I asked DH for reassuring words and he flipped out

[Anonymous]

OP: really? I can't say I had a bad day at the office and I'm feeling down and he comes back with "why are you calling me a piece of crap"

And the conclusion is I'm too needy. OMG.

I appreciate the DH at 19:55 who at least came up with an analytical response and legitimate possible other side.

[Anonymous]

So, you said you're feeling sad and can he say something to make you feel cared about. Can't he just say "I love you" ? Bingo - cared about. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I cannot STAND this type of neediness -- in past boyfriends or in friends. HANDLE YO SHIT.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you said you're feeling sad and can he say something to make you feel cared about. Can't he just say "I love you" ? Bingo - cared about. Problem solved.

OP: you're right, it would have been something. That's my question. And it makes me feel confused.

[Anonymous]

If you ask for emotional boosts like this a lot, he's probably really tired of it, doesn't understand it. And if you keep asking, he feels like a failure because he obviously never made you feel better. If it's gone on for awhile, then it makes perfect sense he's cold and emotionless.


I've been there, done that. It's often a sign of a total lack of self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you ask for emotional boosts like this a lot, he's probably really tired of it, doesn't understand it. And if you keep asking, he feels like a failure because he obviously never made you feel better. If it's gone on for awhile, then it makes perfect sense he's cold and emotionless.


I've been there, done that. It's often a sign of a total lack of self esteem.

+1

Very low self esteem or immaturity. OP, please find a therapist. Not meant as an insult.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you two have different love languages. You want him to show his love by saying something sweet. He shows his love by doing things that need to be done, like going to your second property to deal with the plumber.

You need to acknowledge his love when he shows it to you. And I agree with the others, that you seem very needy.

[Anonymous]

OP: you would think by the responses that I was asking him to bring back the dead.

What kind of relationship can't tolerate asking for kindness? And what kind of people in this world think that asking for kindness is a horrible thing?

I just answered the whole question. Thank you for your input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you said you're feeling sad and can he say something to make you feel cared about. Can't he just say "I love you" ? Bingo - cared about. Problem solved.

OP: you're right, it would have been something. That's my question. And it makes me feel confused.

Confused about what? I'm not clear.

I do agree with PP that it wouldn't have taken much for him to give you a kind word, or tell you he loves you.
But there must be a long-standing dynamic between you that is a barrier to a more positive interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you ask for emotional boosts like this a lot, he's probably really tired of it, doesn't understand it. And if you keep asking, he feels like a failure because he obviously never made you feel better. If it's gone on for awhile, then it makes perfect sense he's cold and emotionless.

Hi OP, new poster to this thread. I am emotionally needy right now, and my DH had to come out and say he really could not take my need to vent or feel supported. We talked about it--I thanked him for telling me how he felt--and I also talked to my therapist about it. I'm in therapy for anxiety and also have depression; we had a really horrible holiday season for both of us and he is having stressful problems at his job. It was all just too much for him to deal with, and I was already have preexisting problems--and problems being emotionally supportive of myself. In my situation, my DH has been very supportive over the years, but I realized I am just relying on him for emotional support I need to give myself right now--and there is no one other than my DH and my therapist in my life who is supportive. DH also feels the need to "fix" things and it stresses him out that he can't seem to "fix" things for me. (I need to do that for myself.)

Just saying--if you don't have support other than your DH, I think you need to talk to a therapist or counselor if you aren't already. It's helped me a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a great example of the unhappy people here. This is absolutely nuts that people are accusing you of being needy for asking your husband to say something kind to you after a bad day. What the hell kind of relationships are people in where that's defined as excessively needy?? For what it's worth I don't get it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

Interesting. I am 20:02 and I posted a thoughtful reply, but you seem to want to be a victim here and IRL. This might be something you want to take a look at, maybe with the help of a licensed psychotherapist?

OP, typically, when people are posting here and giving examples, they give the best example that they can think of, one that really makes their point. What you have posted is silly and not at all worthy of the extreme drama you are creating. I think it's interesting that you now prefer to "blame" the posters, who almost universally agree that you are the problem. Your poor DH>

What I did was take the most historically recent example. Point taken.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. You were asking DCUM to make you feel better and we failed...just like your DH. Time to look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

Wow back. Abuse? Really? You have NO idea. I can't imagine asking my DH to "say something nice". You REALLY do sound needy OP. It's possible that DH is emotionally drained from dealing with it all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. You were asking DCUM to make you feel better and we failed...just like your DH. Time to look in the mirror.

No i was asking for analysis. I was asking for a way to communicate. The analysis is - that I'm too needy. I get it.