Collecting friends' phones

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And that's great, your child just won't be coming over.

I'm not becoming responsible for your child's internet usage while they are in my home.

Not a problem. My kids can only access the Internet over wireless. If you don't give them the password to your network, they won't be on the Internet while at your house. And, if I expected you to be responsible for their Internet use, I would have asked you to monitor it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

Policing? It's that I DONT want to police it. If you can't go a few hours without texting your child maybe examine why?

But you are policing it if you don't allow my child to have her personal device while at your house or if she has to go through you to communicate with me. Why do you feel the need to control communications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this post just points to two different sets of parenting values - on one hand some parents want their kids to be okay with being phone-free. To being okay with not having a phone in hand or with constant communication. On the other hand other parents want 24/7 access and constant communication and want their child to always have phone in hand. I think both see the other as controlling and invasive! One by taking the phone away, the other who wants the phone always there.

I don't have a problem with my kid being phone free. I just don't need another parent taking her property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too controlling

I had a mother ask me to collect phones,when her son slept over, so I did.

The boy never got invited to any party again because "his moms psycho" and the kids didn't want to deal with him/her anymore.

Middle school is a time to learn the dos and donuts of phone use. Simply ask the girls not to post pictures other girls that were not invited would see and they will comply or not, then they deal with the fallout.

Wow! Mean kids!

I teach my kids to choose friends wisely and psycho is good to stay away from.

The nut does not fall far from the tree.

Don't teach your kids to be crazy.

I honestly think you need to reflect on who is over reacting here. I have a hard time seeing any of this behavior in the "psycho" or "crazy" range.

[Anonymous]

What about asking the kids to check their own phones into a basket that's out of sight, but still accessible? I'm fine with asking the kids to keep their phones away while socializing, but seems too controlling to take another kid's phone away. For many parents, they expect to be able to reach their kids at all times; the host is overstepping by cutting that direct line of comms off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too controlling

I had a mother ask me to collect phones,when her son slept over, so I did.

The boy never got invited to any party again because "his moms psycho" and the kids didn't want to deal with him/her anymore.

Middle school is a time to learn the dos and donuts of phone use. Simply ask the girls not to post pictures other girls that were not invited would see and they will comply or not, then they deal with the fallout.

Wow! Mean kids!

Raised by mean moms. What she doesn't realize is that nobody likes her either--and her daughter is probably the mean girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally find such a rule to be invasive, overly controlling, and not something I would ever be likely to implement. However, both my kids and I realize that different families do things differently and that it is incumbent upon a guest to abide by household expectations so invitations should only be accepted to people's homes where the rules they will be expected to obey are tolerable to us.

If phones were collected and kept out of the way but somewhere accessible without intervention by the host parent in case one of the guests needed to use their phone, such as it seems 08:00 does, I would be fine with that. The phone would still be fairly accessible to my child should either they or I need to communicate about safety or logistical matters, and where phones are to be stored would just be a matter of the other family's rules.

If, however, phones were collected and kept by the host parent in such a way that my child would need to go through the parent to get access, I would not be alright with that. Most of the reasons for which I could see kids at a sleepover needing to contact home are rare/unlikely but definitely not the sort of situation in which I think most kids -- but definitely mine -- would be comfortable bothering or imposing on the friend's parent. If someone else has become the gatekeeper of my child's actual ability to communicate with me or receive communications from me, I would not consider the phone to be fulfilling its primary purpose (a safety feature) so I would have to evaluate whether the sleepover was one I would allow my child to attend without a functional phone. Most likely, the existence of such a household policy on the part of the host would cause me to decline to have my kids sleep over. Not to mention that I do find it strange and somewhat inappropriate for another parent to confiscate property that depending on how you look at it either belongs to my child or belongs to me and which I have given to my child to keep and use. My kids are not generally, with few exceptions, permitted to share their phones or allow anyone besides themselves to be in possession of them.

Wow, and you're calling the phone collector controlling?I think I know where you must keep your phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this post just points to two different sets of parenting values - on one hand some parents want their kids to be okay with being phone-free. To being okay with not having a phone in hand or with constant communication. On the other hand other parents want 24/7 access and constant communication and want their child to always have phone in hand. I think both see the other as controlling and invasive! One by taking the phone away, the other who wants the phone always there.

I don't have a problem with my kid being phone free. I just don't need another parent taking her property.

So does she keep her shoes and coat with her at all times or you okay with the host taking her property and putting it in the closet? To me, asking a child to stick their phone in the basket in the living room is no different. It is where phones go at night in our home. I don't think anyone is saying they would refuse access to a phone if a child is in distress or its an emergency.

[Anonymous]

I am a Girl Scout leader, softball coach and mom. Any gathering, meeting or practice, the phones are gathered.

I started at the Girl Scout meetings when some too young kids like 10-12yrs old, start rolling in with iPhones. It was mainly to gather attention and keep the other kids from not feeling left out. The have admitted they love it. They are all now 15-16 and still drop their phones in our "gab goblet" whenever they come over for meetings and gatherings. It takes the pressure off when everyone is on board. I know they wouldn't talk as much, play board games, bake etc... if they had phones.

Sleepovers are a big no phone needed. Kids do stupid things, especially at sleepovers. No need to make it viral news.

If you want your child's phone pinned to them at all times, no need coming to my house.

[Anonymous]

As long as a house has a home phone and a child has access to it, I agree with collecting them. We don't keep our phones, iPads or computers in our bedrooms at night but we also have a home phone. I would prefer a child bring their own iPad as we've had many situations where a child takes over our child's and is not very careful and doesn't share it. Our child is careful and never has broken one but I don't want to risk ours being broken by another child as its expensive to replace. I get more tired of the expectation from kids that they will be on them the entire time, which we don't allow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

Policing? It's that I DONT want to police it. If you can't go a few hours without texting your child maybe examine why?

+1

[Anonymous]

It's a great idea to collect the phones, so the kids won't be sitting attached to screens during the whole party or sleepover! I've seen quite a few parties and family events which now consist of everyone starting at screens.

Put them in a basket or container and if a teen needs to contact their parents they can use their phone and put it back. There is no need to be in contact 24/7 unless there is an emergency situation developing (grandparent critically ill, etc..)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally find such a rule to be invasive, overly controlling, and not something I would ever be likely to implement. However, both my kids and I realize that different families do things differently and that it is incumbent upon a guest to abide by household expectations so invitations should only be accepted to people's homes where the rules they will be expected to obey are tolerable to us.

If phones were collected and kept out of the way but somewhere accessible without intervention by the host parent in case one of the guests needed to use their phone, such as it seems 08:00 does, I would be fine with that. The phone would still be fairly accessible to my child should either they or I need to communicate about safety or logistical matters, and where phones are to be stored would just be a matter of the other family's rules.

If, however, phones were collected and kept by the host parent in such a way that my child would need to go through the parent to get access, I would not be alright with that. Most of the reasons for which I could see kids at a sleepover needing to contact home are rare/unlikely but definitely not the sort of situation in which I think most kids -- but definitely mine -- would be comfortable bothering or imposing on the friend's parent. If someone else has become the gatekeeper of my child's actual ability to communicate with me or receive communications from me, I would not consider the phone to be fulfilling its primary purpose (a safety feature) so I would have to evaluate whether the sleepover was one I would allow my child to attend without a functional phone. Most likely, the existence of such a household policy on the part of the host would cause me to decline to have my kids sleep over. Not to mention that I do find it strange and somewhat inappropriate for another parent to confiscate property that depending on how you look at it either belongs to my child or belongs to me and which I have given to my child to keep and use. My kids are not generally, with few exceptions, permitted to share their phones or allow anyone besides themselves to be in possession of them.

Wow, and you're calling the phone collector controlling?I think I know where you must keep your phone.

Yeah, I hope the phone company doesn't charge her by the word!

[Anonymous]

I do that. All cellphones go in a basket in the kitchen. If kids want to check their phone, all they have to do is ask me. I will always say yes. I will leave the kitchen if they want to call home, to give them privacy.

But they may not take the phone back to the group of kids. I let every parent dropping their kid off "All cell phones are kept in the kitchen; your kid is welcome to come use it any time s/he wants, and you have our house number."

[Anonymous]

I would be really angry if a parent took my kid's phone. It never happened. Mine are grown. My children had cell phones starting at about age 8 specifically so that they could call home without calling attention to themselves. I wouldn't make a scene about it, but my child would not return to that house. And I probably would exclude that child from anything at my home. I try to avoid that type of parent.

I'm fine with phones being taken at sports, Scouts, church events, etc.