MIL is always telling us to dress our 10 month old "as a girl" ... when do we say something?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Although it is a ridiculous discussion if you keep in mind the child is 10 months old, it has to be noted that young girls rely on their mother's guidance on how to be a girl. It really doesn't hurt to teach your child to dress well from a relatively early age. It doesn't mean you have to force things or make her be what she doesn't want to be. Take it from someone who lacked that type of guidance--it messes up a woman's life in more ways than one.

No it does not "mess up a woman's life" if she doesn't "dress well" - I have zero fashion sense and interest, but I still manage to be a competent professional, well-adjusted member of society, that can provide for myself and my family....

I'm not talking about fashion. But you wouldn't know that.

Then what the hell are you talking about? If you dress your baby girl in pants sometimes she'll be messed up as an adult?

No, PP. She won't. Calm down. There is no point in responding if you don't care to read the message first.

You're talking to multiple people here - what do you mean by "dress well" then?

Appropriately for any given event, tastefully, attractively. This has little to do with the latest designer trends PP has no interest in. She claims to be a successful professional, so having to explain the importance of visual impressions to a successful individual seems strange.

Girls are not born knowing how to be successful women. They don't acquire this knowledge through osmosis. You can waste your time complaining about inherent misogyny of the society favoring likable and visually appealing individuals. Or you can help your daughter embrace her womanhood and build a fulfilling life for herself instead of looking like a mad scientist who will be doomed to raise cats in her 40s. Your choice.

Melania, is that you?

So if the girl actually is a scientist, is she supposed to wear a flowered frock instead of a white lab coat? Or pants on a dig? Or a giant snow parka if she's working on the tundra? Maybe as a cop, she should be sure to stop and apply makeup while she's responding to an emergency call.

I imagine you think women in pant suits are unfeminine and unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds insufferable. Would hate to have her for a DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds insufferable. Would hate to have her for a DIL.

Good thing you don't - though your poor grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds insufferable. Would hate to have her for a DIL.

yep

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I finally told MIL to cut it out recently after she would routinely comment on DD "acting like a boy" or "playing rough like a boy." I hit my limit one day when DD (almost 3 y/o) was pretending to "shoot" something and MIL told her "only boys play with guns." I said, "actually, NOBODY should be playing with guns, we don't play guns at home or at school because guns are very dangerous, DD. And MIL we need to stop with this 'like a boy' stuff because I don't like it and I don't want her to think she is limited from doing anything because she's not a boy.'" She hasn't said anything since.

As background, MIL and I engaged in a lengthy, very passive-aggressive (on her part) debate over pierced ears when DD was a baby. I don't know if that's pertinent here, but it kind of colored how I view MIL's gender-related commentary on DD because she was so insistent we piece DD's ears so she would "look like a girl." It was ridiculous.

You sound exhausting. I'm glad I have a sane DIL.

So you think it's alright to say "only boys play with guns" and insist that your DIL pierce her girl's ears?

No. But I don't think it requires a lecture.

Two sentences does not a lecture make, especially if it's a two-sentence statement aiming to end months or years of asinine, gender-prescriptive commentary.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The amount of internalized misogyny and acceptance of machoism on this thread is disappointing, yet predictable. Putting a baby in clothing of any type, color, or ruffle volume will not harm them, confuse them, or other otherwise effect them. The projection of gender stereotypes that are know to be harmful throughout life, on the other hand, will harm both your child and those around them.

It's "affect," smarty-pants, not "effect."

I guess this is what your meaningless degree in Women's Gender Studies taught you.

You're really pretty angry. What do you have against women's gender studies?

Let's just say they don't typically attract the campus Einsteins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

I have to agree- it is really annoying!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with her. If you had an older boy, it makes sense to reuse some things like pants but to buy them and force your beliefs on your child is exhausting. You are just as imposing as grandma. Dress her like a girl as she is one. Why confuse a child? If she chooses differently later on, support her.

Np.well it is super hard to crawl and run around in a dress! I think op I wouldn't worry about it right now. If she lived in the neighborhood I might say something but since she lives far away I would continue doing what you are doing. It will solve itself once your DD chooses how she wants to dress.

Learn to just smile and nod.

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Anonymous wrote:Are you going to judge her if she does like stereotypically girly things? Most of the parents I know who have this attitude end up with very girly girls. And it's hard for them. Check your own inner prejudices. If you're truly going for equality is having some of things typically seems boy and some girl, your buying just as much into gender stereotypes. It shouldn't be this tortured. Buy plain clothes and plain toys. Let her decide what she likes later.

Right. And I hope you do, too, OP. May there be a lot of pink sparkles and twirls in your future.

LOL -- I never said I'd have a problem with her being "girly." I said I want to make sure she knows she has CHOICES.

I love dresses. I also love star wars, football, and baseball.

For you to 1) assume I have some problem with people being "girly," and 2) then go ahead and wish something on me that you think will make me uncomfortable, is just weird.

You do realize you are making the choice for her by imposing your ideals. You are going to confuse her and could cause lots of issues.

And what, pray tell, do you think my ideals are? Like I've said a million times, the girl has dresses, pants, skirts, overalls, onesies, sweatshirts, etc. in her closet. How does having this array of clothing confuse her?

And those are fine but get them in the girls department, not boys. You are buying boys to prove a point and statement you are trying to make. You are going overboard and will end up with a kid with gender identity issues.

That is the most crazy thing I have heard. I have two girls and sometimes we buy from the boys' section because they like their t-shirts better. No gender identity issues and they are happy to be girls. Sometimes they want to wear a Star Wars shirt and there is nothing in the girls' department.

In the end clothes are just clothes and fashion changes how we dress boys/girls. Remember pink used to be for boys and blue for girls? Have you ever seen Franklin Roosevelt as a little boy? He is wearing a dress and has long curls! Looks like a girl but, when he grew up he knew he was a boy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have a friend just like OP and frankly is annoying as hell. It's exhausting having to edit every comment and gift so as not to offend the mother.

I have to agree- it is really annoying!!!

+1 we limit our interactions because it's just too much

[Anonymous]

My mom is just like that. Honestly, since she knows I make a point of having all kinds of clothes (i.e. not just frilly dresses) she points out every time dd wears plain clothes that she looks like a boy, whereas my niece who wears mostly girly dresses doesn't get told she looks "like a boy" when she's in a plain onesie. So, I wouldn't make it a bigger deal by scolding her, it'll probably just backfire. I usually just say "what's so boyish about [clouds/stars/dragons... whatever she happens to be wearing]" to make my mom realize she is being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I read the first page of this thread, and DCUM is more insane than usual today.

OP, ask your husband to explain to your MIL that your daughter doesn't need to be forced into gender norms, and that you are actively resisting them. This hardly a cutting edge parenting idea!

(FWIW -- I had an interaction with a grandparent who commented on how "interesting" it is that my son "just happened" to be so interested in vehicles and cars. Right after he'd brought us a giant box of truck books from the library sale. He literally had NO IDEA what he was doing, it was all just invisible to him.)

[Anonymous]

You sound pretentious OP and like one of those try hard moms who *wants* a trans child so that you look cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask yourself -- if you had a boy, would you dress him in a pink dress to make the same point? If not, I think you should think about what that means.

+1

[Anonymous]

My mom said something similar early on when dd was under 1 and not walking so in never put her in dresses as that was a pain to crawl in be shed try to lift them. She also didn't have much hair and yes looked like a boy. I said I liked what ever outfit she was in every time. Now dd is 18 months and a dress is much easier to wear and sits well on a walking toddler but now mymom insists that dd wears a shirt and pants for climbing on the playground. Dd also has longer hair and looks girlier. Problem resolved and I get no comments. Wait it out. Dress her in what you like weather appropriately and get her whatever toys. Dump trucks are a favorite in this house.