I asked DH for reassuring words and he flipped out
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Anonymous
x2. Traveling for work does not automatically turn someone into an asshole. It's actually a really bad excuse, as far as excuses go. |
Anonymous
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Here's what I think OP. I think that you and your husband have completely failed at all communication, and you are not hearing each other at all--instead you are each reacting to perceived intention and aggression on the other person's end--in a passive way.
Furthermore, I think you do sound pretty lonely and needy. Its okay to be lonely, and it is okay to have needs, but it is not okay to expect your partner to constantly meet your needs in the way that you think is correct and punish them when they do not. It is your job to communicate your needs clearly and if your needs are reasonable and not being met, then you need to have an adult conversation about it, not a series of passive aggressive tit for tats. In this case, you wanted/expected your partner to say something to make you feel better, but at another level, it appears that you also blame him for your loneliness and neediness, so he is interpreting your desire for him to "Make you feel better" as a veiled attack. I wonder, would you have been satisfied if he had simply said "sorry you had a tough day hon?" or really--be honest with yourself--were you masking criticism and blame in the form of an ask for attention? I ask that not because of what you wrote initially, but because of the way that you describe your relationship suggests that you have difficulty seeing any other point of view than your own. My guess-- when you ask him to say something loving and to make you feel better, what he is probably hearing by now is some version of what a failure he is as a husband and that is why you are unhappy. His response about the plumber--what more do you want--suggests that he cannot figure out how to meet your needs. Perhaps he has never tried or perhaps--as your answers to many of the responses here suggests--you are unable to see things from any other point of view than your own and that your need for emotional security is an unrealistic one. I also think your interpretation of his failure to do so as abuse suggests that you do, in fact, take his failure to meet your needs as a kind of violation that turns you into the victim, which just fuels the cycle of guilt and blame that I think is at the heart of your dynamic with your husband. Furthermore, your response--to tell him not to come home--only escalates things. So, you start by saying that you want loving kind words, but you end by shutting him down and out, punishing him. If you really want to save your marriage, you two need serious counseling so that you can begin to actually 'hear' each other. |
Anonymous
That's not what he said. Not even in the same vein. She said she was and has been feeling alone and unsupported and he said why is she calling him a piece of crap? Likely he took her comment about being unsupported personally. Like "he" was the reason she felt alone and unsupported. If that is the case, it would be extremely difficult for him to comfort her when he felt he was the problem. |
Anonymous
| The women on this board are fucking insane. Now you are ripping across OP because she is really disappointed in her OP for not supporting her, and quite frankly sounds fairly emotionally fragile at this point? What in the ever living fuck is wrong with you people?! |
Anonymous
| ^*ripping apart |
Anonymous
You sound unhinged. Step away from the Interwebs. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the tip. Coming from someone who is probably piling on OP and attacking her for being disappointed in her DH, excuse me if I ignore it. |
Anonymous
And here, my friends, we have a peek into the mind of a serial divorcee/spinster. Bad phone conversation = divorce. The OP didn't win her husband in a raffle, did she? Supposedly they fell in love and actually liked each other at one point. So take a deep breath and give him the benefit of the doubt. I was beginning to think the OP was a troll until I read how many other posters, like PP, agreed with her and I realized how kooky some women (people?) really are. OP, your responses are knee-jerk defensive and irrational. Do some yoga, take a hot bath, relax. Then take a hard look at yourself. |
Anonymous
Are you the OP? You two have very similar writing styles. |
Anonymous
LOL. No I am not the OP. Ask Jeff if you dont believe me. |
Anonymous
| She said they've had this pattern for two years. He's probably just given up. |
Anonymous
I would rather be a serial divorcee than be stuck in a marriage with someone who is emotionally stunted and unable to have a supportive phone call when I am in pain. But that's just me. Or an abusive relationship, verbal or otherwise. And since you dont know the OP's history, you cannot say she is not being abused. Than again, you sound like the emotionally stunted type, so I can understand why it's in your interest that either people accept an emotionally crippled person as their spouse or else end up totally alone. What a great little scare tactic. |
Anonymous
| OP can't control her husband. She can control herself. It would benefit her to see clearly how she's contributing to the poor communication dynamic they've got. |
Anonymous
This kind of request puts the responsibility for your feelings on someone else's shoulders, which is unfair and a no-win situation. The only person who is responsible for your feelings is you. If you've been telling DH for 2 years that you feel alone and unsupported, or something similar, DH probably feels he's done and said all he can do, he can't fix your problem, which makes him feel insufficient and crappy. He's given up trying to help, which is a good thing, as you should be trying to help yourself. I think you need therapy, and to realize no one wants to hear this kind of pity-party stuff on a regular basis. |
Anonymous
from what OP writes, her tone, etc. it's all about her all the time. so perhaps have another glass of wine and find a way to relax. |