I asked DH for reassuring words and he flipped out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

Yes, I think every intelligent adult is aware that all abuse does not mean physical. But your example isn't even close to emotional abuse, you aren't giving the whole story. And FWIW, I for one would LOVE to hear your DH's side of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story. Moron.

Yes, I think every intelligent adult is aware that all abuse does not mean physical. But your example isn't even close to emotional abuse, you aren't giving the whole story. And FWIW, I for one would LOVE to hear your DH's side of this

YES! I would like to hear it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't put my finger on it, but I almost feel abused.

Wut?

OP, your post is a royal insult to people who actually have suffered emotional/psychological abuse in relationships. I agree with others that you sound very needy/insecure, and this is something within yourself that you need to figure out - not constantly gasiight your DH to reassure you. Truthfully, your post reads a bit like a teenager, and not a grown woman.

Instead of insulting me, why don't you ask me if there are other examples that I think might be abuse. It's people like you when women do reach out you've already decided there's nothing to believe. Your post is a royal insult to all women who try to check reality when there is emotional abuse. Not all abuse ends in bruises. this isn't the whole story.

Yes, I think every intelligent adult is aware that all abuse does not mean physical. But your example isn't even close to emotional abuse, you aren't giving the whole story. And FWIW, I for one would LOVE to hear your DH's side of this

Go volunteer at the women's shelters. I'm sure they could use your expert knowledge and compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is a great example of the unhappy people here. This is absolutely nuts that people are accusing you of being needy for asking your husband to say something kind to you after a bad day. What the hell kind of relationships are people in where that's defined as excessively needy?? For what it's worth I don't get it either.

It's the whole tone of her post. That they've been in a rough spot for awhile. Can't take one incident in isolation. Coldness is at most apathy, certainly not abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. You were asking DCUM to make you feel better and we failed...just like your DH. Time to look in the mirror.

No i was asking for analysis. I was asking for a way to communicate. The analysis is - that I'm too needy. I get it.

Here's how to communicate:

Hey babe, I had a crappy day at work. Let me hear your sexy voice and say some happy stuff to cheer me up. I always feel better when you talk...

[Anonymous]

I've been married (happily) for 27 years. I used to have these sorts of conversations with DH and feel endlessly disappointed and frustrated. Somewhere along the line I figured out that DH truly sucks on the phone. He's a lot better in person or, believe it or not, even when texting.

So I stopped calling and asking for something I wasn't going to get. He's a good guy, just not great at offering verbal support. I found other outlets for my emotional lows -- therapy, friends and even just taking a long walk with the dog and talking to myself. Once I realized I shouldn't take all this personally with DH things got a lot better.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

The dynamic OP describes is pretty common I suspect among couples where one travels and the other doesn't. It really sucks being the default caregiver holding down the home fort. I think OP needs to talk to her husband when they're together about how to resolve this recurring feeling in a way that is within each others' comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. You were asking DCUM to make you feel better and we failed...just like your DH. Time to look in the mirror.

No i was asking for analysis. I was asking for a way to communicate. The analysis is - that I'm too needy. I get it.

Here's how to communicate:

Hey babe, I had a crappy day at work. Let me hear your sexy voice and say some happy stuff to cheer me up. I always feel better when you talk...

THIS! OP, the problem isn't that you're too needy - we're all needy, at least some of the time. The problem is how you decide to handle it, perhaps putting too much onto DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you two have different love languages. You want him to show his love by saying something sweet. He shows his love by doing things that need to be done, like going to your second property to deal with the plumber.

You need to acknowledge his love when he shows it to you. And I agree with the others, that you seem very needy.

Yes, this. It's all about you OP, right? Your DH can't possibly have any stress in his life and there is no way he would need to lean on you for any support.

think about it - what are you doing to create an environment so your DH feels loved too? Honey, as much as you may not believe it, it's not just about you.

[Anonymous]

And i think it's abusive because there has been coldness and lack of empathy for a long time. This is a small specific example of the way I get treated, whether asking for something or not

I don't think what you are describing sounds like abuse. It sounds like a relationship that isn't working out any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you two have different love languages. You want him to show his love by saying something sweet. He shows his love by doing things that need to be done, like going to your second property to deal with the plumber.

You need to acknowledge his love when he shows it to you. And I agree with the others, that you seem very needy.

Yes, this. It's all about you OP, right? Your DH can't possibly have any stress in his life and there is no way he would need to lean on you for any support.

think about it - what are you doing to create an environment so your DH feels loved too? Honey, as much as you may not believe it, it's not just about you.

It was about her in that moment, that moment that she asked for her husband to give her some kind words. Why is that not OK? So if her husband asked to lean on her for support, you'd be on here saying to him it's not all about him, right? That she couldn't possibly have any stress in her life? What the hell???

[Anonymous]

Do the man a favor and leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you two have different love languages. You want him to show his love by saying something sweet. He shows his love by doing things that need to be done, like going to your second property to deal with the plumber.

You need to acknowledge his love when he shows it to you. And I agree with the others, that you seem very needy.

Yes, this. It's all about you OP, right? Your DH can't possibly have any stress in his life and there is no way he would need to lean on you for any support.

think about it - what are you doing to create an environment so your DH feels loved too? Honey, as much as you may not believe it, it's not just about you.

It was about her in that moment, that moment that she asked for her husband to give her some kind words. Why is that not OK? So if her husband asked to lean on her for support, you'd be on here saying to him it's not all about him, right? That she couldn't possibly have any stress in her life? What the hell???

Because he was traveling for work. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you two have different love languages. You want him to show his love by saying something sweet. He shows his love by doing things that need to be done, like going to your second property to deal with the plumber.

You need to acknowledge his love when he shows it to you. And I agree with the others, that you seem very needy.

Yes, this. It's all about you OP, right? Your DH can't possibly have any stress in his life and there is no way he would need to lean on you for any support.

think about it - what are you doing to create an environment so your DH feels loved too? Honey, as much as you may not believe it, it's not just about you.

It was about her in that moment, that moment that she asked for her husband to give her some kind words. Why is that not OK? So if her husband asked to lean on her for support, you'd be on here saying to him it's not all about him, right? That she couldn't possibly have any stress in her life? What the hell???

Because he was traveling for work. The end.

Oh lord, come off it. I travel for work, and if my husband called me saying he had a terrible day, I'm supposed to say, "YOU SELFISH PRICK OF A HUSBAND, I'M TRAVELING FOR WORK, I CAN'T POSSIBLY LISTEN TO YOU." That's incredibly stupid.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so sorry. This does sound neglectful and if you feel that it's borderline abusive, based on his past history, I would listen to that instinct.

If he cannot provide you with the emotional love and support that is so fundamental to a marriage then I would seriously consider seeing a therapist on your own and also divorce. I am guessing he will not change and you need to find someone who doesnt make you feel this way.