Collecting friends' phones

[Anonymous]

What if the house has a landline so guests otherwise have access to call their parents whenever?

[Anonymous]

I think it's absurd to collect the phones ahead of time for a meeting/sports practice/etc. One of our expectations of the kids is that they know when it's appropriate to use it and when not. If a kid demonstrates she can't stay off it during that time, then the logical consequence is to take it after that, not before. As far as having them at sleepovers, why not? If a girl is spending her time on the phone rather than socializing, she's not likely to be asked back. You're foolish if you think taking them will prevent them from taking photos/making musicalys/inappropriate content. They have plenty of opportunities to do so outside your sleepover. Better to teach your kid to say 'no'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absurd to collect the phones ahead of time for a meeting/sports practice/etc. One of our expectations of the kids is that they know when it's appropriate to use it and when not. If a kid demonstrates she can't stay off it during that time, then the logical consequence is to take it after that, not before. As far as having them at sleepovers, why not? If a girl is spending her time on the phone rather than socializing, she's not likely to be asked back. You're foolish if you think taking them will prevent them from taking photos/making musicalys/inappropriate content. They have plenty of opportunities to do so outside your sleepover. Better to teach your kid to say 'no'.

I agree. It's a weird and unhelpful thing to do. All these parents who would do something like this are so smug and self congratulatory, but really all they've done is robbed the kids of an opportunity to figure out how to manage the phone themselves. I've talked to my kid about how it's rude and boring to be one the phone at a party and he kind of rolls his eyes. But a few weeks ago I was dropping him off at a party and his friend saw he and another kid had their phones. Birthday boy said "No! Put them away!" And the boys did. I'm really glad the mom let her son handle it rather than swooping in. Great lesson for all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absurd to collect the phones ahead of time for a meeting/sports practice/etc. One of our expectations of the kids is that they know when it's appropriate to use it and when not. If a kid demonstrates she can't stay off it during that time, then the logical consequence is to take it after that, not before. As far as having them at sleepovers, why not? If a girl is spending her time on the phone rather than socializing, she's not likely to be asked back. You're foolish if you think taking them will prevent them from taking photos/making musicalys/inappropriate content. They have plenty of opportunities to do so outside your sleepover. Better to teach your kid to say 'no'.

The mom in my OP who confiscated the phones stated she did so to keep the girls from taking pictures and posting them on social media--so that other girls would t feel left out for not being invited. Not necessarily to limit screen time.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing the parents who are ok with somebody's mom confiscating their phone don't have teens. I can see the tween parents thinking this is a great idea, but for older teens, it's just silly.

My 16 year old texted a friend at 10:30 last night, and the kids mom replied that he was sleeping. Helicopter much? How embarrassing is that????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absurd to collect the phones ahead of time for a meeting/sports practice/etc. One of our expectations of the kids is that they know when it's appropriate to use it and when not. If a kid demonstrates she can't stay off it during that time, then the logical consequence is to take it after that, not before. As far as having them at sleepovers, why not? If a girl is spending her time on the phone rather than socializing, she's not likely to be asked back. You're foolish if you think taking them will prevent them from taking photos/making musicalys/inappropriate content. They have plenty of opportunities to do so outside your sleepover. Better to teach your kid to say 'no'.

The mom in my OP who confiscated the phones stated she did so to keep the girls from taking pictures and posting them on social media--so that other girls would t feel left out for not being invited. Not necessarily to limit screen time.

That is just plain dumb. Any child over the age of 10 knows that they're not invited to everything, and they should know how to deal. Coddling them just prolongs the process of learning to be ok with not being included in something.

[Anonymous]

I kind of love this idea. Not for the premise of limiting social media exposure but for the purpose of enhancing interaction with each other. Say what you want about "they won't be asked back" or "it's their loss if they choose to be on the phone" and blah blah blah, but you're just crazy if you don't think that collecting the phones will only ENHANCE the sleepover experience, nurture their relationships with each other, and encourage creativity and fun. You honestly cannot articulate one legitimate reason why it would detract from the experience. So what exactly is the big deal here? Simple entitlement?

[Anonymous]

Good idea. I teach my kids to follow the rules of whose house they are at. So I'd be fine with it completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absurd to collect the phones ahead of time for a meeting/sports practice/etc. One of our expectations of the kids is that they know when it's appropriate to use it and when not. If a kid demonstrates she can't stay off it during that time, then the logical consequence is to take it after that, not before. As far as having them at sleepovers, why not? If a girl is spending her time on the phone rather than socializing, she's not likely to be asked back. You're foolish if you think taking them will prevent them from taking photos/making musicalys/inappropriate content. They have plenty of opportunities to do so outside your sleepover. Better to teach your kid to say 'no'.

The mom in my OP who confiscated the phones stated she did so to keep the girls from taking pictures and posting them on social media--so that other girls would t feel left out for not being invited. Not necessarily to limit screen time.

That is just plain dumb. Any child over the age of 10 knows that they're not invited to everything, and they should know how to deal. Coddling them just prolongs the process of learning to be ok with not being included in something.

.....and this isn't the only time, or way, they're going to have to navigate social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of love this idea. Not for the premise of limiting social media exposure but for the purpose of enhancing interaction with each other. Say what you want about "they won't be asked back" or "it's their loss if they choose to be on the phone" and blah blah blah, but you're just crazy if you don't think that collecting the phones will only ENHANCE the sleepover experience, nurture their relationships with each other, and encourage creativity and fun. You honestly cannot articulate one legitimate reason why it would detract from the experience. So what exactly is the big deal here? Simple entitlement?

Puh-lease. 'Enhancing' interactions? You must have younger kids because my kids, and their friends, are plenty creative with their devices. They record things they've scripted, they make musiclys, they use the editing features of Snapchat. They stream their favorite YouTubers to the TV. I wish I had had a phone/device when I was having sleepovers. They're a lot of fun. A phone is no more distracting that bringing a good book along.

And, I want my kid to be able to contact me whenever she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of love this idea. Not for the premise of limiting social media exposure but for the purpose of enhancing interaction with each other. Say what you want about "they won't be asked back" or "it's their loss if they choose to be on the phone" and blah blah blah, but you're just crazy if you don't think that collecting the phones will only ENHANCE the sleepover experience, nurture their relationships with each other, and encourage creativity and fun. You honestly cannot articulate one legitimate reason why it would detract from the experience. So what exactly is the big deal here? Simple entitlement?

Puh-lease. 'Enhancing' interactions? You must have younger kids because my kids, and their friends, are plenty creative with their devices. They record things they've scripted, they make musiclys, they use the editing features of Snapchat. They stream their favorite YouTubers to the TV. I wish I had had a phone/device when I was having sleepovers. They're a lot of fun. A phone is no more distracting that bringing a good book along.

And, I want my kid to be able to contact me whenever she wants.

Congrats. They use Snapchat filters. Wow, I'm blown away by the creativity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a Girl Scout leader, softball coach and mom. Any gathering, meeting or practice, the phones are gathered.

I started at the Girl Scout meetings when some too young kids like 10-12yrs old, start rolling in with iPhones. It was mainly to gather attention and keep the other kids from not feeling left out. The have admitted they love it. They are all now 15-16 and still drop their phones in our "gab goblet" whenever they come over for meetings and gatherings. It takes the pressure off when everyone is on board. I know they wouldn't talk as much, play board games, bake etc... if they had phones.

Sleepovers are a big no phone needed. Kids do stupid things, especially at sleepovers. No need to make it viral news.

If you want your child's phone pinned to them at all times, no need coming to my house.

+1 from another Girl Scout leader who does the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mother I know collects the phones of her kids' friends when she hosts birthday parties. She recently had a birthday party at her house, 10 kids in attendance, collected their phones when they walked in the door and gave them back as they left. She said she didn't want the girls to post pictures on Instagram/Snapchat of the party and cause drama.
The girls are 13. Good idea or controlling?

Great idea. I do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally find such a rule to be invasive, overly controlling, and not something I would ever be likely to implement. However, both my kids and I realize that different families do things differently and that it is incumbent upon a guest to abide by household expectations so invitations should only be accepted to people's homes where the rules they will be expected to obey are tolerable to us.

If phones were collected and kept out of the way but somewhere accessible without intervention by the host parent in case one of the guests needed to use their phone, such as it seems 08:00 does, I would be fine with that. The phone would still be fairly accessible to my child should either they or I need to communicate about safety or logistical matters, and where phones are to be stored would just be a matter of the other family's rules.

If, however, phones were collected and kept by the host parent in such a way that my child would need to go through the parent to get access, I would not be alright with that. Most of the reasons for which I could see kids at a sleepover needing to contact home are rare/unlikely but definitely not the sort of situation in which I think most kids -- but definitely mine -- would be comfortable bothering or imposing on the friend's parent. If someone else has become the gatekeeper of my child's actual ability to communicate with me or receive communications from me, I would not consider the phone to be fulfilling its primary purpose (a safety feature) so I would have to evaluate whether the sleepover was one I would allow my child to attend without a functional phone. Most likely, the existence of such a household policy on the part of the host would cause me to decline to have my kids sleep over. Not to mention that I do find it strange and somewhat inappropriate for another parent to confiscate property that depending on how you look at it either belongs to my child or belongs to me and which I have given to my child to keep and use. My kids are not generally, with few exceptions, permitted to share their phones or allow anyone besides themselves to be in possession of them.

You sound like the controlling one.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Girl Scout leader, too, and I originally said no phones when we went on overnights. But we have one girl who is an only child living with just her mom and her mom said she always carries her phone to be able to communicate with her mom and that she'd want to call to say goodnight, etc. So she brought hers, and I basically said, "we're here to socialize with friends, so you're welcome to use your phone to contact mom, but we're not playing games on it with friends." And she was cool with that, and her mom felt better that she had her phone with her (girl was about 9 at the time).

Now, I've applied that rule to everyone (girls are 10-12). They are welcome to bring phones on our trips. But I just tell them that we're not out the woods to play on electronics. They are welcome to call/text their parents, take photos, look up something, etc. But it's not for games, social media, etc. We haven't had a problem with that, and I haven't seen any girl abusing her phone privileges.

My friend is a GS leader, too. She allows her troop to use phones on the car ride up and back but they get put in a basket on the actual trip.