Spouse’s ex moved back, rejoined friend circle

[Anonymous]

OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

Are you feeling nervous because the only reason they broke up was so ex gf could go to college, not because the relationship had run its course, and now that she’s back, you think they just might pick up where they left off?

Yes, that’s my guess.
I’m OP and actually the ex.
I moved back to our hometown after a divorce. We both have kids now and had not spoken at all since either of us got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

I was the first reply, who said reasonable lol. How do you know your ex and wife are going through a rough patch? That already suggests you are too emotionally involved.

Look, you should attend any event you want. You certainly should not have to arrange your schedule around his wife being available to babsit. But if he sits out because of an arrangement he has with his wife, that's their business and it's not for you and your friend group to take a poll and say it s wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

I was the first reply, who said reasonable lol. How do you know your ex and wife are going through a rough patch? That already suggests you are too emotionally involved.

Look, you should attend any event you want. You certainly should not have to arrange your schedule around his wife being available to babsit. But if he sits out because of an arrangement he has with his wife, that's their business and it's not for you and your friend group to take a poll and say it s wrong.

In fact, it wasn't cool of him at all to tell you or the group his reasons for missing events. He should have just brought his wife when he could or skipped events. Considering he is married with kids it should not be a surprise if he can't make every event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

Teens? You’re being ridiculous. I’m friendly with two of my husbands HS GFs and I’ve never given it a thought, but maybe now I will just to drive him crazy. When you said ex I thought you meant a former wife.

Ah, I should have clarified: ex-gf.
Supposedly his “first love”…. which obviously complicates things)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

I was the first reply, who said reasonable lol. How do you know your ex and wife are going through a rough patch? That already suggests you are too emotionally involved.

Look, you should attend any event you want. You certainly should not have to arrange your schedule around his wife being available to babsit. But if he sits out because of an arrangement he has with his wife, that's their business and it's not for you and your friend group to take a poll and say it s wrong.

In fact, it wasn't cool of him at all to tell you or the group his reasons for missing events. He should have just brought his wife when he could or skipped events. Considering he is married with kids it should not be a surprise if he can't make every event.

Good point! I wish he had just kept it to himself. Now I feel like I’m walking in with a scarlet “A” whenever he decides not to come out with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

I was the first reply, who said reasonable lol. How do you know your ex and wife are going through a rough patch? That already suggests you are too emotionally involved.

Look, you should attend any event you want. You certainly should not have to arrange your schedule around his wife being available to babsit. But if he sits out because of an arrangement he has with his wife, that's their business and it's not for you and your friend group to take a poll and say it s wrong.

Our mutual friend mentioned it to me when explaining the possible reasons for the wife’s ultimatum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what ages were they in a relationship? How long did it last?

Unless there has been cheating or some reason for concern, not reasonable. If you don't trust your spouse, you don't trust them but you can't control them and cut them off from friends unless you oversee their visits.

Teens. Approximately one year.
Ex decided to leave for school.

Are you feeling nervous because the only reason they broke up was so ex gf could go to college, not because the relationship had run its course, and now that she’s back, you think they just might pick up where they left off?

Yes, that’s my guess.
I’m OP and actually the ex.
I moved back to our hometown after a divorce. We both have kids now and had not spoken at all since either of us got married.

You need to expand your social group beyond your hs friends.

You have no power here. I don’t understand why the guy is hanging out with a mixed-sex crowd without his wife when he has little kids at home anyway. Either way, you need more friends that don’t include these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

If he’s blabbing to you about their “rough patch” then the wife is wise to ask for boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

I was the first reply, who said reasonable lol. How do you know your ex and wife are going through a rough patch? That already suggests you are too emotionally involved.

Look, you should attend any event you want. You certainly should not have to arrange your schedule around his wife being available to babsit. But if he sits out because of an arrangement he has with his wife, that's their business and it's not for you and your friend group to take a poll and say it s wrong.

Our mutual friend mentioned it to me when explaining the possible reasons for the wife’s ultimatum.

You all sound like a bunch of immature gossips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

I was the first reply, who said reasonable lol. How do you know your ex and wife are going through a rough patch? That already suggests you are too emotionally involved.

Look, you should attend any event you want. You certainly should not have to arrange your schedule around his wife being available to babsit. But if he sits out because of an arrangement he has with his wife, that's their business and it's not for you and your friend group to take a poll and say it s wrong.

Our mutual friend mentioned it to me when explaining the possible reasons for the wife’s ultimatum.

You all sound like a bunch of immature gossips.

I think this is what DCUM likes to call "enmeshed" except DCUM always applies it to families but it makes more sense to apply it to a friend group which you could easily walk away from. Adults with families don't need to be hanging out with a friend group all the time. It's fine if you do, as long as everyone is healthy and happy, but not if it gets to this dramatic extent where someone can't come because someone else will or will not be there, etc. I wonder if these hangouts involve heavy drinking and drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you having a rough patch because the spouse’s eye is wandering?

It's probably safe to assume the rough patch is due to OP's imagination spinning wild fantasies every five minutes. DH is fed up with her nonsense.

[Anonymous]

OP has main character syndrome, enjoys the drama.

You are probably making this bigger than it actually is and your motives for posting are questionable. No surprise you are divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here’s the twist- I’m the ex that moved back.

Trying to give the wife the benefit of the doubt, I posted from her perspective. DH has agreed not to be around me after she gave him an ultimatum.

It’s created an uncomfortable air in our friend group, especially when trying to plan events.

The problem here is YOU and not your ex-boyfriend's wife. If you are posting as an imposter (pretending to be the wife), then I can only imagine how you are in real life and I can absolutely understand that the wife would feel uncomfortable in your presence. How do you even know that they are going through a 'rough patch'? Do you all gossip like this in your friend's group about everyone? Such childish behavior! You need to grow up, leave them alone and rebuild your own life.

Staying in touch with an ex-girlfriend can be complicated even in the best of marriages. It doesn't have to be, but it can cause issues especially if the ex-girlfriend has not moved on or still harbors feelings for the person who has now moved on to a new love interest. This scenario hardly ever works out well. I feel that it can work out when both people have moved on and are in new relationship and truly have no romantic feelings for each other and all people involved are mature. This does not seem to be the case here and you seem like the most immature of all.

[Anonymous]

good god. you're talking about an ex GIRLFRIEND from HIGH SCHOOL? you definitely seemed to infer ex-spouse. You are being ridiculous and your rough patch will turn into divorce if you don't rein it in and focus on making your marriage better rather than just worrying out external factors and threats. If your marriage is on the rocks, work on fixing it now. Trying to control your husband and block his access to his lifelong friends seems to be a great way to ensure divorce.