy or a girl.

My DD who is now 3 adores PINK, so yeah, she is currently wearing a lot of that. The pants I bought her from the boys section do not seem to have confused her at all. She sees them as "pants".