Collecting friends' phones

[Anonymous]

A mother I know collects the phones of her kids' friends when she hosts birthday parties. She recently had a birthday party at her house, 10 kids in attendance, collected their phones when they walked in the door and gave them back as they left. She said she didn't want the girls to post pictures on Instagram/Snapchat of the party and cause drama.
The girls are 13. Good idea or controlling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mother I know collects the phones of her kids' friends when she hosts birthday parties. She recently had a birthday party at her house, 10 kids in attendance, collected their phones when they walked in the door and gave them back as they left. She said she didn't want the girls to post pictures on Instagram/Snapchat of the party and cause drama.
The girls are 13. Good idea or controlling?

I know of a dad who collected phones before a sleepover and got into trouble with a guest's family because the girl couldn't contact her parents. I think it's too controlling. Just lay out expectations about phone usage and tell the girls to be mindful of posts that may hurt other's feelings.

[Anonymous]

I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

+1

Love it. We all survived sleepovers and birthday parties without phones. Kids today will be fine.
--parent of a 15 and 11 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

+1

Love it. We all survived sleepovers and birthday parties without phones. Kids today will be fine.
--parent of a 15 and 11 year old

OP here-I'm of two minds. While yes, I agree they can survive without screens and it's responsible and kind not to cause drama on social media, I also see it as overstepping aboundary, as the hosting parent is essentially taking the child's personal property. I have told my girls and their friends, "put your phones down" and reminded them to not take pictures and post on social media when they're at our house, but stopped short of actually collecting their phones and holding them in my bedroom while they sleep. Something seems a little improper to me about that.

[Anonymous]

I wish all parents would do that. I think it's quite obvious that if one needs to contact their parents then they can easily do so. The posted pictures not only cause drama and hurt feelings for those not in attendance, but I know my DD and some of her friends find those who sit on their phones all through the party to be boring--she always wishes no phones were allowed.

[Anonymous]

Too controlling

I had a mother ask me to collect phones,when her son slept over, so I did.

The boy never got invited to any party again because "his moms psycho" and the kids didn't want to deal with him/her anymore.

Middle school is a time to learn the dos and donuts of phone use. Simply ask the girls not to post pictures other girls that were not invited would see and they will comply or not, then they deal with the fallout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too controlling

I had a mother ask me to collect phones,when her son slept over, so I did.

The boy never got invited to any party again because "his moms psycho" and the kids didn't want to deal with him/her anymore.

Middle school is a time to learn the dos and donuts of phone use. Simply ask the girls not to post pictures other girls that were not invited would see and they will comply or not, then they deal with the fallout.

Wow! Mean kids!

[Anonymous]

That would bother me. My teens are respectful and would follow the request to not take pictures. They don't need someone else parenting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd support that. I assume if a kid wanted to reach a parent they could simply ask for their phone then.

+1

Love it. We all survived sleepovers and birthday parties without phones. Kids today will be fine.
--parent of a 15 and 11 year old

OP here-I'm of two minds. While yes, I agree they can survive without screens and it's responsible and kind not to cause drama on social media, I also see it as overstepping aboundary, as the hosting parent is essentially taking the child's personal property. I have told my girls and their friends, "put your phones down" and reminded them to not take pictures and post on social media when they're at our house, but stopped short of actually collecting their phones and holding them in my bedroom while they sleep. Something seems a little improper to me about that.

I'm okay with setting boundaries. You're holding it in a secure place temporarily. Schools do this all the time. When they take a test, all phones have to be turned in. The consequences of inappropriate posting on social media are much bigger than a teen not having her phone for a few hours while spending time in someone's home with adult supervision.

[Anonymous]

House rules of that house. Seems a little controlling but I'd be ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bother me. My teens are respectful and would follow the request to not take pictures. They don't need someone else parenting them.

Every parent thinks this about their kid

[Anonymous]

Love it.
Aside from the pictures, isn't it better for kids to talk and interact with each other instead of looking at their phones the entire time?
Such a breath of fresh air. I bet the kids actually appreciate a break from the phones once they get past the shock of not having it rule their minds.

[Anonymous]

Don't know that I'd do this (well actually I don't do it) but I like her concern about posting on social media and causing drama. And as someone pointed out, kids could ask for their phone if they needed to call a parent. So I'd be ok with someone doing it.

As far as sleepovers, kids are notorious for getting into porn on their phones. I was warned by most of my friends with older kids to be aware of this as my kids get older. My kids aren't big fans of sleepovers, but the porn issue is real.

[Anonymous]

For us it would be house rules. All the tween and teen phones stay in the living room at night. I would ask the same of party goers. They aren't locked up. If someone needed to use a phone during the night then could come and get it.

As to what they take pictures of, I would go over that at the start of the party.