Collecting friends' phones

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mother I know collects the phones of her kids' friends when she hosts birthday parties. She recently had a birthday party at her house, 10 kids in attendance, collected their phones when they walked in the door and gave them back as they left. She said she didn't want the girls to post pictures on Instagram/Snapchat of the party and cause drama.
The girls are 13. Good idea or controlling?

Thank goodness there are still adults around who don't blur the lines!

She needs to become school superintendent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bother me. My teens are respectful and would follow the request to not take pictures. They don't need someone else parenting them.

So "her house, her rules" doesn't apply to your cherub?

I think your kid's better off under her care tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would bother me. My teens are respectful and would follow the request to not take pictures. They don't need someone else parenting them.

So "her house, her rules" doesn't apply to your cherub?

I think your kid's better off under her care tbh.

How is it another parents fault if helicopter mom's own kids can't be trusted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too controlling

I had a mother ask me to collect phones,when her son slept over, so I did.

The boy never got invited to any party again because "his moms psycho" and the kids didn't want to deal with him/her anymore.

Middle school is a time to learn the dos and donuts of phone use. Simply ask the girls not to post pictures other girls that were not invited would see and they will comply or not, then they deal with the fallout.

Wow! Mean kids!

I teach my kids to choose friends wisely and psycho is good to stay away from.

The nut does not fall far from the tree.

Don't teach your kids to be crazy.

I honestly think you need to reflect on who is over reacting here. I have a hard time seeing any of this behavior in the "psycho" or "crazy" range.

It was not her house her rules, she asked me to implement her rules at my house. I felt sad for the boy so I complied. The other option was he could not attend. The is psycho, telling other parents how to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would bother me. My teens are respectful and would follow the request to not take pictures. They don't need someone else parenting them.

So "her house, her rules" doesn't apply to your cherub?

I think your kid's better off under her care tbh.

How is it another parents fault if helicopter mom's own kids can't be trusted?

her house, her rules

Do you walk into other people's homes and tell them what to do? how to brew coffee? how to clean floors? how to garden?

It's a short-lived party! Your kids can't live w/o their phones overnight?

I have a 13 yo who barely even texts. She would not balk at turning in a phone. But you know what? She wouldn't NEED her phone at a party!

You people are pathetic parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've watched my kids interact with friends and I'd say it seems 90% of the dialogue revolves around phones - group chats, taking pictures, snapchatting stories, fake instagram goof photos, showing a funny meme, watching youtube clips.

It all seems so pointless and stupid. If only all parents were on board of the no phone rule...

If only all parents would stop trying to dictate how their teens interact with friends. So what if 90% of the dialogue revolves around phones?

When your kids grow up and cannot interact person-to-person, face-to-face, without anxiety and awkwardness, don't ask why. Of course, you're probably the type who will call potential employers when they have an interview, anyway.

And also when their memories are "remember using the dog filter on Snapchat?!" instead of making things, talking, playing games, and other interactive in-person activities that don't involve a screen.

[Anonymous]

It is ridiculous to collect phones
It is ridiculous to attempt to parent other people's children
It is ridiculous to give your kid a phone if they can't be trusted with it
It is ridiculous to try to hide a sleepover from other kids so their feelings aren't hurt
It is ridiculous to invite kids over to your house who can't be trusted
And it's ridiculous to expect people with 10 year olds to have this conversation effectively with people who have 16 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

Agreed. I think it would be good to let the parents know in advance too.
That way if they need to get in touch with their child they can call the home phone.

I agree, the house rules apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would bother me. My teens are respectful and would follow the request to not take pictures. They don't need someone else parenting them.

So "her house, her rules" doesn't apply to your cherub?

I think your kid's better off under her care tbh.

How is it another parents fault if helicopter mom's own kids can't be trusted?

her house, her rules

Do you walk into other people's homes and tell them what to do? how to brew coffee? how to clean floors? how to garden?

It's a short-lived party! Your kids can't live w/o their phones overnight?

I have a 13 yo who barely even texts. She would not balk at turning in a phone. But you know what? She wouldn't NEED her phone at a party!

You people are pathetic parents.

What does your 13 year old say about your policy?
What do her friends say about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

Agreed. I think it would be good to let the parents know in advance too.
That way if they need to get in touch with their child they can call the home phone.

I agree, the house rules apply.

Do you people actually have "house rules?"
What kind of dysfunctional family needs an actual set of rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is ridiculous to collect phones
It is ridiculous to attempt to parent other people's children
It is ridiculous to give your kid a phone if they can't be trusted with it
It is ridiculous to try to hide a sleepover from other kids so their feelings aren't hurt
It is ridiculous to invite kids over to your house who can't be trusted
And it's ridiculous to expect people with 10 year olds to have this conversation effectively with people who have 16 year olds.

You don't know they can't be trusted until they break that trust, an I right? Surely all parents whose children have turned out to be bullies or mean girls at one time "could be trusted." Your logic is idiotic, and that's putting it nicely. I question your parenting skills.

[Anonymous]

I'm all for anything that produces kids that aren't terrified of interacting on the phone!

All of the young people at my job are terrified of talking on the phone. If they can't do it via email, they ignore doing it. We have had to create specific company policies about this topic. You can now be written up for not completing a task if your reason why you didn't follow through was that "there was no email given."

And when they are on the phone, they are awkward as hell. They don't know how to keep the conversation flowing at all. Our interviewers now have fake phones in the main conference room where interviews take place and role play potential candidates to gauge their phone skills. This is not something we had to do even until the last 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've watched my kids interact with friends and I'd say it seems 90% of the dialogue revolves around phones - group chats, taking pictures, snapchatting stories, fake instagram goof photos, showing a funny meme, watching youtube clips.

It all seems so pointless and stupid. If only all parents were on board of the no phone rule...

If only all parents would stop trying to dictate how their teens interact with friends. So what if 90% of the dialogue revolves around phones?

When your kids grow up and cannot interact person-to-person, face-to-face, without anxiety and awkwardness, don't ask why. Of course, you're probably the type who will call potential employers when they have an interview, anyway.

And also when their memories are "remember using the dog filter on Snapchat?!" instead of making things, talking, playing games, and other interactive in-person activities that don't involve a screen.

Do you not see the irony here? YOU are the one seeking to dictate how her teenager (altho I suspect you don't yet have a teenager) interacts with her friends. You are a helicopter parent. Yet, you accuse me of being one when I'm the one saying let them demonstrate their independence and responsibility.

You clearly have little experience with observing what teens do with their phones. The are 'making' videos (heads up, teenagers don't do the arts & crafts projects ES kids love). They are playing games together and they are most certainly talking and interacting. I can assure you that having a phone at a sleepover isn't going to doom any kid to poor social skills, anxiety and awkwardness.

Feel free to post back when your kid's a teenager and has a sleepover with her teenaged friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is ridiculous to collect phones
It is ridiculous to attempt to parent other people's children
It is ridiculous to give your kid a phone if they can't be trusted with it
It is ridiculous to try to hide a sleepover from other kids so their feelings aren't hurt
It is ridiculous to invite kids over to your house who can't be trusted
And it's ridiculous to expect people with 10 year olds to have this conversation effectively with people who have 16 year olds.

You don't know they can't be trusted until they break that trust, an I right? Surely all parents whose children have turned out to be bullies or mean girls at one time "could be trusted." Your logic is idiotic, and that's putting it nicely. I question your parenting skills.

I absolutely trust my kids until they prove themselves untrustworthy. It's about respect, and so far, at 16 and 13 they are exactly who I raised them to be. Responsible, respectful, and trustworthy. I was raised the same way, and I was a well behaved teen. When kids feel restrained and that they lack any control they rebel. With appropriate responsibility and trust, they learn to regulate their own behavior. I'm sure you'll just say that I'm clueless and my kids are sneaking around doing stuff I don't know about, but they're actually not. If you knew them, you'd understand how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

Agreed. I think it would be good to let the parents know in advance too.
That way if they need to get in touch with their child they can call the home phone.

I agree, the house rules apply.

Do you people actually have "house rules?"
What kind of dysfunctional family needs an actual set of rules?

Every house has rules. We are not talking about a proclamation posted on the front door. Just general rules of conduct

Here are some of ours
No shoes in the house
No eating in the bedrooms
No laptop, kindle, ipad, etc during the week

I am sure once he is old enough to have a phone we'll add no phones at the table

So if your kid comes over I would expect them to take off their shoes and not eat in the bedrooms
If we were having an after school play date I might relax the screen time one.

Anytime DS has gone to sleepover with his own device I remind him that the rules of that house apply. When the parent says put the device away it goes away. I am fine with a parent "parenting" my child when my child is under that parent's supervision.