Collecting friends' phones

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

Please explain why you need to be so controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my friends and I go out to dinner, we set our cell phones in a stack, face down, in the center of the table. If anyone takes their phone out of the stack before the bill is settled, they have to pay the entire thing.

Try the opposite with kids: All phones go somewhere accessible, but the last kid to touch theirs wins a prize.

I can't imagine mature adults doing this. Given your inability to self-regulate, I hope you don't drink alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my friends and I go out to dinner, we set our cell phones in a stack, face down, in the center of the table. If anyone takes their phone out of the stack before the bill is settled, they have to pay the entire thing.

Try the opposite with kids: All phones go somewhere accessible, but the last kid to touch theirs wins a prize.

I can't imagine mature adults doing this. Given your inability to self-regulate, I hope you don't drink alcohol.

NP & I think it's a good idea! Nearly every 'mature adult' I know checks their phone at some point during dinner. It's rude. I give a pass to physicians on call or call from the babysitter

[Anonymous]

When I was a teen, parents used to collect car keys at parties so that no one would drive drunk. How do you feel about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And that's great, your child just won't be coming over.

I'm not becoming responsible for your child's internet usage while they are in my home.

Not a problem. My kids can only access the Internet over wireless. If you don't give them the password to your network, they won't be on the Internet while at your house. And, if I expected you to be responsible for their Internet use, I would have asked you to monitor it.

You did ask that of me when you sent your child to my home with a computer/camera/video camera. If you don't want this to be a worry, equip your kids with cell phones that aren't computers/phones/video cameras, or else lose the pretense that this is about "reaching Mommy".

[Anonymous]

Slightly tangential question here, but what if the teens sext pictures to kids using your wifi? Is there any parental liability like when parents let non-custodial kids in their home drink or let guests drive home drunk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And that's great, your child just won't be coming over.

I'm not becoming responsible for your child's internet usage while they are in my home.

Not a problem. My kids can only access the Internet over wireless. If you don't give them the password to your network, they won't be on the Internet while at your house. And, if I expected you to be responsible for their Internet use, I would have asked you to monitor it.

You did ask that of me when you sent your child to my home with a computer/camera/video camera. If you don't want this to be a worry, equip your kids with cell phones that aren't computers/phones/video cameras, or else lose the pretense that this is about "reaching Mommy".

At my DC's middle school, then constantly have kids do stuff on their phones. Why would anyone get a phone that only texts and calls at this point. I really don't think its pretense for some people who say they want their kids to have access to texting them. I'm guessing that some kids would feel very uncomfortable asking to use the phone at 1 o'clock in the morning when the reason they need to use the phone is that the person they are asking used poor judgment by keeping a gun cabinet unlocked. That's an extreme example, but stuff happens. I really wouldn't object to a parent taking my kid's phone, but I can see why some parents like their kids to be able to contact them without having to go through another adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And that's great, your child just won't be coming over.

I'm not becoming responsible for your child's internet usage while they are in my home.

Not a problem. My kids can only access the Internet over wireless. If you don't give them the password to your network, they won't be on the Internet while at your house. And, if I expected you to be responsible for their Internet use, I would have asked you to monitor it.

You did ask that of me when you sent your child to my home with a computer/camera/video camera. If you don't want this to be a worry, equip your kids with cell phones that aren't computers/phones/video cameras, or else lose the pretense that this is about "reaching Mommy".

At my DC's middle school, then constantly have kids do stuff on their phones. Why would anyone get a phone that only texts and calls at this point. I really don't think its pretense for some people who say they want their kids to have access to texting them. I'm guessing that some kids would feel very uncomfortable asking to use the phone at 1 o'clock in the morning when the reason they need to use the phone is that the person they are asking used poor judgment by keeping a gun cabinet unlocked. That's an extreme example, but stuff happens. I really wouldn't object to a parent taking my kid's phone, but I can see why some parents like their kids to be able to contact them without having to go through another adult.

Why? You don't think that the parent who shows up at 1 AM to pick up their child has to get the hosts parents involved? Of course they do. TEACH YOUR CHILD TO SPEAK UP FOR THEMSELVES NOT RUN TO MOMMY TO SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM.

And thats so sad that the school has to rely on parent provided phones for the kids to access the internet. Our kids all get laptops and cell phones are banned from classrooms at our middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child isn't able to speak up enough to tell a parent that they need to use the phone, they aren't old enough to be advocating for themselves in a sleep over situation to begin with.

Teaching my kids that its okay to call me, no matter whom they have to ask to do so, is important to me. I can't advocate for kids who don't know how to advocate for themselves.

Glad that works for you. Doesn't work for me. I prefer my kids not have to go through another adult to contact me which is why my kid has a phone. I don't need another parent policing my communications with my kid - and I'm just as likely to text my kid as they are me.

If you are texting your 13 yo when they are at a party, I find that controlling. I take phones away at midnight and let them know that if their parent needs to contact them after midnight they can call the house phone or my cell.

Again, another person that doesn't have teenagers.

Pleas explain why exactly they need the phone surgically attached to them the entire time?

I'm sorry, I missed the posts where anyone advocated the phones be 'surgically attached' or 'pinned' to the kids the entire time. That would be just as extreme as confiscating the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And that's great, your child just won't be coming over.

I'm not becoming responsible for your child's internet usage while they are in my home.

Not a problem. My kids can only access the Internet over wireless. If you don't give them the password to your network, they won't be on the Internet while at your house. And, if I expected you to be responsible for their Internet use, I would have asked you to monitor it.

You did ask that of me when you sent your child to my home with a computer/camera/video camera. If you don't want this to be a worry, equip your kids with cell phones that aren't computers/phones/video cameras, or else lose the pretense that this is about "reaching Mommy".

Nope. I didn't ask. If my kid asked for it (because even pre-teens know how this works), I have no problem with you saying no. I got no problem with you saying no. Don't know why you thought I did. No one on this thread is advocating for hosts to make their networks available. All we're saying is you're out of line if you insist kids can't keep items their parents have deemed them responsible enough to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen, parents used to collect car keys at parties so that no one would drive drunk. How do you feel about that?

If I had knowledge that an adult knew underage kids were drinking in their home, I'd call the police. That's how I feel about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mother I know collects the phones of her kids' friends when she hosts birthday parties. She recently had a birthday party at her house, 10 kids in attendance, collected their phones when they walked in the door and gave them back as they left. She said she didn't want the girls to post pictures on Instagram/Snapchat of the party and cause drama.
The girls are 13. Good idea or controlling?

I know of a dad who collected phones before a sleepover and got into trouble with a guest's family because the girl couldn't contact her parents. I think it's too controlling. Just lay out expectations about phone usage and tell the girls to be mindful of posts that may hurt other's feelings.

Exactly how did the parent "get in trouble"?
I think you're lying.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 13. I am ok with collecting phones as well as not collecting phones.

If you had asked me a couple years ago, I would have said NO to collecting the phones and given lots of reasons why similar to the ones on this thread.

But with all things, once you have had more experience, your opinion changes.

In terms of social media, my own child is cautious about what she posts but other girls (and boys are not). Embarrassing photos happen and kids do think it's funny to post them at times. They are young and just lack a filter. Chaperoning a few events for my DD's and her friends, I realize I have forgot what stupid stuff kids find funny when you are 12 and 13.

There are plenty of kids with finsta accounts or spam accounts and sometimes your kid won't have access to those accounts so they don't even know what is being posted about them until it's too late. Add in that not all kids in the early teen years have all the same social media accounts. Half of the kids seem to have snap chat and half don't.

In terms of trying to reach me and if anything happened in the middle of the night, I realize that it is going to be the rare kid who has their wits about them if something really bad happens in the middle of the night to contact their parents right away. Most kids in a dark, unknown house if something bad happens, they would be too frightened and unnerved to do anything except wait until morning. I have had some of my DD's friends who are super outgoing and know our home well be too scared to even get up in the middle of the night and walk a few feet to the bathroom bc it's dark and they just are nervous about not being at home. They are afraid of turning on lights, flushing the toilet, turning on the sink and waking up people in the house, etc.

So in short, I tell my child to go along with the house rules.

At our house, I ask that they put their phones in the kitchen on our charger stand to charge for the night. We have no house phone but we do have a house cell phone that we keep in our upstairs hallway on an easily accessible table that has call and text capability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my friends and I go out to dinner, we set our cell phones in a stack, face down, in the center of the table. If anyone takes their phone out of the stack before the bill is settled, they have to pay the entire thing.

Try the opposite with kids: All phones go somewhere accessible, but the last kid to touch theirs wins a prize.

I can't imagine mature adults doing this. Given your inability to self-regulate, I hope you don't drink alcohol.

You seem nice.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to take my kids inhaler? His bottle of Advil? Anything else he has proven himself responsible enough to have?

When you take something from a child that their parents have decided they are mature enough to handle, it is insulting to the parents who have raised their kids to be responsible.