I asked DH for reassuring words and he flipped out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

Interesting. I am 20:02 and I posted a thoughtful reply, but you seem to want to be a victim here and IRL. This might be something you want to take a look at, maybe with the help of a licensed psychotherapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

Interesting. I am 20:02 and I posted a thoughtful reply, but you seem to want to be a victim here and IRL. This might be something you want to take a look at, maybe with the help of a licensed psychotherapist?

OP, typically, when people are posting here and giving examples, they give the best example that they can think of, one that really makes their point. What you have posted is silly and not at all worthy of the extreme drama you are creating. I think it's interesting that you now prefer to "blame" the posters, who almost universally agree that you are the problem. Your poor DH>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

We're not mind readers. You provide information, and ask for feedback based on what you've provided. And many people have.

The tone with which you're responding to people makes me feel sorry for your DH. I'm a woman myself. I grew up with an emotionally abusive and manipulative parent, who always thought himself to be the victim. You might want to work with a professional to figure out what your own responsibility is in achieving "reassurance" or some kind of peace in your life, instead of blaming everyone else. I'm sorry you're not receiving all the answers you thought you were going to get or wanted, but sometimes opposing viewpoints can be an opportunity for growth. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. wow. I didn't think asking for support in a rough time was asking too much from a spouse.

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not.

But this gang shift in blame to me - that I did something to cause it- is very interesting.

Not much of the snotty comments are insightful to me, but say a lot about the posters.

OP, there is not a whole lot of info to go on, but this sounds a bit like the dynamic that happens with people who have a loved one with a personality disorder. The coldness and lack of empathy with you and the charm and different personality with others also fits.

Go take a look at "narcissistic personality disorder" and "borderline personality disorder".

I disagree with what most posters have said. There are too many assumptions that you have been excessively needy, but I didnt read it that way, because I have been in a long marriage with a man just diagnosed with Borderline, and it explains all the weirdness Ive dealt with for far too long. I am FAR from needy, but the fact is he cared about NONE of my needs and I mean NONE in ANY amount. This was not how it began, but how it warped over time.

Also catching my eye is the term abuse. I think you might be referring to manipulation. This is what personality disorder people do and its very disorienting. Over time it can become abusive, it did in my case/ Terrible emotional abuse. But began with neglect and eventually morphed into a total lack of empathy, physical bullying and menacing. Horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

You're 25, OP, right? Did I guess that right?

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP. You got the response You wanted so now you can be satisfied that he's the asshole and you're perfect.

[Anonymous]

You are presenting to him a problem he can't fix--and by saying you are lonely he is feeling blamed, when he is out of town doing something for the household.

You are both overwhelmed, but it sounds like he cares. Try starting out with some appreciations of each other. Praise begets praise, and that might have gotten you what you were looking for more easily than the request.

[Anonymous]

Op, he sounds like a dick. Sorry the posters aren't more supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have been going through a rough time. He's out of town. I just called him and said I'm feeling sad, would he say something to help me feel cared about? I worked all day at my job, and I was feeling and have been feeling very alone and unsupported. I try to tell him this but he comes back with things like "why are you calling me a piece of crap". I just say what's going on, it's nothing about him. How does it get turned around like that?

Im the PP who just posted about the possibility of personality disorder. My husband would do this ALL THE TIME- put bizarrely specific words in my mouth that I had not only not said, I had NEVER said, and were completely unrelated to what I was attempting to talk about.

The recent diagnosis really helped me understand what I had been seeing that was so crazy making. Noone will believe you, btw, who has not gone through it themselves. Its impossible to adequately explain in any length of post or with any examples. Its just too weird and morphing and all over the place.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You should totally ditch his abusive face!

[Anonymous]

OP, genuinely curious. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, he sounds like a dick. Sorry the posters aren't more supportive.

That's a really useful comment. Got any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should totally ditch his abusive face!

Like totally dude.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have someone who does this to me. It scares me. It makes me upset and worried. I never understand why she is so emotional and needy. Everything was fine, I thought it was fine, and now she comes along and throws cold water on my feeling of everything being OK. Turns out, she is not OK, and it frightens and worries me. And it makes me angry - what the hell is it NOW??? What have I done wrong now? How have I failed now?

But I have to take a deep breath and try not to react from a place of fear.

Your DH feels at the very least, aggravated, and at the worst, frightened and unable to help you. He fears your discontent spiraling into god knows what.

Please try not to try to make him fill up your needy emptiness. Get a therapist.