Collecting friends' phones

[Anonymous]

00:001 GS leader here. The smart phones at this point are actually a tool, and in some ways I like when the girls have them. On our last trip we were learning about using compasses and we used traditional ones but also showed them how to use it on the phone. They are also useful for stargazing, geocaching, and of course looking up poisonous berries and whatnot. As long as they are using them in a constructive manner, I'm fine with them having phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's absurd to collect the phones ahead of time for a meeting/sports practice/etc. One of our expectations of the kids is that they know when it's appropriate to use it and when not. If a kid demonstrates she can't stay off it during that time, then the logical consequence is to take it after that, not before. As far as having them at sleepovers, why not? If a girl is spending her time on the phone rather than socializing, she's not likely to be asked back. You're foolish if you think taking them will prevent them from taking photos/making musicalys/inappropriate content. They have plenty of opportunities to do so outside your sleepover. Better to teach your kid to say 'no'.

The mom in my OP who confiscated the phones stated she did so to keep the girls from taking pictures and posting them on social media--so that other girls would t feel left out for not being invited. Not necessarily to limit screen time.

That is just plain dumb. Any child over the age of 10 knows that they're not invited to everything, and they should know how to deal. Coddling them just prolongs the process of learning to be ok with not being included in something.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this post just points to two different sets of parenting values - on one hand some parents want their kids to be okay with being phone-free. To being okay with not having a phone in hand or with constant communication. On the other hand other parents want 24/7 access and constant communication and want their child to always have phone in hand. I think both see the other as controlling and invasive! One by taking the phone away, the other who wants the phone always there.

I don't have a problem with my kid being phone free. I just don't need another parent taking her property.

NP. This is why I specify "Leave phones at home, please." If they don't, they can choose to have someone come pick it up, or they can go home. Doesn't matter to me which one they choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this post just points to two different sets of parenting values - on one hand some parents want their kids to be okay with being phone-free. To being okay with not having a phone in hand or with constant communication. On the other hand other parents want 24/7 access and constant communication and want their child to always have phone in hand. I think both see the other as controlling and invasive! One by taking the phone away, the other who wants the phone always there.

I don't have a problem with my kid being phone free. I just don't need another parent taking her property.

NP. This is why I specify "Leave phones at home, please." If they don't, they can choose to have someone come pick it up, or they can go home. Doesn't matter to me which one they choose.

Bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this post just points to two different sets of parenting values - on one hand some parents want their kids to be okay with being phone-free. To being okay with not having a phone in hand or with constant communication. On the other hand other parents want 24/7 access and constant communication and want their child to always have phone in hand. I think both see the other as controlling and invasive! One by taking the phone away, the other who wants the phone always there.

I don't have a problem with my kid being phone free. I just don't need another parent taking her property.

NP. This is why I specify "Leave phones at home, please." If they don't, they can choose to have someone come pick it up, or they can go home. Doesn't matter to me which one they choose.

Let me guess - you don't have teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

Totally agree. No one - parents included - NEEDS her cell phone in the middle of the night. GIve me a break about "if my kid is molested I want her to be able to call me right away." We all know that isn't what these phones are being used for. Have any of you gotten that call? We're talking about a HUGE minority of times that occurs (both the molestation AND that the phone is used as a result.) Instead, the vast majority of the time it is used for youtube, texting, searching, chatting, snapchats, flirting, setting up dates, musically, videos, etc. For those of you who are SO offended that "YOUR" kid's property is confiscated at MY home - so be it. I don't want your kid tied to an electronic while at my home. I also don't want your kid rolling your eyes behind my back AND disrespecting my rules. Instead, I want your kids to have a good time (as they do.) I've never had a kid not want to come back - as evidenced by repeat kids always coming back over. (We also don't have any video games in the household either.) We have a land line and I have a cell phone. Your child is free to call at any time (no need to ask to use our phone) and you are free to call at any time. I'm no gatekeeper....pick up the phone and dial home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

Totally agree. No one - parents included - NEEDS her cell phone in the middle of the night. GIve me a break about "if my kid is molested I want her to be able to call me right away." We all know that isn't what these phones are being used for. Have any of you gotten that call? We're talking about a HUGE minority of times that occurs (both the molestation AND that the phone is used as a result.) Instead, the vast majority of the time it is used for youtube, texting, searching, chatting, snapchats, flirting, setting up dates, musically, videos, etc. For those of you who are SO offended that "YOUR" kid's property is confiscated at MY home - so be it. I don't want your kid tied to an electronic while at my home. I also don't want your kid rolling your eyes behind my back AND disrespecting my rules. Instead, I want your kids to have a good time (as they do.) I've never had a kid not want to come back - as evidenced by repeat kids always coming back over. (We also don't have any video games in the household either.) We have a land line and I have a cell phone. Your child is free to call at any time (no need to ask to use our phone) and you are free to call at any time. I'm no gatekeeper....pick up the phone and dial home.

I thought I was getting that call once, but it turned out to be something different. But when your 11 year old texts you at 1am and all it says is "I don't feel safe here, please come get me right now" you are glad they have their phone with them. It turned out that they had an unlocked gun case in the basement and the friend wanted to show them the guns after their parents went to sleep. It wasn't moleststion but it had the potential to be just as dangerous if not more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

Totally agree. No one - parents included - NEEDS her cell phone in the middle of the night. GIve me a break about "if my kid is molested I want her to be able to call me right away." We all know that isn't what these phones are being used for. Have any of you gotten that call? We're talking about a HUGE minority of times that occurs (both the molestation AND that the phone is used as a result.) Instead, the vast majority of the time it is used for youtube, texting, searching, chatting, snapchats, flirting, setting up dates, musically, videos, etc. For those of you who are SO offended that "YOUR" kid's property is confiscated at MY home - so be it. I don't want your kid tied to an electronic while at my home. I also don't want your kid rolling your eyes behind my back AND disrespecting my rules. Instead, I want your kids to have a good time (as they do.) I've never had a kid not want to come back - as evidenced by repeat kids always coming back over. (We also don't have any video games in the household either.) We have a land line and I have a cell phone. Your child is free to call at any time (no need to ask to use our phone) and you are free to call at any time. I'm no gatekeeper....pick up the phone and dial home.

I thought I was getting that call once, but it turned out to be something different. But when your 11 year old texts you at 1am and all it says is "I don't feel safe here, please come get me right now" you are glad they have their phone with them. It turned out that they had an unlocked gun case in the basement and the friend wanted to show them the guns after their parents went to sleep. It wasn't moleststion but it had the potential to be just as dangerous if not more.

Give me a break. My kids have no cell phones. Once they called home on a land line and did our code for needing to come home right away (my child felt bullied...not truly...just being over sensitive I'm guessing) and another time my kid came home from a neighbors because another kid picked up a BB gun. Your kid can communicate with you without needing a cell phone. In any event, do you instruct your kid to not take the phone out at all except for real emergencies while at someone's house at the age of 11??? Or do you just send him on his way? Look...who cares if you give your kid a phone...but say it for what it is...largely a tool for entertaining and communicating socially. It is also a distractor, time suck, way to avoid real interactions in person, can cause bullying, can cause inappropriate posts (permanent) online, etc. it can be a great and a dangerous tool. Sure, your kid could communicate with you when he was uncomfortable and wanted to come home at 1. My kid can and has done the same. She doesn't have a phone...also 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

Totally agree. No one - parents included - NEEDS her cell phone in the middle of the night. GIve me a break about "if my kid is molested I want her to be able to call me right away." We all know that isn't what these phones are being used for. Have any of you gotten that call? We're talking about a HUGE minority of times that occurs (both the molestation AND that the phone is used as a result.) Instead, the vast majority of the time it is used for youtube, texting, searching, chatting, snapchats, flirting, setting up dates, musically, videos, etc. For those of you who are SO offended that "YOUR" kid's property is confiscated at MY home - so be it. I don't want your kid tied to an electronic while at my home. I also don't want your kid rolling your eyes behind my back AND disrespecting my rules. Instead, I want your kids to have a good time (as they do.) I've never had a kid not want to come back - as evidenced by repeat kids always coming back over. (We also don't have any video games in the household either.) We have a land line and I have a cell phone. Your child is free to call at any time (no need to ask to use our phone) and you are free to call at any time. I'm no gatekeeper....pick up the phone and dial home.

I thought I was getting that call once, but it turned out to be something different. But when your 11 year old texts you at 1am and all it says is "I don't feel safe here, please come get me right now" you are glad they have their phone with them. It turned out that they had an unlocked gun case in the basement and the friend wanted to show them the guns after their parents went to sleep. It wasn't moleststion but it had the potential to be just as dangerous if not more.

Give me a break. My kids have no cell phones. Once they called home on a land line and did our code for needing to come home right away (my child felt bullied...not truly...just being over sensitive I'm guessing) and another time my kid came home from a neighbors because another kid picked up a BB gun. Your kid can communicate with you without needing a cell phone. In any event, do you instruct your kid to not take the phone out at all except for real emergencies while at someone's house at the age of 11??? Or do you just send him on his way? Look...who cares if you give your kid a phone...but say it for what it is...largely a tool for entertaining and communicating socially. It is also a distractor, time suck, way to avoid real interactions in person, can cause bullying, can cause inappropriate posts (permanent) online, etc. it can be a great and a dangerous tool. Sure, your kid could communicate with you when he was uncomfortable and wanted to come home at 1. My kid can and has done the same. She doesn't have a phone...also 11.

Wow, defensive much? You sure are worked up about this!

[Anonymous]

When my friends and I go out to dinner, we set our cell phones in a stack, face down, in the center of the table. If anyone takes their phone out of the stack before the bill is settled, they have to pay the entire thing.

Try the opposite with kids: All phones go somewhere accessible, but the last kid to touch theirs wins a prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

Totally agree. No one - parents included - NEEDS her cell phone in the middle of the night. GIve me a break about "if my kid is molested I want her to be able to call me right away." We all know that isn't what these phones are being used for. Have any of you gotten that call? We're talking about a HUGE minority of times that occurs (both the molestation AND that the phone is used as a result.) Instead, the vast majority of the time it is used for youtube, texting, searching, chatting, snapchats, flirting, setting up dates, musically, videos, etc. For those of you who are SO offended that "YOUR" kid's property is confiscated at MY home - so be it. I don't want your kid tied to an electronic while at my home. I also don't want your kid rolling your eyes behind my back AND disrespecting my rules. Instead, I want your kids to have a good time (as they do.) I've never had a kid not want to come back - as evidenced by repeat kids always coming back over. (We also don't have any video games in the household either.) We have a land line and I have a cell phone. Your child is free to call at any time (no need to ask to use our phone) and you are free to call at any time. I'm no gatekeeper....pick up the phone and dial home.

I thought I was getting that call once, but it turned out to be something different. But when your 11 year old texts you at 1am and all it says is "I don't feel safe here, please come get me right now" you are glad they have their phone with them. It turned out that they had an unlocked gun case in the basement and the friend wanted to show them the guns after their parents went to sleep. It wasn't moleststion but it had the potential to be just as dangerous if not more.

Give me a break. My kids have no cell phones. Once they called home on a land line and did our code for needing to come home right away (my child felt bullied...not truly...just being over sensitive I'm guessing) and another time my kid came home from a neighbors because another kid picked up a BB gun. Your kid can communicate with you without needing a cell phone. In any event, do you instruct your kid to not take the phone out at all except for real emergencies while at someone's house at the age of 11??? Or do you just send him on his way? Look...who cares if you give your kid a phone...but say it for what it is...largely a tool for entertaining and communicating socially. It is also a distractor, time suck, way to avoid real interactions in person, can cause bullying, can cause inappropriate posts (permanent) online, etc. it can be a great and a dangerous tool. Sure, your kid could communicate with you when he was uncomfortable and wanted to come home at 1. My kid can and has done the same. She doesn't have a phone...also 11.

Wow, defensive much? You sure are worked up about this!

I didn't read this as defensive at all. I thought it was well thought out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:House rules of that house. Seems a little controlling but I'd be ok with it.

. +1

I'd love to do this but not sure I'd have the guts.